At Last A Little Good News About The Banksters.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Bank Logos-2

Don’t get too excited, it is only a little, but it is good news.

In a recent ruling by British regulators, the top executives and managers at banks operating there (which is practically all the major banks) could have their bonuses clawed back for up to ten years after any finding of misconduct. It will also prohibit bonuses for nonexecutive directors and for the managers of companies that are receiving financial support from the government.

The move, which is long, long overdue and still does not go far enough, extends a seven-year clawback period that one regulator, the Prudential Regulation Authority, (part of the Bank of England), introduced for so-called variable pay (read ‘bonuses’) last year as part of tougher accountability rules.

Prudential Regulation Authority

The new rules announced by the authority, which is part of the Bank of England, and by another regulator, the Financial Conduct Authority, are the latest effort by financial regulators in Europe to hold the banksters accountable for improper actions that could play a role in precipitating future financial upheavals.

The regulators say they are trying to “embed an accountable culture” in the City of London, which actually means that the authorities realize that the banksters have learned nothing from their previous catastrophic frauds and thefts. They know when the chance arrives these greedy and immoral people will try to do it all again.

bankster caricature

The new British rules, which apply to banks, building societies and investment firms regulated by the Prudential Regulation Authority, including British units of United States banks and other financial firms based outside Europe, mean that senior managers, risk managers and others at banks will also be asked to defer more of their variable pay for a longer period, making it easier for regulators and financial institutions to recover bonuses if misconduct is uncovered.

Other countries in Europe are also enacting new regulations for their banksters. Dutch lawmakers, for example, capped bonuses this year for employees in the banking, insurance and other finance sectors that limits variable pay to 20 percent of their fixed salaries. The Dutch have also banned bonuses for executives at bailed-out banks.

European rules already limit bankers’ bonuses to the equivalent of their annual salaries, or to two times their base salaries if the company’s shareholders approve it. But they know they are so greedy that they will try to find ways round that.

breaking the rules

Already some banks are making moves to get round the limits by introducing role-based remuneration and other payments, so the regulators have their work cut out for them keeping a step ahead of the thieves.

What they really need to do is confiscate ALL their ill-gotten gains, impose severe additional financial penalties AND throw these criminals in jail – for a long time.

America, which always likes to consider itself as the leader of the world, should lead in this regard too. It would be better than starting another war in some far off God forsaken country.

Unfortunately I think it will be an equally long time, and a lot more frauds, before they get to that much needed stage.

And you can take that to the bank!

Give a man a bank

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Cashiers Are Always Checking Me Out.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And now it’s time for you to check out this week’s selection of word plays.

Yes, it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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If you believe binoculars are overrated

then look no further.

binoculars

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I hate it when I run out of Staples.

So do their security guards. 

Staples

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Dying cats pink, what’s next?

A Navy Seal?

pink-cat

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I spent most of last night in jail.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t roll a double.

go-to-jail-monopoly

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I missed my bus this morning.

I really shouldn’t get so sentimental about public transport.

Public Transport - Bus

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I’ve been asked out by a number of sexy women this week.

That number is sadly zero.

zero

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A young man called directory assistance.

“Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number

for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”

“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,”

the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated, and then said,

“Well, most people call me E Z.” 

Best-Street-Name-af

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When James Bond is out of his home country

of England, is he known as +44 07?

shoe_phone

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I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets £10’

I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery.

Mosquito nets

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I told my mate that, in order to get laid,

I’d promised my girlfriend that

I’d marry her in the summer.

He said, “July?”

I said, “Of course I did.”

red-white-blue-july-1

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I once went out with a girl with

fiery red hair and a pale thin body.

I met her on Match.com

Match.com_logo

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I fell asleep whilst rafting the other day.

I just drifted off.

rafting

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My wife has rather annoyingly replaced all

the lightbulbs in the house with energy efficient ones.

I’ll never see her in the same light again.

energy efficient light bulbs

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It was my anniversary last week.

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted

oral sex or a new pair of shoes…

I went head over heels. 

head over heels

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I’ve just watched a fantastic

movie with a twist at the end…

Oliver.

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Playing With Statistics

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Sunday so time for another Sunday Sermon.

There’s a famous quote from US President Abraham Lincoln that goes something like, “you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time”.

On the face of it Lincoln’s words seem rather clever and profound – and true. And so they are.

Up to a point.

But what Lincoln didn’t say (and he was a politician after all) is that you don’t have to fool ALL of the people ALL of the time.

What you have to do is fool them long enough to do what you need to do – for example, in the case of a politician, to get yourself elected.  

 

graph Miss Universe

Which brings me to statistics.

Because the best people in the world at playing with statistics are politicians and governments.

Some people believe everything they are told. Others call the figures governments produce ‘disingenuous’ which is being very kind. And some don’t believe a word or a number that they produce. (Take a wild guess at which camp I am in.)

Government statistical results are in effect lies. You can’t call them that – although I just did – because they can find figures to back up what they say, it’s just that they choose the figures that tell the story they want to promote and ignore all the rest that tell a different story.

For example, to get on to one of my favorite rant subjects, there is a thing which I am sure most of you have never heard of called the ‘Special Inspector General for the Troubled Asset Relief Program’ or ‘SIGTARP’ for short.

When the government is challenged about what is has been doing to bring to justice the banksters, who stole and recklessly gambled away our money, they can quote you a statistic or two saying that over the last few years, SIGTARP has put over 100 senior bank executives in jail, each of whom was convicted of stealing from taxpayers.

Although that fact is ‘technically’ or ‘statistically’ true, what they don’t tell you is that the people they have gone after and convicted are all small time crooks, guilty of small time frauds that are seldom above $1m or $1.5 million in value.

All the super crooks who embezzled hundreds of $ billions and almost brought down the entire financial system aren’t even being seriously pursued. More than six years into the SIGTARP investigations there are literally still hundreds of billions of outstanding ‘loans’, from banks including Citi, JP Morgan, Wells Fargo, and Bank of America.

They can quote figures all day long to try to mislead the people and make themselves look good, but a few small time crooks thrown in jail for stealing a million or two dollars here and there isn’t ever going to make much of a dent in the $ billions that were stolen. The politicians know that as well as anyone.

Perhaps Mark Twain’s “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics,” might have been a better quote!

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It’s Not A Crime To Be A Complete Idiot – Although It Should Be!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Evelyn Hamilton is 37 years old.

She is from Lufkin, Texas.

And she is a complete idiot.

She’s also in jail because she is a complete idiot.

Not that being a complete idiot is a crime – although it should be.

Instead Evelyn Hamilton is in jail because her feeble brain told her to call the East Texas police to complain about

–  wait fot it  – 

the quality of the marijuana she had purchased from a dealer!

Apparently the dealer had refused to return her money when she complained, so in her empty head, phoning the police about him would get him into trouble, but not her.

But when Sgt. David Casper went to her house after the call to the police, and asks her if she was still in possession of the drugs, he says she pulled the small amount of marijuana from her bra.

More of a smoke than a smoking gun, I grant you, but the Sergeant arrested her anyway on a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.

Good one Evelyn!

 

Evelyn Hamilton

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The Rats Are Squealing!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

Bankster pyramid of greed and corruption

They say rats squeal when they are being hunted and nearing capture and they’re right.

None more so at present than the rat banksters and nowhere more so than on Wall Street. If you listen carefully you can hear them squeal even above the noise of the New York traffic.

And the reason for the squealing?

Only that federal authorities are at long last closing in on some of the worst culprits whose greed and contempt for their clients caused the financial crisis we have all be suffering from during the past decade and more.

But before you start clapping the feds on the back, let me say it is too little and too late. None of the banksters are likely to face jail sentences which is what they deserve for their crimes against the people.

Foreclosure-Homes

However, it is something and these days that’s about the best you can hope for.

In terms of the numbers, the banksters are facing fines of something in the region of $63 billion.

Wow, listen to them squeal!

It seems like a lot of money – and it is a lot of money, it could keep all of us blogging away happily for the rest of our lives and then some. But put in the context of what the banksters defrauded their clients out of and what they lost it is just a pittance.

Putting the figures into context, J P Morgan Chase’s $13 billion mortgage settlement in November was probably some kind of record, but they issued more than $460 billion in mortgage securities.

To illustrate it in numbers people can relate to better, that’s like a thief stealing a thousand dollars from you and getting away with it if he paid you back $28.

I bet the amount of the settlement doesn’t seem so big now. Nor is it commensurate with the size of the crime. But that’s what they’ll probably get away with. And they’re not even grateful for this small smack on the wrist, hence all the squealing.

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Clones Are People Two.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Great news today!

The September puns start here.

I know you will, but I’ll say it anyway.

Enjoy!

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My son broke his Apple computer today and

had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one.

I just told him, “Apples don’t grow on trees you know!”

pun apple tree

 

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I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up.

I did, however, get six years in jail

for armed robbery of a gas station.

pun shell gas station

 

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NBC have commissioned my new show about

what goes on inside an airplane cockpit.

We’re filming the pilot next week.

pun pilot

 

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A man walks into a library and says

“I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”

pun reverse-psychology1

 

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People used to tell me being blind would

hinder my chances of becoming a comedian.

Who’s laughing now?

pun blind-turkey-farmer

 

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My cheating ex-girlfriend was called Tulsa.

Looking back, she was aslut.

pun tulsa aslut

 

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My friend recently moved in with his girlfriend

and her massive magazine collection.

But when she refused to part with them he left her.

Apparently she had too many issues.

pun too many issues

 

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I’m not worried about the Third World War.

That’s the Third World’s Problem.

pun Third World

 

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I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local bar.

All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.

pun toilet-cologne-stadium

 

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Some guy broke into my house last night.

Thankfully the only thing he took was one of my bullets.

pun santa-burglar

 

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My father’s answer to everything was alcohol.

He didn’t drink, he was just bad at quizzes.

pun simpsonsgood46

 

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I recently went on a holiday to a place called Romania.

It was useless; no one was even rowing.

pun rowing

 

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A guy I know has invented a new hobby

called “blindfold plane watching”.

Can’t see it taking off.

pun blindfolded

 

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I was watching a DVD on my laptop when I thought,

“Maybe it would be better if I put it in.”

pun laptop-with-open-dvd-tray-and-usb-flash-drive

 

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My wife told me she was absolutely fed up with the world.

“Why?” I asked

“Arrogant people like you!” she screamed back.

I said “Yeah they do, don’t they?”

pun cocksure

 

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Someone has been pretending to be Mr T by using a similar name,

but no-one knows his real identity.

It’s a Mr E.

pun mr t

 

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I’m reading a book about the Titanic at the moment,

and the experts speculate that the designer of the Titanic had a lisp.

That’s unthinkable!

pun titanic

 

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I went to the shop and said, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”

The man said, “Is it for a clock?”

I said, “How do I know, that’s why I asked you for a battery.”

pun cartoon for a clock

 

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I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend

so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.

pun united_states_quarter

 

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I’ll leave you with a word of warning.

pun beware

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More Facts – And That’s A Fact!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another selection of random facts and the chance to prepare yourself for questions that you may never be asked.

Enjoy.

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did you know4

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While in Alcatraz, Al Capone was inmate 85.

Alcatraz

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The airport scene at the end of classic movie “Casablanca”

was produced using a cardboard model of a plane

and little people actors in the background!!

casablanca5

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Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes.

donkey-kick

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The White House has 32 bathrooms,

and 6 levels to accommodate all the people

who live in, work in, and visit the White House.

There are also 412 doors, 147 windows,

28 fireplaces, 7 staircases, and 3 elevators.

white house

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Hummingbirds are the only animals that can fly backwards.

hummingbird

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In the great fire of London in 1666 half of London was burnt down

but only 6 people were injured.

Great Fire Of London

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Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

woman eye

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Each year there is one ton of cement poured

for each man woman and child in the world.

pouring concrete

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The most common name in Italy is Mario Rossi.

Mario Rossi

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Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!

fingernails

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Rugby, North Dakota is the geographical center of North America.

Rugby, North Dakota

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Butte County, South Dakota is the geographical center of the U.S.

Geographic-Center-of-the-US-Speafish-SD

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No matter where you stand in Michigan,

you are never more than 85 miles from a Great Lake.

michigan map

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The number “four” is considered unlucky in Japan

because it is pronounced the same as “death”.

4

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Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance

ever nominated for an Oscar with “Midnight Cowboy.”

Her entire role lasted only six minutes.

Sylvia-Miles

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You’re more likely to get stung by a bee

on a windy day than in any other weather.

CARTOON_Bee-full

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The world’s deepest hole is the Sakhali I oil well in Russia

(part owned by Exxon Mobil) which is 12.345 Km. deep (7.67 miles).

Previously to this the Al Shaheen oil well (12.29km or 7.64 miles)

dug in Qatar was the deepest oil well.

kola2

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Spain leads the world in cork production

wine-cork

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A jail in Brazil allows its inmates to pedal exercise bikes

to power lights in a nearby town in exchange for reduced sentences.

bike charger

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The Boston University Bridge

(on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts)

is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train

driving under a car driving under an airplane.

Boston University Bridge

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