I Can’t Stand X-Rays. They Go Right Through Me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some people feel the same way about puns.

I hope that doesn’t include you though.

So here are some more to….

Enjoy or endure!

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I didn’t know how to spell “plagiarized”

so I copied and pasted it.

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A foreign lady at the market held

two pineapples up to me yesterday and said

“I give you two for one sir”.

It seemed like a fair swap, but unfortunately

I didn’t have a pineapple on me.

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I got a luxury prize for using the correct

punctuation mark to denote ownership.

It was a posh trophy.

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Whenever I go on a long country ramble,

I always take a good reliable compass with me.

You just never know when you might need to draw a circle.

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Postman knocked on my door the other day and asked,

“Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.”

I said, “No, It’s not for me, my name’s Smith.”

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Went to a funfair the other day and saw that

the sign advertising it was missing the first F.

That’s just unfair.

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A new book out today:

the Korean canine training manual

50 Ways to Wok your Dog

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“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed

by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material

and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”

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I tried to order some tennis balls

off the internet last night

but the site kept crashing.

Must be having problems with their server.

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A new Muslim version of Playboy is being published.

The model for the centerfold has just been unveiled.

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I was going to make a herb garden the other day,

but I just haven’t got the thyme.

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I failed Geography at school.

I couldn’t find the exam room

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Have you noticed that prison walls

are never built to scale.

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I was on holiday in Spain when a friend  phoned me.

“How’s the hotel?” he asked.

“Well, I can’t complain, “ I replied.

“Oh, that’s good then,” he said.

I said, “No, it’s terrible! I just don’t speak the lingo.”

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A guy is climbing to the top of Mount Everest.

He has two steps to go when one of them notices

the heel on his right shoe is a little loose,

yet he decides to continue.

At the next step, the heel comes off and

the guy goes tumbling down the mountain.

As he goes by, he passes a couple of climbers.

First climber: Think we should help him?

Second climber: No, as he was going down

I heard him singing

“You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel.”

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Coat Hangers, White Chocolate And Kissing. Must Be Fact Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Looks like another day of random facts.

Hope you find something that you like.

Enjoy.

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A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened

 

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White chocolate technically isn’t chocolate.

It contains no cocoa solids or cocoa liquor.

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The science of kissing itself is called philematology.

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Elephants aren’t afraid of mice

but they are afraid of bees

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The Mauryan Empire was founded by

Chandragupta Maurya in 322 B.C and was

the largest empire ever on the Indian subcontinent.

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In 2007, While attending a dart-throwing convention

at a Minneapolis hotel, Josh Hanson (heavily intoxicated)

fell out of a window, plummeting 160 feet and

slamming into the ledge of the first floor.

He sustained a broken leg, two collapsed lungs and

a few bruises but lived to play darts again.

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Humans have more brain cells at the age of two

than at any other point in their lives

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Images for picture stamps in the United States

are commissioned by the

United States Postal Service Department of Philatelic Fulfillment.

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It takes a lobster approximately

seven years to grow to be one pound.

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Bobby Leach was one of the greatest dare devils to ever live.

He would regularly perform death defying stunts

and was only the second person in history

to go over the side of the Niagara Falls in a barrel.

One day, however, while walking down

a quiet street in New Zealand,

Leach slipped on an orange peel, broke his leg,

and died due to complications that he developed afterwards.

 

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The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding.

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At latitude 60 degrees south you can

sail all the way around the world.

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King Goujian of Yue placed a row of

convicted criminals at the front of his army.

Before the battle they would all cut off their own heads

to show the other army how crazy King Goujian’s army was.

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The “Calabash” pipe,

most often associated with Sherlock Holmes,

was not used by him until William Gillette (an American)

portrayed Holmes onstage.

Gillette needed a pipe he could keep in

his mouth while he spoke his lines.

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In 2006, American Film Institute

named Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

as one of the best American musical films ever made.  

Yeeeehaaaaaa!!!

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Did You Know – The August Fact File Is Open.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In truth nothing much to do with August, except that’s the months we are now in and you have to call these posts something.

But don’t let that deter you from finding out a few more interesting facts.

Here they are.

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You have over 100,000 km of blood vessels in your brain.

That’s enough to wrap around the world 4 times.

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Poinsettias are not lethal.

If your pet is silly enough to eat one,

it may upset its stomach but it won’t kill anything.

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Allan Pinkerton,

famous for creating the Pinkerton detective agency

died of an infection after biting his tongue

when he slipped on a sidewalk.

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Your ears secrete more earwax when

you are afraid than when you aren’t.

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Chewing gum doesn’t take 7 years to digest.

It actually can’t be digested at all

and will pass right through you as is.

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It takes a photon, on average, 170,000 years

to travel from the core of the sun to the surface.

Then it takes just 8 minutes

from the sun’s surface to your eyes.

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The radiation leak from the Chenobyl nuclear reactor accident

caused the nearby forest to turn a bright ginger color,

thus the forest was named the “Red Forest”.

 

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The Tinkerbelle that flies across the sky during the

Disney fireworks show is sometimes a man.

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According to researchers,

who have not been there and don’t know what they are talking about,

the center of our galaxy tastes like raspberries and smells like rum.

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According to astronauts,

who have been there and do know what they are talking about,

space smells like seared steak, hot metal, and welding fumes.

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On Sept. 2, 1944, George H W Bush was flying over Japan

when his aircraft was shot down in the Pacific.

Bush and another crewman were able to bail out,

but the other man’s parachute malfunctioned,

and he went down with the plane.

Bush was eventually rescued by a

submarine off the coast of Chichi-jima.

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There are roughly 7,000 languages

estimated to still be spoken on Earth.

About 2,400 of them are in danger of going extinct.

In fact, one goes extinct every 14 days.

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War comes from a Germanic root

that meant “to confuse”

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For a long time people speculated over the identity

of the secret informant behind the Watergate Scandal,

codenamed “Deep Throat”.

Recently he was revealed to be

former FBI associate director Mark Felt.

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Michael Holmes, the youngest man

to have ever received a skydiving instructor certification,

saw his young career almost come to an end

when on December 2006 a skydive jump went horribly wrong.

Due to faulty ropes, Holmes’ main and reserve parachutes

failed to deploy sending him spiraling out of control

towards certain death.

However, thanks to a blackberry bush,

Holmes was able to survive the fall

with only a punctured lung and a shattered ankle.

This horrifying experience was all captured on camera.

Here it is….

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Time For Another Fun Filled Facts Day

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s time for another day filled with those fun facts that we all like to read.

And they’ll come in handy when you least expect it, as one or two people have already found out.

So learn and enjoy!

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In the 1800s feeding lobster to prisoners

was considered to be ‘a cruel and unusual punishment,

like making people eat rats’.

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Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.

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The Guinness Book of Records holds the record

for being the book most often stolen from Libraries.

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In Albania,

nodding your head means ‘no’

and shaking your head means ‘yes’.

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You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.

How unique is that?

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In India, Pajamas are accepted as standard daytime wearing apparel.

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A female oyster produces 100 million young in her lifetime;

the typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year;

rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants;

and it is possible for one female cat to be responsible for the birth of 20,736 kittens in four years.

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The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69,

to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev (b. 1707–c.1782), a peasant from Shuya, Russia.

In 27 confinements she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.

Only two of the children failed to survive their infancy.

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750ml of blood pumps through your brain every minute

which is 15-20% of blood flow from the heart.

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The February of 1865 and 1999 are the only months

in recorded history not to have a full moon.

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It has been estimated that at any one time

around 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.

Cheers!

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The name Jeep comes from “GP”,

the army abbreviation for General Purpose.

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Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland’s daughter, Ruth,

not the baseball player.

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Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files

(i.e. “You’ve got Mail!”).

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55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.

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Sherlock Holmes NEVER said ‘Elementary, my dear Watson!’

Holmes does use the word ‘elementary’ in The Crooked Man (1894)

but ‘Elementary, my dear Watson’ itself was coined 21 years later

by P.G. Wodehouse in his novel Psmith, Journalist (1915).

However, Holmes did ejaculate several times, as did Watson and others.

In fact, there are 23 ejaculations in total, with 11 belonging to Watson and 6 to Holmes.

On one occasion, Holmes refers to Watson’s ‘ejaculations of wonder’ being invaluable;

on another, Watson ejaculates ‘from his very heart’ in the direction of his fiancée.

A chap called Phelps ejaculated three times during the story of The Naval Treaty.

The only other ejaculator is Mrs St Clair’s husband,

who ejaculates at her from a second-floor window!

It is not clear whether it is Holmes or Watson who ejaculates in the passage below,

taken from “The Man with the Twisted Lip”, 1891:

“So he sat as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat when a sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up,

and I found the summer sun shining into the apartment. The pipe was still between his lips,

the smoke still curled upward, and the room was full of a dense tobacco haze,

but nothing remained of the heap of shag which I had seen upon the previous night.”

Isn’t the English Language wonderful.

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