I Can’t Stand X-Rays. They Go Right Through Me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some people feel the same way about puns.

I hope that doesn’t include you though.

So here are some more to….

Enjoy or endure!

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I didn’t know how to spell “plagiarized”

so I copied and pasted it.

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A foreign lady at the market held

two pineapples up to me yesterday and said

“I give you two for one sir”.

It seemed like a fair swap, but unfortunately

I didn’t have a pineapple on me.

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I got a luxury prize for using the correct

punctuation mark to denote ownership.

It was a posh trophy.

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Whenever I go on a long country ramble,

I always take a good reliable compass with me.

You just never know when you might need to draw a circle.

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Postman knocked on my door the other day and asked,

“Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.”

I said, “No, It’s not for me, my name’s Smith.”

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Went to a funfair the other day and saw that

the sign advertising it was missing the first F.

That’s just unfair.

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A new book out today:

the Korean canine training manual

50 Ways to Wok your Dog

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“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed

by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material

and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”

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I tried to order some tennis balls

off the internet last night

but the site kept crashing.

Must be having problems with their server.

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A new Muslim version of Playboy is being published.

The model for the centerfold has just been unveiled.

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I was going to make a herb garden the other day,

but I just haven’t got the thyme.

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I failed Geography at school.

I couldn’t find the exam room

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Have you noticed that prison walls

are never built to scale.

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I was on holiday in Spain when a friend  phoned me.

“How’s the hotel?” he asked.

“Well, I can’t complain, “ I replied.

“Oh, that’s good then,” he said.

I said, “No, it’s terrible! I just don’t speak the lingo.”

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A guy is climbing to the top of Mount Everest.

He has two steps to go when one of them notices

the heel on his right shoe is a little loose,

yet he decides to continue.

At the next step, the heel comes off and

the guy goes tumbling down the mountain.

As he goes by, he passes a couple of climbers.

First climber: Think we should help him?

Second climber: No, as he was going down

I heard him singing

“You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel.”

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It’s Another Quiz For Monday.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to another quiz day at the fasab blog.

Another random mixture including geography, history, science and even a movie thrown in for good measure.

And as usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  What is the plural on the word ‘Mongoose’?

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Q.  2:  What is 65 per cent of 60?

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Q.  3:  What is the science of correcting deformities of the skeleton?

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Q.  4:  Where does a ‘busboy’ or ‘busgirl’ work?

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Q.  5:  What type of creature is a ‘prairie dog’?

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Q.  6:  What was the name of the character played by Russel Crowe in the movie ‘Gladiator’?

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Q.  7:  What is ‘lava’ bread made from?

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Q.  8:  For their discovery of what did Watson, Crick and Wilkins win the 1962 Nobel Prize for medicine?

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Q.  9:  What color is a (male) purple finch?

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Q. 10:  How many continents are there on Earth, and a bonus point for each one you can name correctly?

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Q. 11:  Mr and Mrs Smith have 6 daughters, each daughter has one brother, how many people are in the family?

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Q. 12:  What does the term ‘DC’ stand for in physics and in the name of the US Capital, Washington D.C.?  (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 13:  By multiplying a number by 9, dividing by 5 and adding 32, what conversion have you achieved?

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Q. 14:  Which land mammal has the largest ears?

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Q. 15:  What does the abbreviation ‘UNESCO’ stand for?

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Q. 16:  From what is an ‘atoll’ formed?

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Q. 17:  What are the only self-cleaning organs on both men and women?

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Q. 18:  What color is pure molten gold?

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Q. 19:  Which company owns ‘Hotmail’, the Internet based e-mail system?

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Q. 20:  In heraldry, what does ‘Argent’ mean?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What is the plural on the word ‘Mongoose’?

A.  1:  The plural of ‘Mongoose’ is ‘Mongooses’. No points if you said ‘Mongeese’.

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Q.  2:  What is 65 per cent of 60?

A.  2:  39.

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Q.  3:  What is the science of correcting deformities of the skeleton?

A.  3:  Orthopaedics.

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Q.  4:  Where does a ‘busboy’ or ‘busgirl’ work?

A.  4:  In a restaurant (A busboy/busgirl clears and cleans dirty dishes, and assists with other basic restaurant/kitchen duties.)

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Q.  5:  What type of creature is a ‘prairie dog’?

A.  5:  It is a rodent.

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Q.  6:  What was the name of the character played by Russell Crowe in the movie ‘Gladiator’?

A.  6:  He played the lead character called ‘Maximus’.

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Q.  7:  What is ‘lava’ bread made from?

A.  7:  It is made from seaweed.

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Q.  8:  For their discovery of what did Watson, Crick and Wilkins win the 1962 Nobel Prize for medicine?

A.  8:  They discovered ‘DNA’.

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Q.  9:  What color is a (male) purple finch?

A.  9:  It is colored red (female is mostly brown).

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Q. 10:  How many continents are there on Earth, and a bonus point for each one you can name correctly?

A. 10:  There are six continents, Africa, the Americas, Antarctica, Asia, Australia together with Oceania, and Europe.

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Q. 11:  Mr and Mrs Smith have 6 daughters, each daughter has one brother, how many people are in the family?

A. 11:  Nine. 6 daughters plus ONE brother plus Mr and Mrs Smith).

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Q. 12:  What does the term ‘DC’ stand for in physics and in the name of the US Capital, Washington D.C.?  (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 12:  ‘Direct Current’ and ‘District of Columbia’.

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Q. 13:  By multiplying a number by 9, dividing by 5 and adding 32, what conversion have you achieved?

A. 13:  You are converting Celsius to Fahrenheit.

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Q. 14:  Which land mammal has the largest ears?

A. 14:  The African elephant.

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Q. 15:  What does the abbreviation ‘UNESCO’ stand for?

A. 15:  It stands for the ‘United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization’.

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Q. 16:  From what is an ‘atoll’ formed?

A. 16:  It is formed from Coral.

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Q. 17:  What are the only self-cleaning organs on both men and women?

A. 17:  The eyes.

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Q. 18:  What color is pure molten gold?

A. 18:  Green.

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Q. 19:  Which company owns ‘Hotmail’, the Internet based e-mail system?

A. 19:  Microsoft.

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Q. 20:  In heraldry, what does ‘Argent’ mean?

A. 20:  Silver.  (And here’s song from a band with the same name…)

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Time For Another Fun Filled Facts Day

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s time for another day filled with those fun facts that we all like to read.

And they’ll come in handy when you least expect it, as one or two people have already found out.

So learn and enjoy!

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In the 1800s feeding lobster to prisoners

was considered to be ‘a cruel and unusual punishment,

like making people eat rats’.

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Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.

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The Guinness Book of Records holds the record

for being the book most often stolen from Libraries.

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In Albania,

nodding your head means ‘no’

and shaking your head means ‘yes’.

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You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.

How unique is that?

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In India, Pajamas are accepted as standard daytime wearing apparel.

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A female oyster produces 100 million young in her lifetime;

the typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year;

rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants;

and it is possible for one female cat to be responsible for the birth of 20,736 kittens in four years.

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The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69,

to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev (b. 1707–c.1782), a peasant from Shuya, Russia.

In 27 confinements she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.

Only two of the children failed to survive their infancy.

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750ml of blood pumps through your brain every minute

which is 15-20% of blood flow from the heart.

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The February of 1865 and 1999 are the only months

in recorded history not to have a full moon.

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It has been estimated that at any one time

around 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.

Cheers!

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The name Jeep comes from “GP”,

the army abbreviation for General Purpose.

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Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland’s daughter, Ruth,

not the baseball player.

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Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files

(i.e. “You’ve got Mail!”).

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55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.

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Sherlock Holmes NEVER said ‘Elementary, my dear Watson!’

Holmes does use the word ‘elementary’ in The Crooked Man (1894)

but ‘Elementary, my dear Watson’ itself was coined 21 years later

by P.G. Wodehouse in his novel Psmith, Journalist (1915).

However, Holmes did ejaculate several times, as did Watson and others.

In fact, there are 23 ejaculations in total, with 11 belonging to Watson and 6 to Holmes.

On one occasion, Holmes refers to Watson’s ‘ejaculations of wonder’ being invaluable;

on another, Watson ejaculates ‘from his very heart’ in the direction of his fiancée.

A chap called Phelps ejaculated three times during the story of The Naval Treaty.

The only other ejaculator is Mrs St Clair’s husband,

who ejaculates at her from a second-floor window!

It is not clear whether it is Holmes or Watson who ejaculates in the passage below,

taken from “The Man with the Twisted Lip”, 1891:

“So he sat as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat when a sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up,

and I found the summer sun shining into the apartment. The pipe was still between his lips,

the smoke still curled upward, and the room was full of a dense tobacco haze,

but nothing remained of the heap of shag which I had seen upon the previous night.”

Isn’t the English Language wonderful.

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