A Good Pun Is It’s Own Reword.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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An English Prince and a German with a problem feature in today’s word play.

Plus a lot more for you to….

Enjoy or endure!!

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I’m really big in Japan.

I’m 5′ 10″.

 

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My friend has a heroin addiction.

He can’t stop reading

Wonder Woman comics.

 

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I’ve just watched a documentary

on TV about belching.

I think it was a repeat.

 

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The camping shop were advertising

their new tent in the window,

They call it the ‘Shakespeare’.

The sign said…

This is the discount of our winter tent.

 

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I just got fired from my job,

where I disposed of dangerous

materials from building sites.

I don’t know why, though.

I did asbestos I could!

 

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I was reading the newspaper to a

friend of mine who is blind.

One notice said there was a faith healer

performing in town tonight who reckons he

can cure anything, even blindness.

My friend said he might turn up to that,

just to see.

 

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Those who believe that love conquers all

have never played tennis.

 

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I went to a party for meteorologists yesterday.

Lovely atmosphere.

 

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I saw a capsized boat today.

It was very small.

 

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What do you call a German whose honest

about their flatulence problem?

A Frankfarter.

 

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I just read that the movie POMPEII is on tonight.

I haven’t even seen the first Pompe yet.

 

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I had an out of body experience yesterday.

I was completely beside myself.

 

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As the chauffeur opened the door

for Prince Charles he said,

“Still raining, sir.”

“Yes,” said Prince Charles,

“but she can’t go on forever.”

 

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Buzz Aldrin’s best pick-up line.

“Hey, I was the second man on the moon.

Neil before me.”

 

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“Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime.”

“Is it something I said?”

“Yes.”

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Ivory hunters, tsk tsk.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Tsk, tsk indeed. What a terrible thing to do.

But what is also terrible, and the more terrible the better it seems, are puns.

It’s word play day.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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When it comes to making money,

I’ve got to hand it to my wife.

All of it.

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Apprehended:

The new App that reminds

you your hen is dead.

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I had an argument with my neighbor

about my trees growing over his fence.

When I extended the olive branch

it only made matters worse.

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I went into a bar and said to the guy serving,

‘How much is a pint of lager?’

He replied,

‘Five hundred and sixty-eight millilitres.’

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My identical twin was hit by a bus last year.

He’s not been the same since.

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I got lost on my first day of college,

which is when I met my wife.

She was lost too, and neither I nor she knew

what class we were supposed to be in.

And as I stared into her eyes,

I knew that we had chemistry.

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I brewed 5 gallons of homebrew.

It was pretty weak so my friend offered me ten bucks 

if I could drink the lot in one session…

I was going to accept, but in the end I bottled it.

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I live for my alarm clock collection,

it’s the only reason I get up in the morning.

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I just fired my limousine driver.

I don’t know why,

because I have nothing to chauffeur it.

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Just had lunch at an excellent Christian restaurant

called “The Lord Giveth”.

They also do takeaways.

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My wife was preparing lunch today when she asked,

“Sweetheart, where’s the cheese grater?”

“Some would say France, others would say England,” I replied.

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I bought some really odd shaped eggs

but now i can’t find them.

I think they’ve been mislaid.

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Me and my girl plan to recreate every position

from the Kama Sutra tonight using only Lego bricks.

The excitement is building.

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I asked my son what his sexuality was.

He replied ”bi”.

Ironically, his answer forced me

to say the exact same thing.

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Eminem goes to check the weather

It’s rainy and gray outside

He goes back to watch TV

Checks weather back in 10 minutes

Still shady

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Have You Heard Of The Herd?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today was originally scheduled for the latest part in the short series about the curious and amusing phobias some people seem to have. But it’s a holiday week for most of us and I have put that post back until next week.

Instead I feel the urge to say something else. Two things actually.

First one is, have you heard of the herd? In particular the herd mentality, where people do something they have no need to do just because other people are doing it?

It happens a lot. Far too much in fact.

We witnessed it during the recent election campaign where people formed opinions not on the basis of their own analysis of the candidates and policies, but because of something someone else said or something they heard on tv.

We saw it again very recently after the dreadful murders in Connecticut where the unthinking herd ignored the real problem and  jumped on gun control as a solution to senseless attacks such as this. They might as well call for a ban on knives, axes, chainsaws, bows and arrows and gasoline when they are at it as any of these could do the same job in the hands of a mental defective.

And on December 24 we witnessed another example in grocery stores throughout the country (throughout the world even) as hoards of the unthinking joined the herd and bought up bread and food supplies like the shops would not be open again for at least a month. They are open again today you dummies!

These three examples have been going on for years and people never seem to learn, they just keep on following the herd without a thought in their heads.

And this leads me on to point two which is how little thought most of us give to what we are doing and what we are buying the already well off and pampered.

I know for a fact that Santa had orders for laptops and ipads and iphones and all sorts of other expensive playthings. And I also know that he hadn’t the sense to say no, but just bought them anyway. Mea culpa as much as anyone.

Then I got to thinking that life was a lot different when I was a kid. Yes we liked to get presents at Christmas, but they were a lot less sophisticated and a lot less expensive – even in relative terms. When I was eight, for example, I didn’t need a smart phone, or any phone come to think of it, nor was my social life so complicated and hectic that I had to have a chauffeur for all my must-do activities for every day of the week.

When I was a kid we had our toys, but we also had a thing called an imagination and we could make our own fun out of very little.

So what is the problem today? Why are kids so incapable of making their own entertainment? Why are they constantly “bored” without clicking a button on a computer consol or without someone else to do their thinking for them?

Like a lot of other things, it all boils down to money at the end of the day. Now I’m not advocating poverty as a solution to the world’s ills. Far from it. I like to make money, the more the better, and the thought of being, perhaps not rich, but comfortably well off is a very nice one. But if we had to we could all make do with a lot less. And I don’t think we would be any less happier in the process.

People in other countries seem to manage quite well. And they still seem to have the mental capacity to enjoy what little they have and make their fun out of next to nothing. In other words they are happy. If things do ever deteriorate to the extent that some of the doomsday preachers are telling us, there are a lot better prepared people in the world than there are in rich countries like America, or Britain, or Germany, etc.

Think about giving your kid or nephew or niece an old oil drum from the local garbage dump next Christmas instead of an ipod touch or some other overly expensive apple. I wonder how much music and entertainment they could get out of that?

Check out the video and you will see what I mean…

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