A Right Old Mess!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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political hypocrisy

It seems there is no end to the political hypocrisy that has taken over our well surveilled world.

I wrote a post a few days ago about the Belgian government wanting Skype to hand over confidential customer data. I called it ‘Taking A Swipe At Skype’ (if you want to read it click here )

In a previous post called, ‘What Is The German Word For Hypocrite?’ (if you want to read that one click here) I had a bit of rant against the hypocrisy of Germen Chancellor Angela Merkel who professed great anxiety publicly about the Americans snooping in on her phone calls while she and her intelligence agencies were in cahoots with the US to spy on other European countries.

Now a week or so later the two stories have merged with yet another piece of hypocrisy, this time by the Belgians who have announced that they are starting an official investigation into allegations that Belgium’s telecommunications networks were spied on by a consortium of German and American intelligence agencies.

telecommunications network

In other words, it is okay for the Belgians to snoop on Skype users, but not okay when someone else wants to snoop on the Belgians.

If that’s not another good example of hypocrisy I don’t know what is.

Specifically the targets in Belgian sights are the United States National Security Agency and Germany’s Bundesnach-richtendienst (BND) and an operation that they referred to as ‘EIKONAL’.

The Belgians found out about the snooping when Austrian politician Peter Pilz blew his whistle at a press conference in Bern, Switzerland, saying that EIKONAL had targeted European telecommunications carriers for at least four years, from 2005 to 2008.

Spokesmen for the Belgian government have said that if the alleged espionage is confirmed, it would have “not only legal implications, but will also affect relations between Belgium, Germany and the US”. It also threatened to “take appropriate action” but didn’t specify what that would be – they probably don’t know yet.

Switzerland and the Netherlands flags

Needless to say, the governments of Switzerland and the Netherlands were not amused by the revelations either and immediately launched their own investigations into this thing called ‘EIKONAL’.

It’s all turning into what they call “a right old mess”.

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A Good Pun Is It’s Own Reword.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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An English Prince and a German with a problem feature in today’s word play.

Plus a lot more for you to….

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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I’m really big in Japan.

I’m 5′ 10″.

 short japanese

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My friend has a heroin addiction.

He can’t stop reading

Wonder Woman comics.

 Wonder Woman comics

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I’ve just watched a documentary

on TV about belching.

I think it was a repeat.

 belching

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The camping shop were advertising

their new tent in the window,

They call it the ‘Shakespeare’.

The sign said…

This is the discount of our winter tent.

 Shakespeare now is the winter of our discontent

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I just got fired from my job,

where I disposed of dangerous

materials from building sites.

I don’t know why, though.

I did asbestos I could!

 asbestos removal

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I was reading the newspaper to a

friend of mine who is blind.

One notice said there was a faith healer

performing in town tonight who reckons he

can cure anything, even blindness.

My friend said he might turn up to that,

just to see.

 blind man

.

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Those who believe that love conquers all

have never played tennis.

 tennis score

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I went to a party for meteorologists yesterday.

Lovely atmosphere.

 party for meteorologists

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I saw a capsized boat today.

It was very small.

 capsized boat

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What do you call a German whose honest

about their flatulence problem?

A Frankfarter.

 flatulence problem

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I just read that the movie POMPEII is on tonight.

I haven’t even seen the first Pompe yet.

 pompeii-movie-poster

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I had an out of body experience yesterday.

I was completely beside myself.

 out of body experience simpsons

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As the chauffeur opened the door

for Prince Charles he said,

“Still raining, sir.”

“Yes,” said Prince Charles,

“but she can’t go on forever.”

 Prince Charles

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Buzz Aldrin’s best pick-up line.

“Hey, I was the second man on the moon.

Neil before me.”

 Buzz Aldrin on the Moon

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“Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime.”

“Is it something I said?”

“Yes.”

a mime

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Whoever Invented The Selfie Needs To Take A Good Look At Themselves.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And since it’s pun day again you need to take a good look at this latest batch.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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What do you call

a German on speaker phone?

Hans Free

cartoon hands free

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‘Sugar’

is the only word in the English language

in which the S, is pronounced ‘sh’.

I’m sure of that.

sh

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My brother has had to

close down his archery business.

In the first 12 months 

he didn’t hit any of his targets .

archery-target

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Ten years in the same job and

not once have I been in the boss’s office.

That’s what got me fired as a cleaner.

cleaner

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Just been mugged and beaten up.

I tried to defend myself with a drawing pin.

Turns out a tac isn’t the best form of defense after all.

tac

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Before we split up, my wife

was obsessed with horoscopes.

I’m sure that’s what Taurus apart.

taurus

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I was on the freeway when a guy driving in the other direction

started flashing his lights, beeping his horn and screaming,

“You’re going the wrong way!”

What an idiot.

He didn’t even know where I was going.

A-Motorist-Driving-the-Wrong-Way

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What has a pee at

the end of a tram?

A tramp.

cartoon tramp

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Breaking News:

Man arrested over missing woman

Imagine if he’d hit her???

breaking news

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Adoption jokes –

There’s never a good time to tell them.

adopted

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I don’t approve of my girlfriend’s one night stand.

Why should she be the only one with

somewhere to put a bedside lamp.

night stand lamp

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I threw three DVDs at exactly the same time

to see which one would hit the wall first.

It was a discrace.

DVDs

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My wife called me into the bathroom

and asked me to wash her back.

I don’t remember her

washing me in the first place.

washing back

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Erectile dysfunction;

just when you thought

it couldn’t get any harder.

checking_for_signs_of_life

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My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that 

I have been cheating on her with Clara next door.

Last night, she packed her things and left.

I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.

Take it away Johnny….

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Did You Know? – Another Round Of Fabulous Facts!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another random bunch of facts for you today.

I think I prefer the final one the best because of its irony and the fact that it illustrates that people can sometimes delude and convince themselves into believing they saw what the really didn’t.

Anyway, here they are, so choose your own favorite, but whatever you do….

Enjoy.

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facts 02

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The US Constitution contains many

spelling and grammatical errors.

american-constitution

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The term ‘Lunatic’ is derived from the Latin word ‘luna’ meaning ‘moon’.

It originated from the belief that insanity is caused by changes in the moon.

Lunatic

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Thirty-three light years away there is an

exoplanet completely covered in burning ice.

burning ice

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James Stephen “Steve” Fossett was an American businessman,

and a record-setting aviator, sailor, and adventurer

who, in 2002, became the first person to

fly solo nonstop around the world in a balloon.

Steve Fossett

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At its peak the Roman Empire

stretched for 2.51 million square miles,

but it was only the 19th largest empire in history.

Roman_Empire_Map

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Throughout the 1800s people were buried alive so often

that coffins included mechanisms to allow those people

to ring a bell in the graveyard.

people were buried alive so often that coffins included mechanisms to allow those people to ring a bell in the graveyard

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Homer and Langley Collyer, two compulsive hoarders,

were found buried beneath a collapsed pile of

the things they had stored in their house over the years.

Homer and Langley Collyer house

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The last time a cavalry charge was used on the battlefield

was during WWII when a Mongolian cavalry division

charged a German infantry division.

Two thousand Mongolians were killed

and not a single German died.

Mongolian cavalry division

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In ancient Egypt some servants were covered in honey

to attract flies away from the pharaoh.

(I suppose it’s better than the alternative!)

servants were covered in honey to attract flies away from the pharaoh

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June 28, 2014 was the 100 year anniversary of the assassination

of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria,

heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne,

who was killed in Sarajevo along with his wife Duchess Sophie

by Bosnian Serb Gavrilo Princip.

This was the incident that led to the Great War,

also now known as World War I.

assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria

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Although several notable people died on the toilet,

one of the most famous is probably Elvis Presley.

Doctors attributed his death to too many prescription drugs.

elvis-presley-s-toilet

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When pizza deliveryman Brian Wells

was stopped by the police in the middle of a bank robbery

no one believed his story that he had been forced to do it

by some people he had delivered pizza to.

He kept on pleading with the officers saying that

the necklace he was wearing was a bomb.

Unfortunately for him though,

the bomb squad didn’t show up early enough.

pizza deliveryman Brian Wells

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Almost one-seventh (840) of all the languages on Earth

are spoken in one country…

Papua New Guinea.

map_of_papua-new-guinea

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When it was first built,

Disney’s Tomorrowland

was supposed to represent

the far off future year of 1986.

Tomorrowland_Disneyland

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A famous proponent of healthy eating and organic farming,

Jerome Irving Rodale died of a heart attack

while being interviewed on the Dick Cavett Show in 1971.

Some of his last words were that [he] would

“live to 100, unless [he was] run down by a a sugar-crazy taxi driver”.

Appearing fast asleep during the show, Dick Cavett joked

“Are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?”

before discovering that his 72-year-old guest had indeed died.

Many people are convinced they saw this on TV

but the incident was never aired.

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It’s A May Day Holiday In Some Places, But There Are No Breaks From The Weekly Fasab Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Holiday or not, no place to hide from the fasab weekly quiz.

Let’s see how you cope with today’s challenge.

As usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz 2

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Q.  1:  What does the ‘K’ in K-mart stand for?

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Q.  2:  Which way does a “no smoking” sign’s slash run?

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Q.  3:  During WWII, what popular food in the U.S. was dubbed “Liberty Steaks” to avoid a German-sounding name?

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Q.  4:  Do books have even # pages on the right or left side?

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Q.  5:  What is the name of Britain’s highest mountain?

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Q.  6:  The Triumph TR 6, Aston Martin DB6, Ferrari Dino and the early 1970s Ford Mustang all had which kind of tail or back?

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Q.  7:  Who was awarded the 1993 Nobel Peace Price along with Nelson Mandela?

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Q.  8:  What is the collective term for a group of tigers?

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Q.  9:  Who is responsible for saying “You’re Fired” in the American and British versions of The Apprentice? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 10:  On which card in a deck is the cardmaker’s trademark?

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Q. 11:  This small, war torn, country’s name translated means white, its Capital is divided by the ‘green line’, Dan Brown’s ‘The Da Vinci Code’ was banned there and it hosted the 2009 Asian Winter Games. What is it?

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Q. 12:  What were the early occupations of the Italian dictator Benito Mussolini? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 13:  The name of which country means ‘go and milk it’?  

            a) Italy          b) India          c) Somalia          d) Brazil

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Q. 14:  What Nobel Prize winning writer was In Dubious Battle with The Grapes Of Wrath, East Of Eden?

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Q. 15:  Which President of the United States of America regularly bought slaves in Washington, D.C. and quietly freed them in Pennsylvania?

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Q. 16:  Towards the end of World War II, the Allied forces dropped the first atomic bomb on the Japanese city of Hiroshima and a second, an H-bomb, on the city of Nagasaki. If it had been necessary to drop a third nuclear device what was to be the target city?

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Q. 17:  What is the longest chapter in the Bible?

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Q. 18:  In Mel Brooks’ ‘Silent Movie,’ who is the only person who has a speaking role?

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Q. 19:  Who wrote ‘A Clockwork Orange’?

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Q. 20:  Which letter of the alphabet links Boney People?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What does the ‘K’ in K-mart stand for?

A.  1:  The K stands for founder Sebastian S Kresge.

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Q.  2:  Which way does a “no smoking” sign’s slash run?

A.  2:  Towards the bottom right.

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Q.  3:  During WWII, what popular food in the U.S. was dubbed “Liberty Steaks” to avoid a German-sounding name?

A.  3:  Hamburgers.

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Q.  4:  Do books have even # pages on the right or left side?

A.  4:  Left.

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Q.  5:  What is the name of Britain’s highest mountain?

A.  5:  Ben Nevis.

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Q.  6:  The Triumph TR 6, Aston Martin DB6, Ferrari Dino and the early 1970s Ford Mustang all had which kind of tail or back?

A.  6:  Kamm (Kamm tail, K-tail or Kammback).

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Q.  7:  Who was awarded the 1993 Nobel Peace Price along with Nelson Mandela?

A.  7:  Former South African President Frederik Willem de Klerk.

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Q.  8:  What is the collective term for a group of tigers?

A.  8:  An ‘Ambush’.

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Q.  9:  Who is responsible for saying “You’re Fired” in the American and British versions of The Apprentice? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  9:  Donald Trump in the US version and Lord Alan Sugar in the British version.

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Q. 10:  On which card in a deck is the cardmaker’s trademark?

A. 10:  On the Ace of spades.

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Q. 11:  This small, war torn, country’s name translated means white, its Capital is divided by the ‘green line’, Dan Brown’s ‘The Da Vinci Code was banned there and it hosted the 2009 Asian Winter Games. What is it?

A. 11:  Lebanon.

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Q. 12:  What were the early occupations of the Italian dictator Benito Mussolini? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 12:  He had been a teacher and journalist.

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Q. 13:  The name of which country means ‘go and milk it’?  

            a) Italy          b) India          c) Somalia          d) Brazil

A. 13:  c) Somalia.         

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Q. 14:  What Nobel Prize winning writer was In Dubious Battle with The Grapes Of Wrath, East Of Eden?

A. 14:  John Steinbeck.

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Q. 15:  Which President of the United States of America regularly bought slaves in Washington, D.C. and quietly freed them in Pennsylvania?

A. 15:  James Buchanan.

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Q. 16:  Towards the end of World War II, the Allied forces dropped the first atomic bomb on the Japanese city of Hiroshima and a second, an H-bomb, on the city of Nagasaki. If it had been necessary to drop a third nuclear device what was to be the target city?

A. 16:  Third city to be targeted was Tokyo.

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Q. 17:  What is the longest chapter in the Bible?

A. 17:  The longest chapter in the Bible is Psalm 119.

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Q. 18:  In Mel Brooks’ ‘Silent Movie,’ who is the only person who has a speaking role?

A. 18:  Typical of Mel Brooks’ humor, the only person with a speaking role in ‘Silent Movie’  is the famous mime Marcel Marceau.

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Q. 19:  Who wrote ‘A Clockwork Orange’?

A. 19:  Anthony Burgess.

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Q. 20:  Which letter of the alphabet links Boney People?

A. 20:  The letter is ‘M’ as in ‘Boney M’ and ‘M People’.

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The Final Fabulous Fasab Fact Day – For April, That Is!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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April is drawing to a close, but not before another selection of fabulous fasab facts.

Here’s the latest random bunch to improve your knowledge.

Hope you enjoy.

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did you know1

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There are more possible iterations of a game of chess

than there are atoms in the known universe.

chessboard

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Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs sacrificed money

and stayed in college four extra years

instead of going directly to the NBA

because in her last days his dying mother made

him promise to graduate college with a degree.

(Good on you Tim!)

Four-time-NBA-Champion-Tim-Duncan

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England’s King George I

was actually German.

King George I

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A study conducted by Swiss University

showed that stockbrokers

are more reckless and manipulative

than diagnosed psychopaths.

stockbrokers

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In his youth, Andrew Johnson apprenticed as a tailor.

Even as president, he never stopped making his own suits.

Andrew Johnson

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There is a point in the middle of Chile’s Atacama Desert

where rain has never been recorded.

Scientists call this region “absolute desert”.

Atacama-Desert-Chile

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Lord Byron kept a pet bear

in his college dorm room.

Lord Byron

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If you eat a polar bear liver, you will die.

Humans can’t handle that much vitamin A.

polar bear

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Dead people can get goosebumps.

goosebumps

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Kim Jong Il wrote six operas.

Kim Jong Il

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Our eyes are always the same size from birth,

but our nose and ears never stop growing.

BigearsObama

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The top layer of a wedding cake,

known as the groom’s cake,

traditionally is a fruit cake.

That way it will save until the first anniversary.

top layer of a wedding cake

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Princeton researchers successfully turned a live cat

into a functioning telephone in 1929.

cat telephone

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The ship, the Queen Elizabeth 2,

should always be written as QE2.

QEII is the actual Queen.

RMS_Queen_Elizabeth_2_in_Trondheim_2008

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If you do not have a child,

you will be the first in your direct lineage,

all the way back to beginnings of human history,

to do so (or not, as the case may be!)

having a child

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Did You Know? It’s Another Furious Fact Feast.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another furious fact feast it is.

And I bet there are at least some of these you didn’t know.

So read on and….

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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The bible is available

in 2454 languages.

king-james-bible

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There are 2,400 languages classified as being ‘endangered’.

231 languages are now completely extinct.

One language dies about every 14 days.

language-extinction-hotspot

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If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19.

You also have the largest amount of money in coins

without being able to make change for a dollar.

3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19

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In the average lifetime, a person will walk

the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

the equator

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In the early days of the telephone,

operators would pick up a call and use the phrase,

“Well, are you there?”.

It wasn’t until 1895 that someone suggested

answering the phone with the phrase

“number please?”

telephone operators 1800s

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The surface area of

an average-sized brick

is 79 cm squared.

jumbo_brick

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It would take 11 Empire State Buildings,

stacked one on top of the other,

to measure the Gulf of Mexico at its deepest point.

Empire State Building

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It took Leo Tolstoy six years to write “War & Peace”.

(It took me longer to read it!)

War_and_Peace_book

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The names of the two stone lions in front of the

New York Public Library are Patience and Fortitude.

They were named by then-mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.

New York Public Library lions

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When Concorde was flying from London to New York,

due to the time zones crossed,

you could arrive 2 hours before you departed.

Concorde

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Many Police dogs are trained to react to commands in a foreign language;

commonly German but more recently Dutch or Hungarian.

Police dogs training

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On the new hundred dollar bill the time

on the clock tower of Independence Hall is 4:10.

$100 bill back

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In ancient Rome,

it was considered a sign of leadership

to be born with a crooked nose.

stephen-fry

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Minus 40 degrees Celsius

is exactly the same as

minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Minus 40 degrees Celsius is exactly the same as minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit

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Stressed

spelled backwards is

Desserts!

stressed scale

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