Merry Christmas Everyone.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi and thanks for taking time out of your Christmas celebrations to visit my blog.

Hope you are all having a great time and enjoying the Christmas spirit.

But just in case you are having too good a time here are a bunch of punny Christmas jokes.

Enjoy or endure – but have a very merry Christmas as well.

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rofl

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Ah! Christmas!

The one day of the year we can all say

our children are truly gifted!

kids-opening-gifts

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What do you call a blind reindeer?

I have no eye deer

rockstar-reindeer-cartoon-45903867

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Did you know that Santa stores all

the presents in the pole vault.

ice vault

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It has been said that the three phrases

that best sum up the Christmas season are:

“Peace on Earth”,

“Goodwill to Men” and

“Batteries not included.”

batteries-not-included

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Why is Santa a good race car driver?

Because he’s always in the pole position.

pole position

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Where do mistletoe go to become famous?

“Holly” wood!

Holly-icon

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How to cats greet each other at Christmas time?

A Furry Merry Christmas

& Happy Mew Year.

cats at christmas

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What do you call a cow

at the North Pole?

An Eski-moo.

cow at the North Pole

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Q: What’s the difference between

Tiger Woods and Santa?

A: Santa stopped at 3 ho’s.

tiger_ho_ho_ho

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The 4 stages of life:

1. You believe in Santa Claus

2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus

3. You dress up as Santa Claus

4. You look like Santa Claus

You look like Santa Claus

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Which reindeer was known

for his bad manners?

Rude-olph.

rudeolph-jumper

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Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Santa's naughty girls

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Christmas is the time of year

when women get Santamental.

women get Santamental

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If I was Miley Cyrus, I think I would have

roast twerky on Christmas Day.

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It’s Time For – The BIG Christmas Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Christmas week again folks and another year almost gone.

Time of course for the BIG Christmas quiz.

Some of the questions are fairly easy, but one or two will keep you thinking for a while.

So grab a cup of coffee, or something stronger if you like, and test your knowledge of Christmas and things Christmasy.

And, as always, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy, good luck, and a very Merry Christmas.

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The BIG Christmas Quiz

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Q.  1:  In which country does Santa have his own personal postcode ‘HOH OHO’?

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Q.  2:  Which Christmas plant takes its name from the first US Minister to Mexico?

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Q.  3:  What date is St Stephen’s Day?

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Q.  4:  The song ‘White Christmas’ was first performed in which 1942 movie?

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Q.  5:  Who is officially credited as the author of ‘Auld Lang Syne’?

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Q.  6:  ‘Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents’ is the opening line from which classic novel?

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Q.  7:  Which Christmas carol includes the lyrics ‘…To save us all from Satan’s power, when we were gone astray..’?

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Q.  8:  In ‘The Twelve Days Of Christmas’, what were there eight of?

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Q.  9:  If you’ve watched a TV show like ‘The Sopranos’ you’ve probably heard the term ‘Bada Bing’, but in what country is Christmas known as ‘Bada Din’ (the big day)?

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Q. 10:  Which of Santa’s reindeer shares its name with a mythical god of love?

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Q. 11:  What color are the berries of the mistletoe plant?

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Q. 12:  The character ‘Jack Skellington’ appears in which 1993 Tim Burton movie?

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Q. 13:  What’s the second line of “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas“?

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Q. 14:  Marzipan is made (conventionally in the western world) mainly from sugar and the flour or meal of which nut?

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Q. 15:  In the inspirational 1946 movie, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, what’s the name of George Bailey’s guardian angel?

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Q. 16:  What Christmas item was invented by London baker and wedding-cake specialist Tom Smith in 1847?

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Q. 17:  We all know that “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephan” and that he liked his pizzas deep pan crisp and even, but in which country was Wenceslas king?

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Q. 18:  Who wrote ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’?

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Q. 19:  Who were first people to visit the baby Jesus?

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Q. 20:  A Christmas present for country western fans. Who sang “It was Christmas in prison the food was real good, we had turkey and pistols carved out of wood”

            a) Willy Nelson        b) Johnny Cash        c) John Prine        d) Garth Brooks

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Q. 21:  What do George C. Scott, Alastair Sim, Daffy Duck, Patrick Stewart, Michael Caine, Fred Flintstone and Jim Carrey all have in common?

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Q. 22:  Which Christmas condiment is made from fruit sometimes referred to as ‘marshworts’?

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Q. 23:  The American ad writer Robert L. May invented which colorful Christmas character in 1939? 

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Q. 24:  ‘Three Kings Day’ is known by what numerical name in Britain?

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Q. 25:  What Angel visited Mary?

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Q. 26:  Which Christmas slogan was introduced by Clarissa Baldwin of Dogs Trust in 1978?

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Q. 27:  Peter Auty sang ‘Walking In The Air’ in what Christmas time movie?

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Q. 28:  What do American singer and actor Dean Martin, actress and singer Eartha Kitt, and Charlie Chaplin all have in common?

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Q. 29:  In the song The Twelve Days of Christmas, ‘…my true love brought to me nine…’ what?

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Q. 30:  Which American-born English poet, having first names Thomas Stearns, wrote the poem ‘The Cultivation Of Christmas Trees’?

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Q. 31:  Who composed the music known as ‘The Nutcracker Suite’, for the Christmas themed ballet The Nutcracker, premiered in St Petersburg, 1892?

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Q. 32:  What is the surname of the family in the 1989 movie ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’?

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Q. 33:  Patra, the birthplace of the original Santa Claus, St Nicholas, is in which modern country?

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Q. 34:  How many of Rudolph’s eight companions names start with ‘D’? (A point for the correct number and bonus points for each one you can name correctly.)

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Q. 35:  Which southern central US state, whose capital city has the same name, was the last to recognize Christmas as an official holiday?

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Q. 36:  Under which Puritan leader did the English parliament pass a law banning Christmas in 1647?

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Q. 37:  In the song ‘The Twelve Days Of Christmas‘, how many swans were a-swimming?

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Q. 38:  Why were Joseph and the expectant Mary on the road to Bethlehem in the first place?

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Q. 39:  In which country was Boxing Day renamed ‘Day of Goodwill’ in 1994?

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Q. 40:  How many Lords-a-leaping are there in ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’?

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Q. 41:  In which American state would you find the city of Bethlehem? 

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Q. 42:  Which Hasbro children’s robot action figures were the most popular Christmas presents in 1984?

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Q. 43:  What Christmas item takes its name from the old French word ‘estincelle’, meaning spark?

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Q. 44:  In the movie ‘Jingle All The Way’ name the toy Arnold Schwarzenegger was hunting?

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Q. 45:  Which famous mathematician was born on Boxing Day in 1791?

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Q. 46:  What does the word ‘Christ’ mean? 

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Q. 47:  Which 1987 action/comedy movie opens to the music of ‘Jingle Bell Rock’?   

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Q. 48:  What Apple product was reportedly the most popular Christmas gift in 2007?

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Q. 49:  A lot of them have already been mentioned in this quiz, so how many presents were given in total in the 12 Days of Christmas?

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Q. 50:  In the Christmas carol, which town is known as ‘Royal David’s City’?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  In which country does Santa have his own personal postcode ‘HOH OHO’?

A.  1:  Canada.

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Q.  2:  Which Christmas plant takes its name from the first US Minister to Mexico?

A.  2:  Poinsettia.

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Q.  3:  What date is St Stephen’s Day?

A.  3:  26th December.

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Q.  4:  The song ‘White Christmas’ was first performed in which 1942 movie?

A.  4:  Holiday Inn.

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Q.  5:  Who is officially credited as the author of ‘Auld Lang Syne’?

A.  5:  Robert Burns.

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Q.  6:  ‘Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents’ is the opening line from which classic novel?

A.  6:  Little Women.

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Q.  7:  Which Christmas carol includes the lyrics ‘…To save us all from Satan’s power, when we were gone astray..’?

A.  7:  God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

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Q.  8:  In ‘The Twelve Days Of Christmas’, what were there eight of?

A.  8:  Maids-a-milking.

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Q.  9:  If you’ve watched a TV show like ‘The Sopranos’ you’ve probably heard the term ‘Bada Bing’, but in what country is Christmas known as ‘Bada Din’ (the big day)?

A.  9:  India.

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Q. 10:  Which of Santa’s reindeer shares its name with a mythical god of love?

A. 10:  Cupid.

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Q. 11:  What color are the berries of the mistletoe plant?

A. 11:  White.

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Q. 12:  The character ‘Jack Skellington’ appears in which 1993 Tim Burton movie?

A. 12:  The Nightmare before Christmas.

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Q. 13:  What’s the second line of “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas”?

A. 13:  “Just like the ones I used to know”.

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Q. 14:  Marzipan is made (conventionally in the western world) mainly from sugar and the flour or meal of which nut?

A. 14:  Almond.

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Q. 15:  In the inspirational 1946 movie, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, what is the name of George Bailey’s guardian angel?

A. 15:  Clarence (Oddbody).

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Q. 16:  What Christmas item was invented by London baker and wedding-cake specialist Tom Smith in 1847?

A. 16:  Christmas cracker.

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Q. 17:  We all know that “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephan” and that he liked his pizzas deep pan crisp and even, but in which country was Wenceslas king?

A. 17:  Bohemia (Czech Republic)

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Q. 18:  Who wrote ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’?

A. 18:  Dr Seuss.

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Q. 19:  Who were first people to visit the baby Jesus?

A. 19:  Shepherds.

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Q. 20:  A Christmas present for country western fans. Who sang “It was Christmas in prison the food was real good, we had turkey and pistols carved out of wood”

    a. Willy Nelson    b. Johnny Cash    c. John Prine    d. Garth Brooks

A. 20:  Answer c. John Prine (‘Christmas in prison’ from the album Sweet Revenge)

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Q. 21:  What do George C. Scott, Alastair Sim, Daffy Duck, Patrick Stewart, Michael Caine, Fred Flintstone and Jim Carrey all have in common?

A. 21:  They have all played the role of Ebenezer Scrooge in movies or television.

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Q. 22:  Which Christmas condiment is made from fruit sometimes referred to as ‘marshworts’?

A. 22:  Cranberry sauce.

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Q. 23:  The American ad writer Robert L. May invented which colorful Christmas character in 1939?   

A. 23:  Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  

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Q. 24:  ‘Three Kings Day’ is known by what numerical name in Britain?

A. 24:  Twelfth Night.

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Q. 25:  What Angel visited Mary?

A. 25:  Gabriel.

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Q. 26:  Which Christmas slogan was introduced by Clarissa Baldwin of Dogs Trust in 1978?

A. 26:  A Dog Is For Life, Not Just For Christmas.

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Q. 27:  Peter Auty sang ‘Walking In The Air’ in what Christmas time movie?

A. 27:  The Snowman.

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Q. 28:  What do American singer and actor Dean Martin, actress and singer Eartha Kitt, and Charlie Chaplin all have in common?

A. 28:  All died on Christmas day.

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Q. 29:  In the song The Twelve Days of Christmas, ‘…my true love brought to me nine…’ what?

A. 29:  Ladies dancing.

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Q. 30:  Which American-born English poet, having first names Thomas Stearns, wrote the poem ‘The Cultivation Of Christmas Trees’?

A. 30:  T S Eliot.

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Q. 31:  Who composed the music known as ‘The Nutcracker Suite’, for the Christmas themed ballet The Nutcracker, premiered in St Petersburg, 1892?

A. 31:  Tchaikovsky.

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Q. 32:  What is the surname of the family in the 1989 movie ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’?

A. 32:  Griswold.

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Q. 33:  Patra, the birthplace of the original Santa Claus, St Nicholas, is in which modern country?

A. 33:  Turkey.

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Q. 34:  How many of Rudolph’s eight companions names start with ‘D’? (A point for the correct number and bonus points for each one you can name correctly.)

A. 34:  Three – Dasher, Dancer and Donner

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Q. 35:  Which southern central US state, whose capital city has the same name, was the last to recognize Christmas as an official holiday?

A. 35:  Oklahoma.

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Q. 36:  Under which Puritan leader did the English parliament pass a law banning Christmas in 1647?

A. 36:  Oliver Cromwell.

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Q. 37:  In the song ‘The Twelve Days Of Christmas’, how many swans were a-swimming?

A. 37:  Seven.

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Q. 38:  Why were Joseph and the expectant Mary on the road to Bethlehem in the first place?

A. 38:  To pay tax (and take part in a census). 

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Q. 39:  In which country was Boxing Day renamed ‘Day of Goodwill’ in 1994?

A. 39:  South Africa

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Q. 40:  How many Lords-a-leaping are there in ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’?

A. 40:  10.

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Q. 41:  In which American state would you find the city of Bethlehem?   

A. 41:  Pennsylvania 

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Q. 42:  Which Hasbro children’s robot action figures were the most popular Christmas presents in 1984?

A. 42:  The Transformers    

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Q. 43:  What Christmas item takes its name from the old French word ‘estincelle’, meaning spark?

A. 43:  Tinsel.

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Q. 44:  In the movie ‘Jingle All The Way’ name the toy Arnold Schwarzenegger was hunting?

A. 44:  Turbo Man.

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Q. 45:  Which famous mathematician was born on Boxing Day in 1791?

A. 45:  Charles Babbage.

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Q. 46:  What does the word ‘Christ’ mean?  

A. 46:  ‘Annointed’ (from the Greek ‘Xristo’).

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Q. 47:  Which 1987 action/comedy movie opens to the music of ‘Jingle Bell Rock;?   

A. 47:  Lethal Weapon

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Q. 48:  What Apple product was reportedly the most popular Christmas gift in 2007?

A. 48:  The iPod Touch.

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Q. 49:  How many presents were given in total in the 12 Days of Christmas?

A. 49:  364.

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Q. 50:  In the Christmas carol, which town is known as ‘Royal David’s City’?

A. 50:  Bethlehem.

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What’s Ice? – Skid Stuff!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It will all be over by this time next week, so today has to be the day for a special Christmas helping of seasonal puns.

Get your groans ready – you’re really going to need them this time!

Enjoy.

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rofl

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What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

Dancing-Santa-Reindeer-Funny-Christmas-GIF

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What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has no L.

christmas_animated_gifs_14

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What does Tarzan sing at Christmas time?

Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.

26

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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

christmas_animated_gifs_16

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What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

christmas-gift-box13

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How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

Merry Christmas Gif 17

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What’s the best present for a train conductor?

Platform shoes.

Christmas train

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What is a parent’s favorite Christmas carol?

Silent Night.

carolers

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Before it starts to sell its Christmas trees

the garden center gets really spruced up!

christmas_animated_gifs_reindeer

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Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Because every buck is dear to him.

christmas_animated_gif_41

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish

dancingsanta_e0

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Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

christmas-animated-elf

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What Santa had a motorbike instead of a sleigh, what kind would it be?

A Holly Davidson of course!

Holly D Santa biker

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If Santa and Mrs. Claus had a baby, what would he be?

A subordinate Claus.

santa-animated-elf-1

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“Why don’t we ever hear about ‘Olive,’ the 10th reindeer?” asked Bert.

“What 10th Reindeer?” asked Scott.

“You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”

Santa_and_Reindeer

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What does a reindeer do when he has an upset stomach?

He takes an elk-a-seltzer.

xmas-bird3

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What do you call an ELF who sings?

A Wrapper!

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Welcome To A Bumper Seasonal Edition Of Puns For The Holidays

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This week I have a bumper seasonal selection of word plays or puns that are all about or related to the Christmas Holiday Season. Some of them will sleigh you!

They aren’t any better or worse than normal, just themed.

And please don’t say they themed better last week!!!

Enjoy.

Doing puns is my stocking trade at this time of year…

christmas-stocking

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

low elf esteem

What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis.

tinselitis

What did the salt say to the pepper at Christmas?

Season’s Greetings.

santa salt pepper shakers

What do monkeys sing at Christmas time?

“Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way.”

jungle bells

Why did they ask the turkey to join the band?

Because he had the drum sticks.

turkey drumsticks

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

bald man comb over

A man walks into a diner desiring breakfast.

The waitress seats him and he asks what the specials are.

She tells him the Christmas special is Eggs Benedict.

He orders the special.

A little later, the waitress comes out with the Eggs Benedict, served on hubcaps.

Surprised, he asks why the hubcaps instead of regular plates?

Her response?

“There’s no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise.”

Dave's diner

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

Missle toe!

Missle-Toe cartoon!

What is Santa’s primary language?

North Polish.

polish santa claus

Is Christmas the one day of the year we can all say our children are truly gifted!

Cartoon kids Christmas gifts

What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple.

cartoon pineapple

Why does Santa like to go down chimneys?

Because it soots him!

sooty Santa

Won’t all that soot make him sick? No. He’s had his flue shot.

cartoon doctor

What famous playwright was intimidated by Christmas?

Noel Coward

Noel Coward cartoon

How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

fleece navidad

“Wouldn’t just gold and frankincense do?” the third wise man demurred.

cartoon-of-the-three-wise-men-with-gold-frankincense-and-myrrh

Why do you have to make sure the fire is out for Santa Claus coming down the chimney?

Coz if you didn’t you’d end up with a Crisp Cringle?

santa fire in chimney cartoon

What is a computer nerd’s favorite hymn?

Oh, .com all ye faithful!

computer_nerd

Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?

Because he was stuffed.

Stuffed_Turkey

Once there was a Tsar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great.

One day as he was standing in his house with his wife he looked out the window and saw something happening.

He says to his wife, “Look honey. It’s raining.” 

She, being the obstinate type, responded, ”I don’t think so, dear. I think it’s snowing.” 

But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, ”Let’s step outside and we’ll find out.” 

Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain.

So Rudolph turns to his wife and says, ”I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”

Russian Tsar

If you don’t believe in Xmas parties do you still remain eggnogstic?

tumbler-of-egg-nog

When the innkeeper’s assistant told Joseph there was no room at the Inn, he said “I’d like to see the manger.”

Joseph at the Inn

I was fed up by the time I got to my last present so I wrapped it up.

wrapping present

Are people who are afraid of Santa Claus-trophobic?

scared-of-santa

Oh, like I hadn’t heard that old chestnut before.

roasting chestnuts

“Why don’t we ever hear about ‘Olive,’ the 10th reindeer?” asked Bert.

“What 10th Reindeer?” asked Scott.

“You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”

OLIVE, THE OTHER REINDEER

Scrooge loves all the male reindeer, because every buck is dear to him.

mister scrooge magoo

What do you call Santa’s helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

joke-subordinate-clause-santas-helpers

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don’t exist!

santa-claus-flying-his-sleigh

Then there was the golfer who played on Christmas and hit a birdie. It was a partridge on a par 3.

cartoon-santa-playing-golf

The garden center got all spruced up to sell Christmas trees.

Christmas trees

This is not fir I can’t think of any more.

cartoon_christmas_tree

What is there left to say except have a Happy Holly Day.

Holly crown with red bow

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Have You Heard Of The Herd?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today was originally scheduled for the latest part in the short series about the curious and amusing phobias some people seem to have. But it’s a holiday week for most of us and I have put that post back until next week.

Instead I feel the urge to say something else. Two things actually.

First one is, have you heard of the herd? In particular the herd mentality, where people do something they have no need to do just because other people are doing it?

It happens a lot. Far too much in fact.

We witnessed it during the recent election campaign where people formed opinions not on the basis of their own analysis of the candidates and policies, but because of something someone else said or something they heard on tv.

We saw it again very recently after the dreadful murders in Connecticut where the unthinking herd ignored the real problem and  jumped on gun control as a solution to senseless attacks such as this. They might as well call for a ban on knives, axes, chainsaws, bows and arrows and gasoline when they are at it as any of these could do the same job in the hands of a mental defective.

And on December 24 we witnessed another example in grocery stores throughout the country (throughout the world even) as hoards of the unthinking joined the herd and bought up bread and food supplies like the shops would not be open again for at least a month. They are open again today you dummies!

These three examples have been going on for years and people never seem to learn, they just keep on following the herd without a thought in their heads.

And this leads me on to point two which is how little thought most of us give to what we are doing and what we are buying the already well off and pampered.

I know for a fact that Santa had orders for laptops and ipads and iphones and all sorts of other expensive playthings. And I also know that he hadn’t the sense to say no, but just bought them anyway. Mea culpa as much as anyone.

Then I got to thinking that life was a lot different when I was a kid. Yes we liked to get presents at Christmas, but they were a lot less sophisticated and a lot less expensive – even in relative terms. When I was eight, for example, I didn’t need a smart phone, or any phone come to think of it, nor was my social life so complicated and hectic that I had to have a chauffeur for all my must-do activities for every day of the week.

When I was a kid we had our toys, but we also had a thing called an imagination and we could make our own fun out of very little.

So what is the problem today? Why are kids so incapable of making their own entertainment? Why are they constantly “bored” without clicking a button on a computer consol or without someone else to do their thinking for them?

Like a lot of other things, it all boils down to money at the end of the day. Now I’m not advocating poverty as a solution to the world’s ills. Far from it. I like to make money, the more the better, and the thought of being, perhaps not rich, but comfortably well off is a very nice one. But if we had to we could all make do with a lot less. And I don’t think we would be any less happier in the process.

People in other countries seem to manage quite well. And they still seem to have the mental capacity to enjoy what little they have and make their fun out of next to nothing. In other words they are happy. If things do ever deteriorate to the extent that some of the doomsday preachers are telling us, there are a lot better prepared people in the world than there are in rich countries like America, or Britain, or Germany, etc.

Think about giving your kid or nephew or niece an old oil drum from the local garbage dump next Christmas instead of an ipod touch or some other overly expensive apple. I wonder how much music and entertainment they could get out of that?

Check out the video and you will see what I mean…

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I Suppose I Should Be Doing These On A Punday Not A Thursday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I got an email recently from Paul Ryan (well, probably one of his little helpers) inviting me to some kind of election shin-dig they were having. How he got my email address I don’t know because I haven’t signed up for anything even resembling political.

Whoever wins, we get the same people really in charge. There can be no doubt about that after Obama’s four years of “no we can’t” and changing nothing of consequence.

And then there was the debate in Denver. By all accounts a win for Romney and a lackluster performance by Obama. A CBS News poll of “uncommitted voters”, gave Romney 46% as opposed to 22% for Obama (with 32% calling it a tie).

Not that performance in debates count for much in the long run, but this one has made an “unshakable” lead for Obama into a much closer competition – until the next debate anyway – which might turn what has been a relatively dull campaign into something more exciting. Don’t hold your breath, though.

 

Meantime we have much more important things to investigate and to lighten the mood.

Yes, from pundit to punday, another excuse for more bad jokes, using the clever ploy of the pun.

Can you take it?

If you can, then enjoy.

 

 

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

 

 

Is the Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under?

 

 

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

 

 

A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.

 

 

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

 

 

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

 

 

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

 

 

Are Santa’s helpers subordinate clauses?

 

 

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

 

 

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

 

 

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

 

 

When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

 

 

When a scientist was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals to try to solve a problem he accidentally fell in and became part of the solution.

 

 

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, could it spell disaster?

 

 

After they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

 

 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 

 

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

 

 

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

 

 

Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.

 

 

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

 

 

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More Monday Madness – It’s Quiz Show Answers Time Again

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another Monday and more quiz show answers. Those that know about these things tell me that the universe is expanding. All I can tell you it would need to be expanding fast because the amount of stupidity in the world is accelerating at a phenomenal rate.

Want proof?

Read on….(and enjoy)

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Q: An article of clothing kids usually don’t like wearing   

A: Gap 

 

 

Q: An occupation in which you disguise your appearance           

A: Doctor

 

 

Q: Name something women borrow from each other      

A: Husbands

 

 

Q: Name a bad place to look for good husband material

A: Family Reunion

 

 

Q: Name something you put under a pillow        

A: Radio

 

 

Q: An astronaut

A: Neil Young

 

 

Q: Name something a man wears to bed           

A: Condom

 

 

Q: Name a room in the house where the family gathers   

A: Bathroom

 

 

Q: Name something people do when they’re alone         

A: Make love

 

 

Q: Name something starting with “egg”  

A: Excellent

A: Eggland

 

 

Q: Someone you’d never want to see the results of your IQ test 

A: The IRS

 

 

Q: Name a pie that does not contain fruit           

A: Lemon Meringue

 

 

Q: An ugly color           

A: Puce

 

 

Q: The one thing people know about Rosie O’Donnell.   

A: That she was the wife on the TV show “Roseanne”

 

 

Q: Name something a wife tells her husband to put on   

A: Makeup

 

 

Q: Name something a woman out on a date would hate to discover on her face  

A: Booger

 

 

Q: Name a department in a supermarket

A: Lingerie

 

 

Q: Name something you keep in the drawer beside your bed      

A: Contraceptives

 

 

Q: Name a magazine that many men get subscriptions to as gifts           

A: Playgirl

 

 

Q: The one word that people yell at the end of a performance    

A: “I love you.” 

 

 

Q: Someone Bugs Bunny might invite to his birthday party         

A: Doc 

 

 

Q: Name something that might get backed up   

A: Trash

A: Yourself

 

 

Q: Name something you know about Rudy Giuliani        

A: Absolutely nothing

 

 

Q: Name something you’d yell at if it stopped working   

A: Spouse

 

 

Q: Name a game show title that best describes your marriage    

A: Happy Days 

 

 

Q: Name a food that’s red on the inside

A: Kiwi 

 

 

Q: The talent show with the crankiest judges, past or present      

A: America’s Funniest Home Videos

 

 

Q: Name something you wash once a week       

A: Self 

 

 

Q: Name a TV show with the word “family” in it, past or present  

A: My Three Sons

 

 

Q: One of Santa’s reindeer        

A: Nixon

 

 

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