I Can’t Stand X-Rays. They Go Right Through Me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some people feel the same way about puns.

I hope that doesn’t include you though.

So here are some more to….

Enjoy or endure!

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I didn’t know how to spell “plagiarized”

so I copied and pasted it.

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A foreign lady at the market held

two pineapples up to me yesterday and said

“I give you two for one sir”.

It seemed like a fair swap, but unfortunately

I didn’t have a pineapple on me.

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I got a luxury prize for using the correct

punctuation mark to denote ownership.

It was a posh trophy.

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Whenever I go on a long country ramble,

I always take a good reliable compass with me.

You just never know when you might need to draw a circle.

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Postman knocked on my door the other day and asked,

“Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.”

I said, “No, It’s not for me, my name’s Smith.”

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Went to a funfair the other day and saw that

the sign advertising it was missing the first F.

That’s just unfair.

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A new book out today:

the Korean canine training manual

50 Ways to Wok your Dog

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“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed

by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material

and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”

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I tried to order some tennis balls

off the internet last night

but the site kept crashing.

Must be having problems with their server.

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A new Muslim version of Playboy is being published.

The model for the centerfold has just been unveiled.

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I was going to make a herb garden the other day,

but I just haven’t got the thyme.

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I failed Geography at school.

I couldn’t find the exam room

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Have you noticed that prison walls

are never built to scale.

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I was on holiday in Spain when a friend  phoned me.

“How’s the hotel?” he asked.

“Well, I can’t complain, “ I replied.

“Oh, that’s good then,” he said.

I said, “No, it’s terrible! I just don’t speak the lingo.”

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A guy is climbing to the top of Mount Everest.

He has two steps to go when one of them notices

the heel on his right shoe is a little loose,

yet he decides to continue.

At the next step, the heel comes off and

the guy goes tumbling down the mountain.

As he goes by, he passes a couple of climbers.

First climber: Think we should help him?

Second climber: No, as he was going down

I heard him singing

“You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel.”

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Those Of A Nervous Disposition Should Look Away Now

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, those of a nervous disposition should indeed look away now, because today we have the penultimate list of irrational fears and phobias that seem to afflict certain members of the population. How and why they develop such curious mental afflictions I don’t. They are real to them, but foolish and amusing to the rest of us.

Today is ‘Q’, ‘R’ and ‘S’.

Enjoy.

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Quadraphobia ……….fear of the number four.

 

Quadriplegiphobia ……….fear of quadriplegics or fear of becoming a quadriplegic.

 

Quintaphobia ……….fear of the number five.

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Radiophobia ……….fear of radiation, x-rays.

 

Ranidaphobia ……….fear of frogs.

 

Rectophobia ……….fear of rectum or rectal diseases.

 

Rhabdophobia ……….fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)

 

Rhypophobia ……….fear of defecation.

 

Rhytiphobia ……….fear of getting wrinkles.

 

Rupophobia ……….fear of dirt.

 

Russophobia ……….fear of Russians.

 

Samhainophobia ……….fear of Halloween.

 

Sarmassophobia ……….fear of love play. (Malaxophobia)

 

Satanophobia ……….fear of Satan.

 

Scabiophobia ……….fear of scabies.

 

Scatophobia ……….fear of fecal matter.

 

Scelerophibia ……….fear of bad men, burglars.

 

Sciaphobia or Sciophobia or Sciaphobia ……….fear of shadows.

 

Scoleciphobia ……….fear of worms.

 

Scolionophobia ……….fear of school.

 

Scopophobia or Scoptophobia ……….fear of being seen or stared at.

 

Scotomaphobia ……….fear of blindness in visual field.

 

Scotophobia ……….fear of darkness. (Achluophobia)

 

Scriptophobia ……….fear of writing in public.

 

Selachophobia ……….fear of sharks.

 

Selaphobia ……….fear of light flashes.

 

Selenophobia ……….fear of the moon.

 

Seplophobia ……….fear of decaying matter.

 

Sesquipedalophobia ……….fear of long words.

 

Sexophobia ……….fear of the opposite sex. (Heterophobia)

 

Siderodromophobia ……….fear of trains, railroads or train travel.

 

Siderophobia ……….fear of stars.

 

Sinistrophobia ……….fear of things to the left or left-handed.

 

Sinophobia ……….fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.

 

Sitophobia or Sitiophobia ……….fear of food or eating. (Cibophobia)

 

Snakephobia ……….fear of snakes. (Ophidiophobia)

 

Soceraphobia ……….fear of parents-in-law.

 

Social Phobia ……….fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.

 

Sociophobia ……….fear of society or people in general.

 

Somniphobia ……….fear of sleep.

 

Sophophobia ……….fear of learning.

 

Soteriophobia ……….fear of dependence on others.

 

Spacephobia ……….fear of outer space.

 

Spectrophobia ……….fear of specters or ghosts.

 

Spermatophobia or Spermophobia ……….fear of germs.

 

Spheksophobia ……….fear of wasps.

 

Stasibasiphobia or Stasiphobia ……….fear of standing or walking. (Ambulophobia)

 

Staurophobia ……….fear of crosses or the crucifix.

 

Stenophobia ……….fear of narrow things or places.

 

Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia ……….fear of hell.

 

Suriphobia ……….fear of mice.

 

Symbolophobia ……….fear of symbolism.

 

Symmetrophobia ……….fear of symmetry.

 

Syngenesophobia ……….fear of relatives.

 

Syphilophobia ……….fear of syphilis.

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