I Can’t Stand X-Rays. They Go Right Through Me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some people feel the same way about puns.

I hope that doesn’t include you though.

So here are some more to….

Enjoy or endure!

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I didn’t know how to spell “plagiarized”

so I copied and pasted it.

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A foreign lady at the market held

two pineapples up to me yesterday and said

“I give you two for one sir”.

It seemed like a fair swap, but unfortunately

I didn’t have a pineapple on me.

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I got a luxury prize for using the correct

punctuation mark to denote ownership.

It was a posh trophy.

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Whenever I go on a long country ramble,

I always take a good reliable compass with me.

You just never know when you might need to draw a circle.

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Postman knocked on my door the other day and asked,

“Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.”

I said, “No, It’s not for me, my name’s Smith.”

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Went to a funfair the other day and saw that

the sign advertising it was missing the first F.

That’s just unfair.

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A new book out today:

the Korean canine training manual

50 Ways to Wok your Dog

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“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed

by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material

and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”

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I tried to order some tennis balls

off the internet last night

but the site kept crashing.

Must be having problems with their server.

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A new Muslim version of Playboy is being published.

The model for the centerfold has just been unveiled.

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I was going to make a herb garden the other day,

but I just haven’t got the thyme.

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I failed Geography at school.

I couldn’t find the exam room

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Have you noticed that prison walls

are never built to scale.

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I was on holiday in Spain when a friend  phoned me.

“How’s the hotel?” he asked.

“Well, I can’t complain, “ I replied.

“Oh, that’s good then,” he said.

I said, “No, it’s terrible! I just don’t speak the lingo.”

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A guy is climbing to the top of Mount Everest.

He has two steps to go when one of them notices

the heel on his right shoe is a little loose,

yet he decides to continue.

At the next step, the heel comes off and

the guy goes tumbling down the mountain.

As he goes by, he passes a couple of climbers.

First climber: Think we should help him?

Second climber: No, as he was going down

I heard him singing

“You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel.”

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Did You Know? More From The Strange Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here is another very random selection of strange facts from fasab’s files.

As with other in this series, by the time you have read these you will know more than you did and possible more than you want to.

But have a look anyway.

Enjoy.

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The adult electric eel can produce a five hundred volt shock,

which is enough to stun a horse

– and I don’t mean a seahorse!

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As an iceberg melts, it makes a fizzing sound
because of the compressed air bubbles popping in the ice

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Kermit the frog delivered the commencement address

at Southampton College located in the state of New York in 1996

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The mythical Scottish town of Brigadoon

appears for one day every one hundred years

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A rainbow can occur only when the sun

is 40 degrees or less above the horizon

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The most common injury caused by cosmetics

is to the eye by a mascara wand

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The sound made by the toadfish when mating underwater

is so loud that it can be heard by humans on the shore

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In America, approximately 20% of children between

the ages of 2 – 7 have televisions in their rooms

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Families who do turn off the television during meals tend to eat healthier.

This was regardless of family income, or education

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Two out of five people end up marrying their first love

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Forty-one percent of women apply body and

hand moisturizer at least three times a day

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Scientists have determined that having guilty feelings

may actually damage your immune system

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The first box of Crayola that was ever sold

had the same eight colours that are sold in the box today

consisting of red, blue, yellow, green, violet, orange, black and brown.

The box was sold for a nickel in 1903

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The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon.

This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time

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According to psychologists, the shoe and the foot

are the most common sources of sexual fetishism in Western society

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Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball

John Dillinger top left

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The first company to mass produce teddy bears was the Ideal Toy Company

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Flight pioneer and pilot, Orville Wright,

was involved in the first aircraft accident.

His passenger was killed.

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The mother of famous astronomer Johannes Kepler

was accused of being a witch

Johannes Kepler 1610

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In the past 60 years, the groundhog has only predicted

the weather correctly 28% of the time.

The rushing back and forth from burrows

is believed to indicate sexual activity, not shadow seeking

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