I Can’t Stand X-Rays. They Go Right Through Me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some people feel the same way about puns.

I hope that doesn’t include you though.

So here are some more to….

Enjoy or endure!

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I didn’t know how to spell “plagiarized”

so I copied and pasted it.

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A foreign lady at the market held

two pineapples up to me yesterday and said

“I give you two for one sir”.

It seemed like a fair swap, but unfortunately

I didn’t have a pineapple on me.

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I got a luxury prize for using the correct

punctuation mark to denote ownership.

It was a posh trophy.

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Whenever I go on a long country ramble,

I always take a good reliable compass with me.

You just never know when you might need to draw a circle.

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Postman knocked on my door the other day and asked,

“Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.”

I said, “No, It’s not for me, my name’s Smith.”

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Went to a funfair the other day and saw that

the sign advertising it was missing the first F.

That’s just unfair.

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A new book out today:

the Korean canine training manual

50 Ways to Wok your Dog

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“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed

by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material

and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”

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I tried to order some tennis balls

off the internet last night

but the site kept crashing.

Must be having problems with their server.

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A new Muslim version of Playboy is being published.

The model for the centerfold has just been unveiled.

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I was going to make a herb garden the other day,

but I just haven’t got the thyme.

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I failed Geography at school.

I couldn’t find the exam room

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Have you noticed that prison walls

are never built to scale.

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I was on holiday in Spain when a friend  phoned me.

“How’s the hotel?” he asked.

“Well, I can’t complain, “ I replied.

“Oh, that’s good then,” he said.

I said, “No, it’s terrible! I just don’t speak the lingo.”

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A guy is climbing to the top of Mount Everest.

He has two steps to go when one of them notices

the heel on his right shoe is a little loose,

yet he decides to continue.

At the next step, the heel comes off and

the guy goes tumbling down the mountain.

As he goes by, he passes a couple of climbers.

First climber: Think we should help him?

Second climber: No, as he was going down

I heard him singing

“You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel.”

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Featuring Fasab’s Fun Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we are featuring Fasab’s Fun Fact File.

Another selection of random and interesting facts that may well come in handier than you think! 

And you are about to read, or try to, some of the longest words ever presented in the history of blog!!!

Enjoy.

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Honeybees use the sun as a compass which helps them navigate

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An average driver spends approximately 2 hours and 14 minutes

kissing in their car in a lifetime

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The highest recorded speed of a sneeze is 165 km per hour

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Actress Jamie Lee Curtis invented a special diaper for babies that has a pocket

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On an American one-dollar bill,

there is an owl in the upper right-hand corner of the “1” encased in the “shield”

and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner

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A dog by the name of Laika was launched into space

aboard the Russian spacecraft Sputnik 2 in 1957

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On average, an American home has 3-10 gallons of hazardous materials

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People whose mouth has a narrow roof are more likely to snore.

This is because they have less oxygen going through their nose

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In one day, a human sheds 10 billion skin flakes.

This amounts to approximately two kilograms in a year

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The Arctic Ocean covers an area of about 14,056,000 sq miles

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Over 50% of lottery players go back to work after winning the jackpot

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The phrase

“Often a bridesmaid, but never a bride,”

actually originates from an advertisement

for Listerine mouthwash from 1924

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A cesium atom in an atomic clock beats over nine billion times a second.

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Pluto was discovered on February 10, 1930 by Clyde Tombaugh

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America’s longest place-name is really Massachusetts’

“Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamauugg”

Native American for

“you fish on your side, I fish on my side, nobody fish in the middle,”

It is also known as Lake Webster.

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The longest town name in the United Kingdom (and Europe) is in Wales

“Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch”

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In New Zealand there is

“Taumata­whakatangihanga­koauau­o­tamatea­turi­pukakapiki­maunga­horo­nuku­pokai­whenua­kitanatahu”,

which translates roughly as

“The summit where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, the climber of mountains,

the land-swallower who travelled about, played his nose flute to his loved one”.

At 85 letters, it has been listed in the Guinness World Records as the longest place name in the entire world.

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But that doesn’t include the formal name or Bangkok, Thailand which is over 150 letters long

“Krungthepmahanakonbowornratanakosinmahintarayudyayamahadiloponoparatanarajthan

iburiromudomrajniwesmahasatarnamornpimarnavatarsatitsakattiyavisanukamphrasit”

The translation here is pretty much the unabridged history of the city rather than a word. 

krungthep mahanakhon

The land of angels, the great city of

amorn rattanakosin

immortality, various of devine gems,

mahintara yudthaya mahadilok pohp

the great angelic land unconquerable,

noparat rajathanee bureerom

land of nine noble gems, the royal city, the pleasant capital,

udomrajniwes mahasatarn

place of the grand royal palace,

amorn pimarn avaltarnsatit

forever land of angels and reincarnated spirits,

sakatattiya visanukram prasit

predestined and created by the highest devas.

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