postman

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Some people feel the same way about puns.

I hope that doesn’t include you though.

So here are some more to….

Enjoy or endure!

I didn’t know how to spell “plagiarized”

so I copied and pasted it.

A foreign lady at the market held

two pineapples up to me yesterday and said

“I give you two for one sir”.

It seemed like a fair swap, but unfortunately

I didn’t have a pineapple on me.

I got a luxury prize for using the correct

punctuation mark to denote ownership.

It was a posh trophy.

Whenever I go on a long country ramble,

I always take a good reliable compass with me.

You just never know when you might need to draw a circle.

Postman knocked on my door the other day and asked,

“Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.”

I said, “No, It’s not for me, my name’s Smith.”

Went to a funfair the other day and saw that

the sign advertising it was missing the first F.

That’s just unfair.

A new book out today:

the Korean canine training manual

50 Ways to Wok your Dog

“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed

by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material

and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”

I tried to order some tennis balls

off the internet last night

but the site kept crashing.

Must be having problems with their server.

A new Muslim version of Playboy is being published.

The model for the centerfold has just been unveiled.

I was going to make a herb garden the other day,

but I just haven’t got the thyme.

I failed Geography at school.

I couldn’t find the exam room

Have you noticed that prison walls

are never built to scale.

I was on holiday in Spain when a friend phoned me.

“How’s the hotel?” he asked.

“Well, I can’t complain, “ I replied.

“Oh, that’s good then,” he said.

I said, “No, it’s terrible! I just don’t speak the lingo.”

A guy is climbing to the top of Mount Everest.

He has two steps to go when one of them notices

the heel on his right shoe is a little loose,

yet he decides to continue.

At the next step, the heel comes off and

the guy goes tumbling down the mountain.

As he goes by, he passes a couple of climbers.

First climber: Think we should help him?

Second climber: No, as he was going down

I heard him singing

“You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel.”

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

When the new Congress gets itself organized (don’t hold your breath) here are a few important questions I think they should address. The people deserve to know the answers. We have been ignored for far too long!

What do you call male ballerinas?

How does Freddy Krueger wipe his butt? (Ouch!)

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

(This one in particular has annoyed me for years!)

Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Does the postman deliver his own mail?

Why is toilet bowl cleaner almost always blue in color?

Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

Is ‘vice-versa’ to a dyslexic just plain redundant?

How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall, but it’s illegal to keep one as a pet?

Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?

If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

Is it appropriate to say ‘good mourning’ at a funeral?

If there is an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule and therefore a rule that there is no exception to and does that mean there is not an exception to every rule, or that there is?