A Few Friday Funnies.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week we had a few political jokes.

This week we are having a look at some of the things political jokes have said when they were trying (in vain) to sound smart.

Try to forget that these are the idiots who are running the country and instead….

Enjoy .

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“This is a great day for France!”

President Richard Nixon at

French President Charles de Gaulle’s funeral.

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Senator John McCain in his presidential run:

“I was in Germany over the weekend and

President Putin of Germany gave

one of the old Cold War speeches as

he addressed the conference there.”

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Alaska Gov. Walter Hickel once justified a

plan to kill hundreds of wolves by saying,

“You just can’t let nature run wild.”

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“Desert Storm was a stirring victory for

the forces of aggression and lawlessness.”

Vice President Dan Quayle

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“We will not close any bases that are not needed.”

Les Aspin, secretary of defense

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“I would never approach a small-breasted woman.”

President Clinton, denying that he

had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey.

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“I am working for the time when unqualified

blacks, browns and women join the unqualified

men in running the government.”

Frances “Sissy” Farenthold, Texas state representative

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“This isn’t rocket science here.”

Tom Daschle, U.S. senator from South Dakota,

denouncing spending on space-based missile defense

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”We need to uptick our image with everyone,

including one-armed midgets.”

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele

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“Grown men should not be having sex with

prostitutes unless they are married to them.”

Jerry Falwell

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“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.”

Ronald Reagan

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“You can always follow me on Tweeter.”

Rick Perry

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“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful.

But there isn’t even one study

that can be produced that shows

that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”

Rep. Michele Bachmann

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“But obviously, we’ve got to stand

with our North Korean allies.”

Sarah Palin

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment.

It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Al Gore, Vice President

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I Just Knew I Was Going To Get Thrown Out Of The Optimism Society.

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And if you were an optimist who thought there would be no puns in June, then your membership of the society is in doubt too.

Here’s the latest batch.

Enjoy or endure!

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Some people have a way with words,

others not have way.

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My friend received an email yesterday asking him

to send trouser zips to the address provided.

I told him to ignore it,

it sounds like they are fly phishing.

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I thought growing my own lettuce would be difficult

but it was quite easy in the end.

It’s not rocket science.

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A policeman asked me to come down

to the station for an interview.

I haven’t even applied for a job there.

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This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.

“In English,” he explained, “a double negative forms a positive.

In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.”

“However,” the professor continued, “there is no language wherein

a double positive can form a negative.”

Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up:

“Yeah….. right….”

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I remember when my parents died,

all they left me was a globe.

It meant the world to me….

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If I had a billion pounds

for every time I underestimated…

I would be a millionaire.

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My mate Steven, who shares the same name as me,

thought it was funny to erase the letters ‘St’ from my pencil case.

So, during break, I did the same to his.

Now we’re even.

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My father worked in a steel fabrication plant.

They didn’t produce anything,

they just said they did.

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Jimmy: “Can I ask you a question?”

Ted: “Sure, what is it?”

Jimmy: “It’s an interrogative statement, used to test knowledge.”

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I have no idea what the opposite of imagination is.

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After hearing my son saying,

“I want to be good with acoustic,”

I decided to buy him a guitar.

Turns out he wanted a pool cue.

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The Internet now has the second largest collection of jokes in the world…

The House of Representatives is still hanging on to the top spot.

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I told my mum I was going out for a walk.

She said, “How long will you be gone?”

I said, “Probably the whole time”

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Look, at the end of the day

….. it’s night!

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The Stupider People Are, The More They Complicate Things!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for a mid-week rant I think.

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You may have noticed from the tag line of this blog that its major theme is to expose stupidity and bureaucracy and hopefully to encourage people to fight against it, rather than meekly fall in line with every idiotic rule and regulation that the bureaucratic morons introduce to make our lives a misery.

It is one of those curious contradictions in life that the stupider people are, the more they complicate things and the more they try to regulate things that require no regulation.

They just don’t understand that simplicity can sometimes be the most effective solution to problems – if indeed the problems they perceive even exist in the first place.

On the other hand, things that do need regulating, like the banksters for example, are left largely without interference.

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The big question is, why do these idiot bureaucrats needlessly complicate our lives? 

Many years ago I figured it out.

They do it to try to enhance their own importance. It’s as easy as that.

Let’s face it, most bureaucratic jobs don’t take a rocket scientist’s brain to cope with them. They are easy and repetitive but if done correctly can be completed quickly and without upsetting anyone.

But the bureaucrats won’t have it that way. Complicate the task is their solution. If they do that they need more staff to help them. If they have more staff they get to be in charge of more people, which makes them more important. If they complicate it even more they might need a whole department. And on and on it goes.

In the business world there are empire builders in all large companies. People of mediocre ability, but with enough survival instinct to create a belief that what they do is useful to the company. 

As time goes on they are able to hide within their little empires inside a company and no one questions if what they are doing is really needed and certainly few realize how dumb they are. It is only once they leave this safe environment that the truth becomes clearer.

I have encountered several of these beasts out in the open and it is not a pretty sight. They are so dumb that they have forgotten how dumb they really are. Inflated with their artificially induced and undeserved stature within their former companies they imagine that out in the real world they are, not just ‘as good’ as everyone else, but ‘better’ than everyone else! Invariably they make a mess of things, but unfortunately they cause a lot of damage, sometimes irreparable, before they are caught on and fired. 

Obviously the same type of people are in public life too. In fact this is where they excel, because here it is much harder to pin down their accountability and fire them. In many cases the people who have the power to fire them are exactly the same types and the last thing they want to do is diminish the size of their own empires.

Have you ever noticed that an average town or city can function quite well and efficiently with a mayor and a handful of administrators.

Yet if you take the same town or city ten years later, while it probably hasn’t changed much as regards size, (only in exceptional circumstances would it have doubled or trebled its population or area), it’s local bureaucracy has more than doubled and trebled in size, probably a lot more. It probably also has an increasing number of by-laws and regulations and to pay for it all more and more property and other taxes are being demanded from the community. Clearly all this additional bureaucracy is not needed. But it is there and will continue to grow.

Why do we allow this? Why do we keep electing people whose only idea seems to be the provision of the same basic services at an ever increasing cost?

Big government, federal government, is even worse.

The European Parliament, for example, churns out regulation after regulation after regulation, about ridiculous things like how straight a cucumber should be or how bent a banana can be and still be called a banana! 

Washington has adopted the same strategy, sticking its nose in things that are none of its business and that only serve to hinder rather than help the people who elected them.

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It’s about time we tried to stop this spiral into disaster.

It’s time big brother and all his little administrators had their noses put out of joint. 

Remember, “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”,  wherever and whenever you can!

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Stupidity Always Finds A Way – Out Of A Politician’s Mouth!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I have a healthy contempt for politicians and bureaucrats as you’ve probably gathered if you’ve read much of this blog. And it’s well justified.

I could relate some stories to emphasize my point, but actually I don’t have to. The politicians themselves have proved it themselves. Here’s a short selection to show you what I mean.

Enjoy

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Hillary Clinton:

“We are the president.”

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Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President:

“I invented the internet.”

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Bob Dole, former Republican United States Senate Majority Leader from Kansas:

“Life is very important to Americans.”

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President Richard Nixon at French President Charles de Gaulle’s funeral:

“This is a great day for France!”

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Barack Obama at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon:

“I’ve now been in 57 states – I think one left to go.”

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Alaska Gov. Walter Hickel once justified a plan to kill hundreds of wolves by saying:

“You just can’t let nature run wild.”

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Strom Thurmond, U.S. senator from South Carolina:

“The U.S. Senate is a special place. I love all of you and especially your wives.”

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Vice President Dan Quayle:

“Desert Storm was a stirring victory for the forces of aggression and lawlessness.”

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California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger:

“I don’t understand how they can call me anti-Latino when I’ve made four movies in Mexico.”

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Frances “Sissy” Farenthold, Texas state representative:

“I am working for the time when unqualified blacks, browns and women join the unqualified men in running the government.”

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Miriam “Ma” Ferguson, Texas governor:

“If the King’s English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me.”

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Tom Daschle, U.S. senator from South Dakota, denouncing spending on space-based missile defense:

“This isn’t rocket science here.”

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Larry Koon, South Carolina state representative:

“Women are best suited for secretarial work, decorating cakes and counter sales, like selling lingerie.”

Mr Koon’s face has been removed from this post for his own safety in light of these remarks

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Jay Dickey Jr., U.S. representative from Arkansas:

“I think incest can be handled as a family matter within the family.”

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Jerry Brown, former Governor of California:

“We’re going to move left and right at the same time.”

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Excerpt from Bill Clinton’s grand jury testimony:

“It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is” –

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