A Few Friday Funnies.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week we had a few political jokes.

This week we are having a look at some of the things political jokes have said when they were trying (in vain) to sound smart.

Try to forget that these are the idiots who are running the country and instead….

Enjoy .

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“This is a great day for France!”

President Richard Nixon at

French President Charles de Gaulle’s funeral.

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Senator John McCain in his presidential run:

“I was in Germany over the weekend and

President Putin of Germany gave

one of the old Cold War speeches as

he addressed the conference there.”

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Alaska Gov. Walter Hickel once justified a

plan to kill hundreds of wolves by saying,

“You just can’t let nature run wild.”

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“Desert Storm was a stirring victory for

the forces of aggression and lawlessness.”

Vice President Dan Quayle

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“We will not close any bases that are not needed.”

Les Aspin, secretary of defense

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“I would never approach a small-breasted woman.”

President Clinton, denying that he

had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey.

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“I am working for the time when unqualified

blacks, browns and women join the unqualified

men in running the government.”

Frances “Sissy” Farenthold, Texas state representative

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“This isn’t rocket science here.”

Tom Daschle, U.S. senator from South Dakota,

denouncing spending on space-based missile defense

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”We need to uptick our image with everyone,

including one-armed midgets.”

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele

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“Grown men should not be having sex with

prostitutes unless they are married to them.”

Jerry Falwell

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“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.”

Ronald Reagan

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“You can always follow me on Tweeter.”

Rick Perry

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“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful.

But there isn’t even one study

that can be produced that shows

that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”

Rep. Michele Bachmann

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“But obviously, we’ve got to stand

with our North Korean allies.”

Sarah Palin

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment.

It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Al Gore, Vice President

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Political Jokes!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, this isn’t a list of the names of the members of the HoR or the Senate, or even the Obama administration, although I see why you would have jumped to that conclusion.

I thought I would try to lighten the mood for the weekend by posting some of the political jokes that made me smile.

Hope they have the same effect on you.

Enjoy.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

they should both be changed regularly…

and for the same reason.

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Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new ‘Obama Value Meal’?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

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Q: How many politicians does

it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and

another one to change it back again.

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Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Senator.

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We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope.

Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

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The recession is getting so bad,

the bank sent me a new type of credit card.

It was pre-declined.

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It was so cold in Washington today,

I saw a Democrat who had his hands in his own pockets!

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I is very proud dat I went 2 school in da UK.

I fink out of all 17 countries in da world UK is da best.

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When they call the roll in the Senate,

the Senators do not know whether to answer

‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’ 

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.Today’s public figures can no longer

Today’s public figures can no longer

write their own speeches or books,

and there is some evidence

that they can’t read them either. 

(Gore Vidal.)

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‘Politics is the art of looking for trouble,

finding it whether it exists or not,

diagnosing it incorrectly,

and applying the wrong remedy’.

(Ernest Benn.)

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‘Politicians are the same all over.

They promise to build bridges,

even where there are no rivers’.

(Nikita Kruschchev.)

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I just hope our next world war isn’t with China.

Who would make uniforms for the troops?

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The Iranian leader has left

on a tour of friendly countries.

He’s expected home tomorrow.

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Foreign Aid :

Poor people in a rich country

sending money to

rich people in a poor country.

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I rarely speak to Obama supporters,

but when I do….

I ask for large fries.

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Obama: “Here we are, two black presidents.”

Mandela: “You’re not very black.”

Obama: “I’ve not been to jail.”

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President Obama met Bill Clinton for lunch.

“I was sorry to hear about Hillary’s concussion,”

Obama said. “How’s her head?”

“It’s fine,” Bill replied.

“But she’s no Monica.”

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My computer crashed earlier and I lost all my files,

Luckily the NSA has a back up…

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Stop repeat offenders.

Don’t re-elect them!

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Democracy:

A political system where

any two idiots outvote a genius.

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How many Feminists does

it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to get a man to change it,

and the other to criticize men for inventing it.

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Spin doctors:

People who never call a spade a spade.

They proclaim it as a ground-breaking innovation.

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Politicians should serve two terms.

One in office, one in prison.

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No matter who you vote for

the government always seems to get in.

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Definition of an elephant:

A mouse built to government specifications.

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The word ‘politics’ is derived from

the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’,

and the word ‘ticks’,

meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.

(Larry Hardiman.)

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Some say puns are the lowest form of Hugh Moore…….whoever he is???

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, pun day again! The jokes you love to pretend to hate.

They are a bit like quicksand, the more you struggle the harder it is to get away from them.

Take my advice and just sit back and enjoy.

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Ever since my mate directed his first movie, he’s been a nightmare at parties.

He’s always creating a scene.

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I retired yesterday after working for 30 years on a conveyor belt.

It was a very moving experience.

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My parents are forcing me to wear a turban because of my religion.

It makes me sikh.

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My wife cost me a fortune when I took her out for a meal yesterday.

Take my advice. Never put A la carte before the horse.

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I bought some cheap glasses.

They’re fiver optics.

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I can’t think of any boat puns.

Canoe?

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What’s the difference between Oxfam and Islam?

Oxfam is a non profit organisation.

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If ignorance is bliss,

why are McDonald’s staff never happy?

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A friend of mine dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water

….I think he meant well.

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I don’t approve of political jokes.

I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

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Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

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In case you’re wondering, I don’t suffer from insanity;

I enjoy every minute of it.

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