I Just Knew I Was Going To Get Thrown Out Of The Optimism Society.

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And if you were an optimist who thought there would be no puns in June, then your membership of the society is in doubt too.

Here’s the latest batch.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Some people have a way with words,

others not have way.

you_have_a_way_with_words_by_geistgirl-d4a9hky

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My friend received an email yesterday asking him

to send trouser zips to the address provided.

I told him to ignore it,

it sounds like they are fly phishing.

trouser zips

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I thought growing my own lettuce would be difficult

but it was quite easy in the end.

It’s not rocket science.

rocket lettuce

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A policeman asked me to come down

to the station for an interview.

I haven’t even applied for a job there.

police_officer_cartman

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This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.

“In English,” he explained, “a double negative forms a positive.

In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.”

“However,” the professor continued, “there is no language wherein

a double positive can form a negative.”

Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up:

“Yeah….. right….”

linguistics professor double negative

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I remember when my parents died,

all they left me was a globe.

It meant the world to me….

globe

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If I had a billion pounds

for every time I underestimated…

I would be a millionaire.

1 billion versus 1 million dollars

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My mate Steven, who shares the same name as me,

thought it was funny to erase the letters ‘St’ from my pencil case.

So, during break, I did the same to his.

Now we’re even.

steven even

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My father worked in a steel fabrication plant.

They didn’t produce anything,

they just said they did.

empty steel fabrication plant

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Jimmy: “Can I ask you a question?”

Ted: “Sure, what is it?”

Jimmy: “It’s an interrogative statement, used to test knowledge.”

an interrogative statement

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I have no idea what the opposite of imagination is.

NO IDEA PIC

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After hearing my son saying,

“I want to be good with acoustic,”

I decided to buy him a guitar.

Turns out he wanted a pool cue.

pool cue

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The Internet now has the second largest collection of jokes in the world…

The House of Representatives is still hanging on to the top spot.

House of Representatives

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I told my mum I was going out for a walk.

She said, “How long will you be gone?”

I said, “Probably the whole time”

out for a walk

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Look, at the end of the day

….. it’s night!

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Did You Know? It’s Another Furious Fact Feast.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another furious fact feast it is.

And I bet there are at least some of these you didn’t know.

So read on and….

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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The bible is available

in 2454 languages.

king-james-bible

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There are 2,400 languages classified as being ‘endangered’.

231 languages are now completely extinct.

One language dies about every 14 days.

language-extinction-hotspot

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If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19.

You also have the largest amount of money in coins

without being able to make change for a dollar.

3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19

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In the average lifetime, a person will walk

the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

the equator

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In the early days of the telephone,

operators would pick up a call and use the phrase,

“Well, are you there?”.

It wasn’t until 1895 that someone suggested

answering the phone with the phrase

“number please?”

telephone operators 1800s

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The surface area of

an average-sized brick

is 79 cm squared.

jumbo_brick

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It would take 11 Empire State Buildings,

stacked one on top of the other,

to measure the Gulf of Mexico at its deepest point.

Empire State Building

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It took Leo Tolstoy six years to write “War & Peace”.

(It took me longer to read it!)

War_and_Peace_book

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The names of the two stone lions in front of the

New York Public Library are Patience and Fortitude.

They were named by then-mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.

New York Public Library lions

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When Concorde was flying from London to New York,

due to the time zones crossed,

you could arrive 2 hours before you departed.

Concorde

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Many Police dogs are trained to react to commands in a foreign language;

commonly German but more recently Dutch or Hungarian.

Police dogs training

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On the new hundred dollar bill the time

on the clock tower of Independence Hall is 4:10.

$100 bill back

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In ancient Rome,

it was considered a sign of leadership

to be born with a crooked nose.

stephen-fry

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Minus 40 degrees Celsius

is exactly the same as

minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Minus 40 degrees Celsius is exactly the same as minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit

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Stressed

spelled backwards is

Desserts!

stressed scale

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