A Few Friday Funnies.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week we had a few political jokes.

This week we are having a look at some of the things political jokes have said when they were trying (in vain) to sound smart.

Try to forget that these are the idiots who are running the country and instead….

Enjoy .

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“This is a great day for France!”

President Richard Nixon at

French President Charles de Gaulle’s funeral.

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Senator John McCain in his presidential run:

“I was in Germany over the weekend and

President Putin of Germany gave

one of the old Cold War speeches as

he addressed the conference there.”

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Alaska Gov. Walter Hickel once justified a

plan to kill hundreds of wolves by saying,

“You just can’t let nature run wild.”

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“Desert Storm was a stirring victory for

the forces of aggression and lawlessness.”

Vice President Dan Quayle

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“We will not close any bases that are not needed.”

Les Aspin, secretary of defense

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“I would never approach a small-breasted woman.”

President Clinton, denying that he

had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey.

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“I am working for the time when unqualified

blacks, browns and women join the unqualified

men in running the government.”

Frances “Sissy” Farenthold, Texas state representative

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“This isn’t rocket science here.”

Tom Daschle, U.S. senator from South Dakota,

denouncing spending on space-based missile defense

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”We need to uptick our image with everyone,

including one-armed midgets.”

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele

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“Grown men should not be having sex with

prostitutes unless they are married to them.”

Jerry Falwell

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“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.”

Ronald Reagan

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“You can always follow me on Tweeter.”

Rick Perry

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“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful.

But there isn’t even one study

that can be produced that shows

that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”

Rep. Michele Bachmann

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“But obviously, we’ve got to stand

with our North Korean allies.”

Sarah Palin

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment.

It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Al Gore, Vice President

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Did You Know? Facts, Facts And More Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fact day again on the fasab blog.

Another twenty things you probably don’t know now, but not to worry, you will do soon if you read on.

Enjoy.

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Before Gmail, “G-Mail” was the name of a free

email service offered by Garfield’s website.

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In America the bonnets and caps of city fire hydrants

are painted certain colors to alert firefighters

to the amount of water pressure available from that hydrant.

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It isn’t water itself that conducts electricity,

but the impurities found in it.

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Richard Hollingshead of Camden, N.J., built the first

drive-in theater in his driveway.

The idea was inspired by his mother who was a large woman

who found the seats at regular movie theaters uncomfortable.

He made it with a sheet strung between two trees and

a movie projector mounted to the hood of his car.

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Washington state’s Mt. Rainier is the tallest

volcano in the contiguous United States,

measuring nearly 14,500 feet in height.

It last erupted in 1854.

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Despite their menacing appearance and fierce name,

dragonflies cannot sting and are harmless to human beings.

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When referring to China, make sure

to say the People’s Republic of China.

Leave off “People’s” and you’re talking about Taiwan.

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Approximately one quarter of the United States’

homeless population are war veterans.

(Shameful statistic!)

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The inventors of bubble wrap,

Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes,

were originally trying to make plastic wallpaper.

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The toilet featured in Hitchcock’s Psycho

was the first flushing toilet to appear on-screen.

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Frankincense, one of the precious items

the wise men gave the baby Jesus,

was actually an ancient form of chewing gum

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The poinsettia is named after former

congressman and ambassador Joel Poinsett,

who introduced the plant to the United States in the 1800s.

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Peridots are the only gems that

have been found in meteorites.

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The longest jellyfish on record measured 160 feet,

more than half the length of a football field.

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All holly trees are gender specific – male or female.

Only the female holly tree bears fruit (berries),

and in order to do so there must be a male

pollinated tree within a two mile radius of her.

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Two-thirds of the world’s lawyers live in the United States.

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The Hard Rock Café got its name from a now-defunct bar that

appeared on the back of the Doors’ album Morrison Hotel.

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When cranberries are ripe, they bounce like a rubber ball.

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Due to the “naughty” dancing of the can-can girls and

the scantily clad models on 1800s French postcards,

the British equated anything risqué with France.

In fact, that’s how the phrase “pardon my French” entered the vernacular.

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Scott Joplin’s famous piano song, “Maple Leaf Rag,”

was not named for the leaf or for Canada:

it was named for the Maple Leaf Club,

a social gathering place in Sedalia, Missouri.

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I Miss Him

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, I miss him, I really do.

And from what some of you have said recently, I’m not the only one.

So, today I have the honor of recalling probably some of the greatest political statements ever made or ever likely to be made.

For those of you who were privileged to live through these wondrous years I hope you enjoy recalling some of these important moments. For those who were too young to appreciate them at the time, you are I think in for a delight.

But that’s enough of an intro.

Without further ado I present to you some of the immortal words of United States of America President, George W Bush.

Enjoy!

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“Public speaking is very easy.”

-George W. Bush

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“The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.”

– George W. Bush

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“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”

– George W. Bush

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“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.”

– George W. Bush

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“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

-George W. Bush

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“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.” 

– George W. Bush

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“We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.” 

– George W. Bush

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“The future will be better tomorrow.”

– George W. Bush

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“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”

– George W. Bush

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“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.” 

– George W. Bush

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“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”

– George W. Bush

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“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”

– George W. Bush

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

-George W. Bush

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“It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.”

– George W. Bush

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“You’ve also got to measure in order to begin to effect change that’s just more — when there’s more than talk, there’s just actual — a paradigm shift.” 

– George W. Bush

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“I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.”

– George W. Bush

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