“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Just playing about with words again.
Yes, it’s another pun day!
Endure or enjoy, whatever is your pleasure.
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I can’t help being lazy.
It walks in the family.
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To Err is human
To Aarrrgh is Pirate.
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I spent today trying to force as many
road signs from the ground as I could.
I pulled out all the stops.
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My son’s been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday,
so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!!
Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper on the web.
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The Wife bet me fifty bucks that
she could sing more football songs than me.
I beat her.
She had no Chants.
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Barbie has an awful lot of nice mini skirts
for a girl whose knees don’t bend.
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What did the brown tooth say to the white tooth?
‘Iz it ‘coz I iz plaque?’
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Windows 8.
Such a pane!
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I read in the newspaper:
‘Two people killed in separate chain attacks’
That can’t be true I thought.
They must be linked.
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It said on the News today that
“Cuts will hit the poor hardest”.
Why?
Can’t they even afford bandages?
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A friend in the bar said,
“I’ve just realized, your brothers Richard, Harold
and Charles are all named after kings.”
I said, ” Yeah, so! What’s your point?”
He said, ” Nothing. It’s your round Burger.”
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The internet has become too politically correct.
What’s all this nonsense about disabled cookies?
In my day they were called broken biscuits.
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I like to tell women that I’m responsible for
a large team of web designers.
I find it gets a better reception than saying
I live in an apartment that’s infested by spiders.
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A guy walks into a bar and asks, “How much is your beer?”
The barman says, “$4 for a pint and $10 for a pitcher.”
“Just gimme me a pint then,” says the guy.
“I got enough photos already!”
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My friend asked to borrow some money after
losing his job at the local hospital as a Stool Sample analyst.
Of course I couldn’t let him down.
Not after all the shit he’s been through…
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I know this guy who hangs round on the corners of maps.
Legend.
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Is your hair dull, lifeless and boring?
Well it’s hair, what else did you expect?
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I’ve spent five frustrating days
repeatedly shouting “Heal!” at my dog.
If it doesn’t work soon,
I might just have to take him to the vet.
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I called the Suicide Help Line once,
saying that I felt like throwing myself in front of a train and needed help.
They told me to stay on the line.
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I walked into the hairdressers today.
The guy said, “Can I help you sir?”
I said, “I’m after a short cut”.
Then I walked through the shop and went out of the fire exit.
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If an indoor shooting range is burning,
what does one scream to inform them?
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fasab 