A Conversation With The Cat.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I was walking through the house

the other day with my camera

when I spotted the cat lying on a sofa.

“Hi there.” I said. “Whatya doin?”

“Just chilling out here on the sofa,’” she said.

cat1

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“I have a joke for you,” I said.

So I told her a joke.

It must have been a good one,

my how she laughed.

cat2

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Then I asked,

“Mind if I take your photo?”

“Oh no, no way,” she replied.

“I haven’t combed my fur or anything.”

cat3

 

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No Excuse For A Bad Photo Nowadays!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In the town where I went to school the local photography shop was the place to go when you needed a photo for a passport or driving license or whatever. The guy who owned the store invariably came out with the following line when he got you positioned and was ready to take the shot…

“Would you like a good photograph

…..or one that looks like you?”

It’s easy to be cynical and complain about new technologies. Although on the whole I embrace new technology, I have at times been highly critical about some aspects (as with recent short series about the awful auto-correct cell phone feature – check out the “Bloopers” section if you want to see them).

But new technology has on most occasions made life easier or more convenient. And at times a lot less expensive.

Photography is one area where there can be no doubt that for most people the advances made with digital photography is a big plus.

Just as with musical recordings there are still purists out there who use reel-to-reel tape and prefer the crackly authenticity of vinyl LP records, with photography there are some who prefer to develop and print their own photographs.

For my part, however, the days of running down to the local pharmacy with my 35mm film and then repeating the process the next day to get the prints, many of which weren’t worth the expense and bother, are over. And thank goodness for that!

Nowadays you can snap 100 photos, pick out the best 20 or so, use your personal computer software (even free stuff like Google’s Picasa) to crop and improve them and then print off either professionally or on your own home printer only the ones you really like (the ‘keepers’ we call them).

Of course, there’s always a downside. And the BIG downside to all this is that there really is no excuse nowadays for taking a bad photo – and printing it!

Unfortunately that message hasn’t reached a lot of people yet, as the following examples illustrate.

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bad photo 011

 

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bad_photo_008

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bad photos 013

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bad_photo_007

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bad_photo_006

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bad_photo_005

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bad_photo_004

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bad photos 014

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bad_photo_001

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bad_photo_002

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bad_photo_003

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bad photos 008

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bad photos 009

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bad photo 012

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Did You Know? – It’s Another Fact Filled Tuesday.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A curious mixture of facts today, or maybe they’re always hat way?

Anyway, I’ll leave it up to you to decide.

But whatever conclusion you come to I hope you enjoy.

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did you know2

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As with many things, Penicillin was discovered accidently

when Scottish biologist Alexander Fleming came back from vacation

and noticed that his bacteria were all being killed off by a strange fungus.

Alexander_Fleming

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Every two minutes, we take as many photos

as all of humanity took during the 1800s.

Smile please!

taking-picture-photographer

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If you think no one cares if you’re alive,

try leaving some debts unpaid.

debts unpaid

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In 1942 Dr. Harry Coover found that a substance he created,

cyanoacrylate, was a failure.

It stuck to everything it touched just a little too well.

So he invented Super Glue.

Dr. Harry Coover superglued

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When Warner Brothers formed,

the Ottoman Empire was still in being.

warner brothers logo

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John Pemberton didn’t start out wanting to be a successful businessman.

He just wanted to cure headaches.

His recipes consisted of two things – coca leaves and cola nuts.

When his lab assistant accidentally mixed the two with carbonated water

Coke was born.

John Pemberton coca cola

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The oldest living person’s birth

is closer to the signing of the US Constitution

than present day.

signing of the US Constitution

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John Tyler, America’s 10th President,

has two living grandchildren.

Tylers-Son-and-Grandsons

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The last time the Chicago Cubs won a World Series,

women were not allowed to vote.

(Sorry for reminding you Cubs fans.)

Chicago Cubs

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If it weren’t for the last minute

nothing would ever get done.

last-minut

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While building an ocillator to record heart beat sounds in animals

at Cornell University Wilson Greatbatch accidentally grabbed the wrong transistor.

After switching on the device he found it to have

a very familiar rhythmic pulsing sound, very similar to a human heart.

So now we have Pacemakers!

GREATBACH-obit-articleInline

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Basque, a language spoken in the

mountains between France and Spain

is the only European language

not related to any other known language.

Basque

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President Kennedy was the fastest

random speaker in the world

with upwards of 350 words per minute.

President Kennedy

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Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper,

by the time you realize it’s open

it has already embarrassed you.

zipper

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The bagpipe was originally made

from the whole skin of a dead sheep.

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Without Me, It’s Just Aweso!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Just playing about with words again.

Yes, it’s another pun day!

Endure or enjoy, whatever is your pleasure.

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I can’t help being lazy.

It walks in the family.

lazy

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To Err is human

To Aarrrgh is Pirate.

penguinpiratearghLOGO

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I spent today trying to force as many

road signs from the ground as I could.

I pulled out all the stops.

stopsigns

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My son’s been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday,

so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!!

Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper on the web.

spider web

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The Wife bet me fifty bucks that

she could sing more football songs than me.

I beat her.

She had no Chants.

cheerleaders

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Barbie has an awful lot of nice mini skirts

for a girl whose knees don’t bend.

StarTrekKenBarbie

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What did the brown tooth say to the white tooth?

‘Iz it ‘coz I iz plaque?’

brown tooth white tooth

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Windows 8.

Such a pane!

Kipper Williams on Windows 8

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I read in the newspaper:

‘Two people killed in separate chain attacks’

That can’t be true I thought.

They must be linked.

chain

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It said on the News today that

“Cuts will hit the poor hardest”.

Why?

Can’t they even afford bandages?

bandaid

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A friend in the bar said, 

“I’ve just realized, your brothers Richard, Harold

and Charles are all named after kings.”

I said, ” Yeah, so! What’s your point?”

He said, ” Nothing. It’s your round Burger.”

burger_king_short

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The internet has become too politically correct.

What’s all this nonsense about disabled cookies?

In my day they were called broken biscuits.

disabled cookies

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I like to tell women that I’m responsible for

a large team of web designers.

I find it gets a better reception than saying

I live in an apartment that’s infested by spiders.    

cobwebs

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A guy walks into a bar and asks, “How much is your beer?”

The barman says, “$4 for a pint and $10 for a pitcher.”

“Just gimme me a pint then,” says the guy.

“I got enough photos already!”

bernard-schoenbaum-three-men-sit-at-bar-drinking-beer-on-each-man-s-shirt-is-one-letter-b-new-yorker-cartoon

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My friend asked to borrow some money after

losing his job at the local hospital as a Stool Sample analyst.

Of course I couldn’t let him down.

Not after all the shit he’s been through…    

stool sample

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I know this guy who hangs round on the corners of maps.

Legend.

map_legend

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Is your hair dull, lifeless and boring?

Well it’s hair, what else did you expect?

bad hair day

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I’ve spent five frustrating days

repeatedly shouting “Heal!” at my dog.

If it doesn’t work soon,

I might just have to take him to the vet.

mick-stevens-heal-cartoon

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I called the Suicide Help Line once,

saying that I felt like throwing myself in front of a train and needed help.

They told me to stay on the line.

man on railway line

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I walked into the hairdressers today.

The guy said, “Can I help you sir?”

I said, “I’m after a short cut”.

Then I walked through the shop and went out of the fire exit.

Cartoon shortcut. Normal cars, of course, had to go the long way.

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If an indoor shooting range is burning,

what does one scream to inform them? 

firing range

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Funny Fotos!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few weeks ago we had a short series of what were called ‘perfectly timed photos’ because in most cases the shutter was clicked at just the right moment to achieve the perfect result.

This lot are similar in so far as the end result is effective and hopefully amusing, although they are  a bit more contrived or ‘set up’ to achieve the required result.

Have a look and see what you think.

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ff01

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ff02

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ff03

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ff04

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ff05

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ff06

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ff07

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ff08

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ff09

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ff10

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ff11

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ff12

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ff13

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ff14

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ff15

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ff16

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Perfectly Timed Photos, Part Five

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another weekend and the final selection of perfectly timed photographs.

Since this is the last in this short series I am going to let the animals have the final word, or the final look might be more accurate.

Below is a mixture of domesticated and wild animals all caught on camera at exactly the right moment in time to produce fascinating and sometimes very funny pictures.

Hope you enjoy this final (for the moment) selection.

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ptp They Fly

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perfectly-timed-photos-part2-11

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Wheres-Waldo

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Three Headed Giraffe

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not a sausage

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dogbrick

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in jail

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invisible dog

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ambition

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dog flap

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toleration

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dear me

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clever dog

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puppy pig

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show me

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whats going on

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donkey smile

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Kung-Fu-Frog-Batam-Island-Indonesia

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slippery

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Perfectly Timed Photos, Part Four

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We’re getting close to the end of another month and close to the end of this short series.

Hope you enjoy this penultimate selection of perfectly times photos.

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 ptp No, I won't wave

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ptp Quick - grab my beer

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ptp right-moment

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ptp saddlesore

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ptp See Through Book

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ptp she_loves_a_cock

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skater

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ptp supportive crowd

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ptp tevez

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ptp Thanks for the ride

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ptp water stand

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avoiding-tornado

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