It’s March 17th So Some Facts About Saint Patrick Today.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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march 17 st patrick's day

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Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to one and all who celebrate these things.

Grab a glass of your green beer and find out a few facts about St. Patrick that you may find interesting and a little surprising.

Enjoy.

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donald duck st patrick's day

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Let’s start with this fact,

Saint Patrick wasn’t Irish

and he wasn’t born in Ireland.

Although he is remembered for introducing

Christianity to Ireland in the year 432, Patrick was

born to Roman parents in Scotland or Wales in

the late fourth century (about 385 AD)

so actually he’s British!

 

British Order of St Patrick
British Order of St Patrick

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And while we are doing a bit of myth-busting,

you might as well also know that the

Shamrock is not the symbol of Ireland.

It is a popular Irish symbol,

but the symbol of Ireland is the Harp.

As early as the medieval period, the harp appeared

on Irish gravestones and manuscripts and was

popular in Irish legend and culture well before that.

King Henry VIII used the harp on coins as early as 1534.

Later, it was used on Irish flags and Irish coats of arms.

Starting in 1642 the harp also appeared on flags

during rebellions against English rule and when

Ireland became an independent country in 1921,

it adopted the harp as the national symbol.

Harp national symbol of Ireland
The Harp is the national symbol of Ireland.

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Although today many people claim that

the shamrock represents faith, hope, and love,

or any number of other things,

it was actually used by Patrick to teach

the mystery of the Holy Trinity,

and how three things,

the Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit

could be separate entities, yet one in the same.

Obviously, the pagan rulers of Ireland found

Patrick to be convincing because they

quickly converted to Christianity.

 Holy-Trinity-Shamrock

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Patrick’s first introduction to the Irish was not a pleasant one.

At the age of 16, he had the misfortune of

being kidnapped by Irish raiders who took him away

and sold him as a slave.

He spent several years in Ireland herding sheep

and learning about the people there.

At the age of 22, he managed to escape and

made his way to a monastery in England where

he spent 12 years growing closer to God.

 (St) Patrick being given the opportunity to leave Ireland where he had been held as a slave

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The original color associated with St. Patrick is blue,

not green as commonly believed.

In several artworks depicting the saint,

he is shown wearing blue vestments.

King Henry VIII used the Irish harp in gold

on a blue flag to represent the country.

Since that time, and possibly before,

blue has been a popular color to represent

the country on flags, coats-of-arms,

and even sports jerseys.

Ireland’s association with the color green

came later, presumably because of the greenness

of the countryside, caused by endless rainfall.

Today, the country is also referred to as the “Emerald Isle.”

 saint patrick color blue

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The St. Patrick‘s Day parade was invented

in the United States, not Ireland.

On March 17, 1762, Irish soldiers serving in the British army

marched through New York City, the parade and accompanying

music helping the soldiers celebrate their Irish roots,

as well as reconnect with fellow Irishmen

serving in the British army.

In 1848, several New York Irish Aid societies united

their parades to form one official New York City

St. Patrick’s Day Parade which has become one of the

largest St Patrick’s parades with about 200,000

participants and 3 million onlookers.

It is also the oldest civilian parade in the United States.

Only the City of Boston rivals it.

 st patrick's day parade new york city

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By contrast, the world’s shortest St. Patrick’s Day

parade is in Dripsey, Cork, where the

parade lasts just 100 yards and

travels between the village’s two pubs.

 St. Patrick’s Day parade Dripsey Cork

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And only the Irish know why this parade goes from

one pub to the other because until 1970 St. Patrick’s

was what was known as a dry holiday in Ireland,

meaning that all pubs were shut down for the day.

The law was overturned in 1970, when St. Patrick’s

was reclassified as a national holiday

– cheers to that!

 green-beer

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In the United States during the mid 19th century,

the Roman Catholic Irish faced discrimination

much like that faced by African Americans.

Unlike the Protestant Irish who quickly assimilated

into their new country and became Americans,

(their descendants now number many millions in the USA),

the Roman Catholic Irish clung to their religion and culture

and were perceived as a potentially disloyal.

To combat this, they began to organize themselves politically

and by the end of the 19th century, St. Patrick’s Day was

a large holiday for the Roman Catholic Irish and an occasion

for them to demonstrate their collective political and social might.

In more recent times the political emphasis has faded along with

the discrimination, and the holiday has now become popular as an

opportunity for festivity regardless of one’s cultural background.

 St. Patrick’s Day parade new york roman catholic irish

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The New York and Boston St. Patrick’s Day celebrations

may well be impressive in their own right,

but they have a rival.

St Patrick’s Day has twice been celebrated in space.

In 2011, the International Space Station hosted

a St. Paddy’s Day celebration with Irish-American

astronaut Catherine Coleman playing a hundred-year-old flute

and a tin whistle belonging to members

of the Irish group, the Chieftains,

while floating weightlessly in space.

Coleman’s performance was included in a track entitled

”The Chieftains In Orbit” on the group’s album, ‘Voice of Ages’.

And in 2013, astronaut, Chris Hadfield, celebrated

St Patrick’s Day by photographing Ireland from

space while singing Danny Boy.

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I Decide Which Beer To Drink On A Case By Case Basis!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What other way can you sample beer?

While you are thinking about that here are a few more samples of word plays, otherwise knows as puns.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I photographed myself stealing from

the DIY store earlier today.

I took some shelfies.

shelves

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My friend Dave has drunk many weird

and wonderful things in his time.

I asked him if he’d ever drunk cologne.

“No,” he replied. “Always with friends.”

Armani_Cologne_for_men

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I don’t know why people feel the need to travel

around the world to “find themselves”;

I found myself years ago.

Turns out I was right under my nose.

nose

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I’ve recently been a stunt man in a couple of movies.

Nothing major, just a couple of small rolls.

Will-Dean-stunt-man-006

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I bought a chair at the furniture store

from a new range based on Thai furniture.

It’s called a ‘Ladyboy’.

La-Z-Boy

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Have you visited www. conjunctivitis. com?

It’s a site for sore eyes

sore eyes

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My attempts at making a ham soup are always ad hoc.

cartoon-ham-8

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With these terrible storms, I’ve been trying to think

of a way of stopping the water entering my property.

Can’t come up with anything though.

Damn!

sandbags dam

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Dijon vu

dijon vu mustard

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My sister fell in love with an arsonist.

She carried a torch for him for months.

They eventually split up, after a blazing row.

lit match

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The new strip bar in my town doesn’t let Jews in.

It’s a gentile man’s club.

Strip-Bar-sign

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I took a ‘Mickey Mouse’ degree and now

I’m head of animation at Disney Studios.

Mickey_Mouse

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Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him.

“Did you find the shampoo?”

“Oi did,” Paddy says,

“But it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”

dry hair shampoo

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One of the Sisters at the convent was kidnapped the other day.

Police blamed the lack of security at the premises.

The local newspaper summed it up with the headline…

“No ‘fence.  Nun taken.”

SISTER

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I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery.

I’ve had it right up to here with them.

blank page

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One For The Rod

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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How about a short story of love, betrayal, and revenge to end the week?

Enjoy.

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The divorce had just become final and she was preparing to remove all her remaining belongings from what had been “their” house.

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light. She put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

Then she cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, her ex-husband came back to the house with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

smellyhouse2

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days.

In the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

smellyhouse1

Finally, the ex and his new girl couldn’t take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move.

But a month later – even though they’d cut their price in half – they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to buy a new place.

It was then that she called her ex-husband and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

He was so desperate to get rid of the unsaleable house, that he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth.

And because he knew she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he wasn’t going to give her any time to visit the place again.

The deal was good only if she would sign the papers that very day!

She agreed.

Within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork which she duly signed.

A week later her ex-husband and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home…….

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……and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods too!

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Aren’t happy endings just great?

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Some say puns are the lowest form of Hugh Moore…….whoever he is???

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, pun day again! The jokes you love to pretend to hate.

They are a bit like quicksand, the more you struggle the harder it is to get away from them.

Take my advice and just sit back and enjoy.

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Ever since my mate directed his first movie, he’s been a nightmare at parties.

He’s always creating a scene.

director

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I retired yesterday after working for 30 years on a conveyor belt.

It was a very moving experience.

conveyor belt

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My parents are forcing me to wear a turban because of my religion.

It makes me sikh.

turban

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My wife cost me a fortune when I took her out for a meal yesterday.

Take my advice. Never put A la carte before the horse.

a la carte

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I bought some cheap glasses.

They’re fiver optics.

glasses

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I can’t think of any boat puns.

Canoe?

canoe

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What’s the difference between Oxfam and Islam?

Oxfam is a non profit organisation.

non profit

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If ignorance is bliss,

why are McDonald’s staff never happy?

mcdonalds cartoon

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A friend of mine dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water

….I think he meant well.

digging

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I don’t approve of political jokes.

I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

political jokes

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Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

cartoon marriage

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In case you’re wondering, I don’t suffer from insanity;

I enjoy every minute of it.

informed-sanity

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It’s Better To Love A Short Girl Than Not A Tall.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It may be better to love a short girl than not a tall, but it’s definitely better to have a read at some puns than not at all.

Another selection guaranteed to extract a few laughs or groans.

Enjoy!

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I’m going out tonight to prove I can travel by bus without a valid ticket.

I’ll let you know how I got on.

bus stop

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I feel that geographical puns are beneath me;

there’s Norway I’d go Oslo as that.

Maths puns are the first sine of madness.

My wife said she’s getting fed up of my constant guitar puns.

I told her not to fret.

view-of-human-fingers-on-guitar-fret-board

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What is yellow and white, and throws itself off the edge of the dining table?

A lemming meringue.

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My dentist just won ‘dentist of the year’

All he got was a little plaque.

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Pancake day really crepe’d up on me this year.

Pancakes

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Suicide bombers: what makes them tick?

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I used to have a job operating an elevator.

It had its ups and downs…

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A bloke walks into a pub and orders himself a pint.

He notices Vincent Van Gogh is sitting on the next barstool and asks him if he wants a pint, too.

“No thanks,” replies Vincent. “I’ve got one ear.”

van gogh

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My mate said he had a new job at a Bowling Alley.

I said, “Ten Pin?”

He replied, “No – it’s permanent.”

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Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

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Exit signs. They’re on the way out, aren’t they?”

exit

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Twelve!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Saturday again and time for another selection of classified ads that would probably be better classified as mistakes.

Judge for yourself if the people who created these got it right or not.

Enjoy!

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classified ad anniversary coupon.

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classified ad 232.

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classified ad assorted varieties of tampons.

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classified ad 233.

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classified ad a whole chiropractic.

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classified ad 234.

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classified ad baby picante sauce.

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classified ad 235.

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classified ad bananass.

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classified ad 236.

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classified ad bbq and pharmaceutical services.

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classified ad 237.

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classified ad best drinks in town.

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classified ad 239.

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classified ad better hearing aid device.

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Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yet another selection of those jokes you love to hate.

I wouldn’t guarantee the politically correctness of some of them, but enjoy them if you can!

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How do Welsh people cross the road?

Caerphilly!

Caerphilly

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Are dwarfs the lowest form of human life?

cartoon dwarf

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What are the rules of gay poker?

Queens are wild and straights don’t count.

cards_bicycle_poker_decK

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I had a mate who was suicidal.

He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

cartoon_train

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A little old lady takes her dead cats to a taxidermist to be stuffed.

“Would you like them mounted?” asked the taxidermist.

“Oooo no….” says the lady, “just snuggled up next to each other.”

stuffed cats

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A woman in the pharmacy sees a deal offering 5 boxes of tampons for a dollar.

She can’t believe how good the deal is and asks the manager, “Is that price correct?”

“Sure is,” says the manager, “It’s a special offer, 5 boxes for a dollar and there are no strings attached!”

tampon choc

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Did you hear about the gay carpenter?

He always left a saw behind!

carpenter_cartoon

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A psychotic rapist escaped recently from a mental institution for the criminally insane. He ran across the street to the laundromat hoping to find a change of clothes. Inside, he discovered two women, and forced them to have sex. Then he fled out the back door.

The next day the local newspaper headline read, “NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!”

cartoon crazy dude

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Irish bloke walks into a pub and says, “Drink of orange please landlord.”

The landlord asks, “Still orange?”

Irish fella replies, “Yes, I haven’t changed my mind.”

irishman bar

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Two blondes walk into a building…

Wow, you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.

Two_Blondes_by_sincity2

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What do you call a bloke with a one inch penis?

Justin.

small-penis

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After announcing he’s getting married, a Scotsman tells his pal he’ll be wearing a kilt.

‘And what’s the tartan?’ asks the mate.

‘Oh, she’ll be wearing a white dress.’ he replies.

cartoon-scotsman-with-a-kilt

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Two parrots on a perch.

One turns to the other and says, “Can you smell fish?”

two-parrots

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What qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper?

None.

You just pick it up as you go along!

road_sweeper

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Good King Wenseslas called his local pizza parlour.

“Would you like your usual, sir?”

“Oh yes,” he replied. “Deep pan: crisp and even.”

good-king-wenceslas-omar-rayyan

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A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant.

“Waiter, what’s this Chicken Tarka?”

The waiter replies, “it’s the same as Chicken Tikka, but it’s a little ‘Otter.”

cartoon-otter

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