“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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It’s pun day.
The gift that just keeps on giving.
Try out this latest selection of word play gems.
Enjoy!
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When she lost her job in a toothpaste factory
for dropping the toothpaste tubes,
the girl was completely crestfallen.
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The first meteorologists who studied fog were mistified.
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This couple went on a sea cruise to sea if they could save their marriage,
but they soon drifted apart!
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The guy always cheated at golf,
he didn’t play the fairway.
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I was telling a friend last night
that I made $1,000 by selling manure.
He said, “That’s gross.”
I said, “No, that’s net.”
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What do you get if you eat a Blackberry?
A Bluetooth.
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My sex life is unbelievable.
Whenever I tell people I have a sex life,
they don’t believe me.
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I can’t understand why my new automatic
air freshener doesn’t work even though
I’ve just put brand new batteries in it.
It just doesn’t make scents.
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If you crossed a fortune teller with a prostitute
would you get your whoroscope!
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Tom said to his friend, “I think we should feed my wife herbicide.”
The friend said, “weed killer?”
“My point exactly,” Tom replied.
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I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding
and accidentally started a pilau fight.
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When I worked in a building supplies store,
one day this guy came in shouting and swearing
about needing something to fill a big hole in his wall.
Needless to say, I showed him the door.
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17 days until I stop using aerosol deodorants.
Roll on!
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When I took my car in for a service
the guy at the shop said it would soon
need a new pair of shock absorbers.
He didn’t say when though
– the suspension’s killing me.
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As a grown man I feel awkward admitting that I still play with my train set,
so I hide it under the duvet.
No one will find it now, I’ve covered my tracks.
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I was having dinner with Mr T and he said,
“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”
I said, “How else would I talk? And I ain’t no fool.”
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I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented
me on the way I had cooked his steak.
“Well done” is rare from a medium.
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I travel the land,
Asking rides from kind strangers:
I’m a hitchhaiku.
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An old lady at the park said to me today,
“I see your dog’s fetching balls.”
I said, “I know, but, at your age,
you shouldn’t really be looking.”
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After feeling a little depressed lately,
so I decided to treat myself to the new Jay-Z endorsed back-scratcher.
Now I’ve got 99 problems but an itch ain’t one.
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