Try Braking, It Gives Your Driving A Bit Of 00mph.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s pun day.

The gift that just keeps on giving.

Try out this latest selection of word play gems.

Enjoy!

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When she lost her job in a toothpaste factory

for dropping the toothpaste tubes,

the girl was completely crestfallen.

Crest_toothpaste

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The first meteorologists who studied fog were mistified.

fog-06

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This couple went on a sea cruise to sea if they could save their marriage,

but they soon drifted apart!

cruise ship

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The guy always cheated at golf,

he didn’t play the fairway.

golf cheat cartoon

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I was telling a friend last night

that I made $1,000 by selling manure.

He said, “That’s gross.”

I said, “No, that’s net.”

manure happens

.

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What do you get if you eat a Blackberry?

A Bluetooth.

blackberry

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My sex life is unbelievable.

Whenever I tell people I have a sex life,

they don’t believe me.

sex life

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I can’t understand why my new automatic

air freshener doesn’t work even though

I’ve just put brand new batteries in it.

It just doesn’t make scents.

Automatic-Air-Freshener

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If you crossed a fortune teller with a prostitute

would you get your whoroscope!

whoroscope

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Tom said to his friend, “I think we should feed my wife herbicide.”

The friend said, “weed killer?”

“My point exactly,” Tom replied.

weedkiller

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I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding

and accidentally started a pilau fight.

pilau rice

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When I worked in a building supplies store,

one day this guy came in shouting and swearing

about needing something to fill a big hole in his wall.

Needless to say, I showed him the door.

new door

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17 days until I stop using aerosol deodorants.

Roll on!

roll on deodorant

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When I took my car in for a service

the guy at the shop said it would soon

need a new pair of shock absorbers.

He didn’t say when though

– the suspension’s killing me.

shock absorbers

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As a grown man I feel awkward admitting that I still play with my train set,

so I hide it under the duvet.

No one will find it now, I’ve covered my tracks.

train set

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I was having dinner with Mr T and he said,

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”

I said, “How else would I talk? And I ain’t no fool.”

MrT

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I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented

me on the way I had cooked his steak.

“Well done” is rare from a medium.

psychic dinners

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I travel the land,

Asking rides from kind strangers:

I’m a hitchhaiku.

haiku

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An old lady at the park said to me today,

“I see your dog’s fetching balls.”

I said, “I know, but, at your age,

you shouldn’t really be looking.”

dog fetching ball

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After feeling a little depressed lately,

so I decided to treat myself to the new Jay-Z endorsed back-scratcher.

Now I’ve got 99 problems but an itch ain’t one.

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5 thoughts on “Try Braking, It Gives Your Driving A Bit Of 00mph.

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