Raw toast is an ideal bread substitute.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Word play day, or more puns if you like that description better.

Endure or enjoy, preferably the latter!




“Let’s order some Chinese.”

“To do what?”

Chinese army



I remember in 1995 when I went to an Oasis gig with my sister and my brother.

When the band came on stage I shouted, “Go Oasis.”

I never saw my sister after that.




If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?




I went into the hardware store and said,

“These shelves you sold me are useless. I couldn’t even…”

The cashier said, “Put ’em up?”

I said, “Okay, you wanna fight about it? Come on then!”




I was taking some notes the other day,

when I was arrested and escorted from the bank.




I’ve just started a new job at the local slaughterhouse, stunning cows.

…And some of the sheep are pretty good looking too.




Did you hear about the neo Nazi builder?

He liked to drill with the bosch.

bosch drill



As I stood on the tube this morning I thought to myself,

“My pringles are getting crushed”




My Pokemon card collection was destroyed in a fire.

I’ve only got Ash now.




I was perfectly happy in Mississippi,

Then Mr Sippi came back early from his business trip.




I love watching videos of lakes and rivers on the internet.

I’m viewing a live stream right now.




My friend said he met a prostitute who connected a battery charger to his bits.

I said, “Woweee, how much did she charge you?”

Electric Shoc



Two pencils decided to have a race.

They drew.




My friend said he’s going to set a new standard in pubs

by opening one on the top of a mountain.

Personally, I think he’s raised the bar too high.

man on top of mountain



Tattoos are great for preserving memories,

otherwise I would have totally forgotten about those anchors.

popeye-sailor anchor tattoos




Try Braking, It Gives Your Driving A Bit Of 00mph.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


It’s pun day.

The gift that just keeps on giving.

Try out this latest selection of word play gems.




When she lost her job in a toothpaste factory

for dropping the toothpaste tubes,

the girl was completely crestfallen.




The first meteorologists who studied fog were mistified.




This couple went on a sea cruise to sea if they could save their marriage,

but they soon drifted apart!

cruise ship



The guy always cheated at golf,

he didn’t play the fairway.

golf cheat cartoon



I was telling a friend last night

that I made $1,000 by selling manure.

He said, “That’s gross.”

I said, “No, that’s net.”

manure happens



What do you get if you eat a Blackberry?

A Bluetooth.




My sex life is unbelievable.

Whenever I tell people I have a sex life,

they don’t believe me.

sex life



I can’t understand why my new automatic

air freshener doesn’t work even though

I’ve just put brand new batteries in it.

It just doesn’t make scents.




If you crossed a fortune teller with a prostitute

would you get your whoroscope!




Tom said to his friend, “I think we should feed my wife herbicide.”

The friend said, “weed killer?”

“My point exactly,” Tom replied.




I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding

and accidentally started a pilau fight.

pilau rice



When I worked in a building supplies store,

one day this guy came in shouting and swearing

about needing something to fill a big hole in his wall.

Needless to say, I showed him the door.

new door



17 days until I stop using aerosol deodorants.

Roll on!

roll on deodorant



When I took my car in for a service

the guy at the shop said it would soon

need a new pair of shock absorbers.

He didn’t say when though

– the suspension’s killing me.

shock absorbers



As a grown man I feel awkward admitting that I still play with my train set,

so I hide it under the duvet.

No one will find it now, I’ve covered my tracks.

train set



I was having dinner with Mr T and he said,

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”

I said, “How else would I talk? And I ain’t no fool.”




I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented

me on the way I had cooked his steak.

“Well done” is rare from a medium.

psychic dinners



I travel the land,

Asking rides from kind strangers:

I’m a hitchhaiku.




An old lady at the park said to me today,

“I see your dog’s fetching balls.”

I said, “I know, but, at your age,

you shouldn’t really be looking.”

dog fetching ball



After feeling a little depressed lately,

so I decided to treat myself to the new Jay-Z endorsed back-scratcher.

Now I’ve got 99 problems but an itch ain’t one.





Another Twenty Questions For Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


You may discover the true meaning of life in today’s post (naw, okay, you probably won’t). Nevertheless here is a selection of questions that needed asking but that no one ever asks – until now, that is.




Why do people say ‘the sky is the limit’ when there are footprints on the moon?


If a lawyer says to the judge “I’m Lying”, is he telling the truth?


Why do we call it ‘after dark’ when it’s really ‘after light’?


Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced ‘onety-one’?


What if the Hokey Pokey REALLY IS what it’s all about?


Why is there only 12 hours on a clock?


If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?


How long is a piece of string?


Can animals commit suicide?


Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don’t lay eggs!


Did London Bridge ever fall down?


Is it possible to be allergic to water?


Why do super-heroes wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?


Why are women and men’s shoe sizes different?


What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?


How do you make seven even?


Why do they call it a ‘Television Set’ when there’s only one?


How fast do you need to cook for it to be considered ‘Fast Food’?


Where does the ‘o’ come from when we abbreviate the word ‘number’?


Why do they imply the ‘birds and the bees’ get up to something together?





More Moron Madness For Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Crikey! Not only has another Monday arrived with us but now we’re into September, summer is winding down and Autumn beginning. Personally I prefer the Spring time when everything is coming back to life rather than shutting down, but we have to take what we get.

Hope another selection from the quiz show answers archive helps your mood for the beginning of another week.




Q: Name a seafood that comes in a can, besides tuna   

A: Albacore

A: Chicken of the Sea   



Q: Name something worn only by children         

A: Clothes        



Q: The birthday that men dread the most           

A: Their wife’s  



Q: An activity that is both healthy and fun          

A: Sex



Q: Name a kind of bank that doesn’t deal with money    

A: Sperm         



Q: An attraction you see in every parade           

A: Merry-go-round         



Q: Name something you put in empty coffee cans         

A: Spaghetti



Q: Name a reason you might stay inside on a beautiful day        

A: It’s raining    



Q: Name a children’s story about an animal       

A: David and Goliath     



Q: Name a famous woman you wouldn’t want to see wearing a thong     

A: Sally the hippo         



Q: Name something you hear at a New Year’s Eve party 

A: Gunfire

A: A parade



Q: Name a farm animal that people have as a pet          

A: Turkey         



Q: Name something you rent for one day          

A: A stripper     



Q: An occupation where someone wears a robe at work 

A: Prostitute



Q: Name something you associate with the Dallas Cowboys      

A: Cowboy hats



Q: The most lovable breed of dog        

A: Kitten          



Q: Name something associated with Cuba         

A: It’s in South America



Q: Name a character from the movie Aladdin     

A: Jihad



Q: Name a Jewish person that had a great impact on society     

A: Mussolini     



Q: Name a movie with the word “King” in it         

A: King Dracula



Q: Name a measurement of time           

A: Watch



Q: One thing people do to imitate a dog when playing charades 

A: Lift their leg  



Q: An appliance you should definitely keep your fingers out of  

A: Dishwasher  



Q: Name something you think that all drivers, except you, should get a ticket for doing   

A: Driving on the median           



Q: An animal that starts with the letter A 

A: Arachnophobia



Q: Somewhere a man might go after he gets divorced   

A: Go buy a car



Q: Name something celebrities might be embarrassed to endorse on a commercial         

A: Name a douche        



Q: An occupation whose members must get tired of smiling       

A: Game show host      



Q: An Olympic sport starting with ‘S’     

A: Skydiving     



Q: Name something that might be a pizza topping in a horror movie       

A: Feces