I’m Sure I’ve Already Posted My Joke About Deja Vu!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Pun Day again.

Does seem a bit déjà vu right enough.

Your chance to giggle or groan, or perhaps a bit of both, as you read the latest word play offerings that we call puns.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Disposable beds are unreliable.

Disposable beds

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My new band is called ‘DEAF’…

We’ve just been signed.

sign language alphabet

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How subtle is the ‘b’ in subtle?

subtle

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I’ve just fixed the work radio that

had been broken for months,

my colleagues were ecstatic.

You should have heard the reception I got.

radio

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I’ve written a book on how to chop onions.

Read it and weep.

how to chop onions

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What sections of swimming pools do I prefer?

Hmm… Depends.

swimming pools deep end

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I’m contemplating inventing a plane with no wings

then selling it to British Airways.

I know what you’re thinking;

it’ll never take off.

airplane_no_wings

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What do you call dyslexic owls?

Slow!

dyslexic owl

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Remember the shock a few years ago,

when we discovered…

Tiger was really a Cheetah.

Tiger a Cheetah

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I recently completed a PhD in Scottish poetry.

You could say I have third degree Burns.

Rabbie Burns

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I used to live on the 13th floor but

have just moved up to the 14th floor

But that’s another storey. 

13th floor button

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A policeman stopped me as I walked out

of an electrical goods store today.

He said, “Before I perform a search,

do you have anything sharp in your pockets?”

I said, “No, just Sony and Panasonic.”

sharp logo

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I love playing chess at the park with old men.

The hard part is finding 32 of them. 

playing chess at the park with old men

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Since I was a 14 year old lad,

I’ve dated girls in alphabetical order,

starting from A, in an attempt to one day make it to Z.

My newest girlfriend, Yvonne, is convinced I’ll go back to my X.

x

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I was in a quiz the other day and my team,

along with another, tied for first place.

For the ‘tie-breaker’ we were asked one question,

and the first person to shout the correct

answer won it for their team.

The question was as follows.

‘In Paradise Lost, by John Milton,

what was the Capital City of Hell?’

No-one from either team knew the answer

so both teams started shouting loudly

and waving their arms in frustration

at the question being too hard.

Things got a bit heated and a fight broke out

between one team captain and the quiz master.

It was pandemonium.

pandemonium

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Twenty More Questions – But Have You Twenty More Answers?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time to test yourself with the weekly fasab quiz.

Another twenty random questions, with the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below.

But please, NO cheating!

Good luck and enjoy.

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quiz confused1

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Q.  1:  Which epic Hollywood film was the most expensive movie made during the 1960s?

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Q.  2:  Polynesia means ‘many islands’. What does Melanesia mean?

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Q.  3:  Which Beatles song title is mentioned in Don McLean’s hit song ‘American Pie’?

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Q.  4:  Which female tennis player won a record 62 Grand Slam titles?

            a) Billie Jean King

            b) Steffi Graf

            c) Martina Navratilova

            d) Margaret Smith Court

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Q.  5:  What was unusual about the Roman Senator Incitatus?

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Q.  6:  What two countries signed the so called ‘Pact of Steel’ on May 22, 1939?

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Q.  7:  Who travels from Spain to the Netherlands by steamboat in late November?

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Q.  8:  In what prison drama movie, based on a Steven King book, does Morgan Freeman play a starring role?

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Q.  9:  The scientific name for which animal is ‘Ursus arctos horribilis’?

            a) Grizzly bear

            b) Great White shark

            c) Grey wolf

            d) Killer whale

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Q. 10:  What was the name of the German engineer who invented the first rotary engine?

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Q. 11:  Formerly called ‘Tsaritsyn’ and then ‘Stalingrad’, what is it called today?

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Q. 12:  Lutz, Axel and Camel are terms associated with what sport?

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Q. 13:  What is the name for a treat with currants squashed between two thin, oblong biscuits/cookies?

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Q. 14:  Name the French cartoon skunk that is madly in love with a reluctant cat?

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Q. 15:  What is an ice hockey puck made from?

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Q. 16:  On the Voyager 1 spacecraft there is a golden record with greetings in different languages and a collection of various Earth sounds. There is also a 90 minute recording of music from many cultures. Which two composers appear the most on this record?

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Q. 17:  The name of which popular US band from the 1970s is an aboriginal expression used to describe an extremely cold evening?

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Q. 18:  Which four of the following seven Grand Slam winners were leftys? 

            a) Rod Laver

            b) Jimmy Connors

            c) Bjorn Borg

            d) John McEnroe

            e) Martina Navratilova

            f) Boris Becker

            g) Pancho Gonzales

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Q. 19:  What is the name for a Google search query consisting of exactly two words (actual words found in a dictionary) without quotation marks, that returns exactly one hit?

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Q. 20:  Which catchy hit song beginning with the words “Once upon a time there was a tavern” is an English version of a melancholic Russian gypsy song?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which epic Hollywood film was the most expensive movie made during the 1960s?

A.  1:  Cleopatra

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Q.  2:  Polynesia means ‘many islands’. What does Melanesia mean?

A.  2:  Black islands

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Q.  3:  Which Beatles song title is mentioned in Don McLean’s hit song ‘American Pie’?

A.  3:  Helter Skelter (“Helter Skelter in the summer swelter”)

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Q.  4:  Which female tennis player won a record 62 Grand Slam titles?

            a) Billie Jean King

            b) Steffi Graf

            c) Martina Navratilova

            d) Margaret Smith Court

A.  4:  d) Margaret Smith Court

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Q.  5:  What was unusual about the Roman Senator Incitatus?

A.  5:  Incitatus was a horse.

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Q.  6:  What two countries signed the so called ‘Pact of Steel’ on May 22, 1939?

A.  6:  Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy.

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Q.  7:  Who travels from Spain to the Netherlands by steamboat in late November?

A.  7:  Sinterklaas / Santa Claus / St. Nicholas

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Q.  8:  In what prison drama movie, based on a Steven King book, does Morgan Freeman play a starring role?

A.  8:  The Shawshank Redemption

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Q.  9:  The scientific name for which animal is ‘Ursus arctos horribilis’?

            a) Grizzly bear

            b) Great White shark

            c) Grey wolf

            d) Killer whale

A.  9:  a) Grizzly bear

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Q. 10:  What was the name of the German engineer who invented the first rotary engine?

A. 10:  Wankel (the Wankel Rotary engine)

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Q. 11:  Formerly called Tsaritsyn and then Stalingrad, what is it called today?

A. 11:  Volgograd

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Q. 12:  Lutz, Axel and Camel are terms associated with what sport?

A. 12:  Figure skating

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Q. 13:  What is the name for a treat with currants squashed between two thin, oblong biscuits/cookies?

A. 13:  Garibaldi

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Q. 14:  Name the French cartoon skunk that is madly in love with a reluctant cat?

A. 14:  Pepe le Pew

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Q. 15:  What is an ice hockey puck made from?

A. 15:  Rubber

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Q. 16:  On the Voyager 1 spacecraft there is a golden record with greetings in different languages and a collection of various Earth sounds. There is also a 90 minute recording of music from many cultures. Which two composers appear the most on this record?

A. 16:  Bach and Beethoven

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Q. 17:  The name of which popular US band from the 1970s is an aboriginal expression used to describe an extremely cold evening?

A. 17:  Three Dog Night.

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Q. 18:  Which four of the following seven Grand Slam winners were leftys? 

            a) Rod Laver

            b) Jimmy Connors

            c) Bjorn Borg

            d) John McEnroe

            e) Martina Navratilova

            f) Boris Becker

            g) Pancho Gonzales

A. 18:  a) Rod Laver

            b) Jimmy Connors

            d) John McEnroe

            e) Martina Navratilova

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Q. 19:  What is the name for a Google search query consisting of exactly two words (actual words found in a dictionary) without quotation marks, that returns exactly one hit?

A. 19:  A ‘Googlewhack’. Published googlewhacks are short-lived, since when published to a web site, the new number of hits will become at least two, one to the original hit found, and one to the publishing site.

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Q. 20:  Which catchy hit song beginning with the words “Once upon a time there was a tavern” is an English version of a melancholic Russian gypsy song?

A. 20:  Those Were The Days

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