I’m Sure I’ve Already Posted My Joke About Deja Vu!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Pun Day again.

Does seem a bit déjà vu right enough.

Your chance to giggle or groan, or perhaps a bit of both, as you read the latest word play offerings that we call puns.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Disposable beds are unreliable.

Disposable beds

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My new band is called ‘DEAF’…

We’ve just been signed.

sign language alphabet

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How subtle is the ‘b’ in subtle?

subtle

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I’ve just fixed the work radio that

had been broken for months,

my colleagues were ecstatic.

You should have heard the reception I got.

radio

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I’ve written a book on how to chop onions.

Read it and weep.

how to chop onions

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What sections of swimming pools do I prefer?

Hmm… Depends.

swimming pools deep end

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I’m contemplating inventing a plane with no wings

then selling it to British Airways.

I know what you’re thinking;

it’ll never take off.

airplane_no_wings

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What do you call dyslexic owls?

Slow!

dyslexic owl

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Remember the shock a few years ago,

when we discovered…

Tiger was really a Cheetah.

Tiger a Cheetah

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I recently completed a PhD in Scottish poetry.

You could say I have third degree Burns.

Rabbie Burns

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I used to live on the 13th floor but

have just moved up to the 14th floor

But that’s another storey. 

13th floor button

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A policeman stopped me as I walked out

of an electrical goods store today.

He said, “Before I perform a search,

do you have anything sharp in your pockets?”

I said, “No, just Sony and Panasonic.”

sharp logo

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I love playing chess at the park with old men.

The hard part is finding 32 of them. 

playing chess at the park with old men

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Since I was a 14 year old lad,

I’ve dated girls in alphabetical order,

starting from A, in an attempt to one day make it to Z.

My newest girlfriend, Yvonne, is convinced I’ll go back to my X.

x

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I was in a quiz the other day and my team,

along with another, tied for first place.

For the ‘tie-breaker’ we were asked one question,

and the first person to shout the correct

answer won it for their team.

The question was as follows.

‘In Paradise Lost, by John Milton,

what was the Capital City of Hell?’

No-one from either team knew the answer

so both teams started shouting loudly

and waving their arms in frustration

at the question being too hard.

Things got a bit heated and a fight broke out

between one team captain and the quiz master.

It was pandemonium.

pandemonium

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Dumb People – Dumb Questions, I Guess It’s As Simple As That!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another selection of stupid questions asked by stupid people about stupid things that of little or no interest to anyone but themselves.

Enjoy.

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How do I get rid of roly-poly bugs in a house?

 roly poly bug

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How do I properly react to a job offer?

job offer

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What is the difference between black pudding and white pudding?

black pudding and white pudding

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What is the difference between afternoon tea and high tea?

tea high tea

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Why do we say ” mother tongue” and not “father tongue” when everything else is linked to the father?

mother tongue

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Is it true that simulated violence make people more aggressive?

simulated violence

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Where can I buy the DERMA Underarm Whitening Kit?

paint-and-brush

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How cold is too cold for a cat?

garfield___cold_cat

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Do you ever get phantom vibrations in your pockets?

pockets

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What is the strongest way to build a spaghetti tower with gum drops?

Gumdrop2

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Why are my cucumbers dying? How do I grow amazing cucumbers?

cucumber

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At a blind person’s moment of great danger or death does his life flash between his ears?

cartoon-ears

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It’s Anagram Sunday Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s anagram Sunday again, folks.

Time for another selection of those hidden meaning word puzzles.

Enjoy.

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‘car has’ 

a crash

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‘circumstantial evidence’ 

can ruin a selected victim

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‘coins kept’ 

in pockets

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‘confessional’ 

on scale of sin

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‘dictionary’ 

indicatory

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‘fingertips’ 

finest grip

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‘fir cones’ 

conifers

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‘flamethrower’ 

oh, felt warmer

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‘George Bush’ 

he bugs Gore

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‘goodbye ‘

obey God

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‘Halley’s Comet’ 

shall yet come

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‘I run to escape’ 

a persecution

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‘ipod lover ‘

poor devil

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‘Jennifer Aniston’ 

fine in torn jeans

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‘listen’ 

silent

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