Cashiers Are Always Checking Me Out.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And now it’s time for you to check out this week’s selection of word plays.

Yes, it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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If you believe binoculars are overrated

then look no further.

binoculars

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I hate it when I run out of Staples.

So do their security guards. 

Staples

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Dying cats pink, what’s next?

A Navy Seal?

pink-cat

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I spent most of last night in jail.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t roll a double.

go-to-jail-monopoly

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I missed my bus this morning.

I really shouldn’t get so sentimental about public transport.

Public Transport - Bus

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I’ve been asked out by a number of sexy women this week.

That number is sadly zero.

zero

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A young man called directory assistance.

“Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number

for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”

“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,”

the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated, and then said,

“Well, most people call me E Z.” 

Best-Street-Name-af

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When James Bond is out of his home country

of England, is he known as +44 07?

shoe_phone

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I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets £10’

I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery.

Mosquito nets

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I told my mate that, in order to get laid,

I’d promised my girlfriend that

I’d marry her in the summer.

He said, “July?”

I said, “Of course I did.”

red-white-blue-july-1

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I once went out with a girl with

fiery red hair and a pale thin body.

I met her on Match.com

Match.com_logo

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I fell asleep whilst rafting the other day.

I just drifted off.

rafting

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My wife has rather annoyingly replaced all

the lightbulbs in the house with energy efficient ones.

I’ll never see her in the same light again.

energy efficient light bulbs

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It was my anniversary last week.

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted

oral sex or a new pair of shoes…

I went head over heels. 

head over heels

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I’ve just watched a fantastic

movie with a twist at the end…

Oliver.

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Hope You Know Your Countries And A Lot Of Other Stuff – It’s Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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As the title suggests today there are a lot of questions concerning countries.

But don’t worry, they are related to different subjects, not necessarily geography.

And there is the usual random selection to go along with them, so why not have a go?

As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but NO cheating!

Enjoy the challenge.

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quiz 2

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Q.  1:    In Venice, what is a ‘vaporetto’?

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Q.  2:    What is the difference between venom and poison?

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Q.  3:    Which country appeared in a record 23 consecutive Davis Cup finals between 1946 and 1968?

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Q.  4:  ‘Milk’, ‘Oyster’, ‘Magic’, ‘Death Cap’, ‘Hedgehog’, ‘Maitake’ and ‘Paddy Straw‘ are all examples of what?

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Q.  5:  What are the five largest countries in the world with a population density of 15 people or less per square mile? (One point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  6:  Kurgan is the bad guy in which movie?

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Q.  7:  How many rows of stars are there on an American flag?

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Q.  8:  The name of which world famous ship translated means ‘short chemise’ or ‘short undergarment’?

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Q.  9:  Which country is the largest wine producer in South America?

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Q. 10:  Campanology is very popular on festive occasions. What is campanology?

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Q. 11:  What was designed by Childe Harold Wills and was colloquially known as the “Tin Lizzie” and the “Flivver”?

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Q. 12:  ‘Trapper’, ‘Hawkeye’ and ‘Radar’ appear in which TV program?

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Q. 13:  What does the Greek root ‘adelph’ mean?

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Q. 14:  What was the name of the 1783 treaty that formally ended the American Revolutionary War?

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Q. 15:  The answer to this one is just three letters and they mean a river of southern Italy, an Indo-Chinese language and the initials of a very popular and long running American police procedural legal drama television series, What are the three letters?

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Q. 16:  How many normal size wine bottles would you have in a Methuselah?

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Q. 17:  What would the waiter bring to your table if you ordered ‘priest choker’ in an Italian restaurant?

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Q. 18:  Which accurate sport term is also the name of Bill Sikes’ vicious dog in the novel ‘Oliver Twist’?

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Q. 19:  What number do the Roman numerals ‘XL’ represent?

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Q. 20:  And finally, spell that atrocious and precocious word from the movie ‘Mary Poppins’.

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:    In Venice, what is a ‘vaporetto’?

A.  1:    A ‘vaporetto’ is a Venetian Waterbus

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Q.  2:    What is the difference between venom and poison?

A.  2:    Venom is injected, poison is ingested or inhaled.

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Q.  3:    Which country appeared in a record 23 consecutive Davis Cup finals between 1946 and 1968?

A.  3:  Australia

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Q.  4:  ‘Milk’, ‘Oyster’, ‘Magic’, ‘Death Cap’, ‘Hedgehog’, ‘Maitake’ and ‘Paddy Straw’ are all examples of what?

A.  4:  Mushrooms

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Q.  5:  What are the five largest countries in the world with a population density of 15 people or less per square mile?  (One point for each correct answer.)

A.  5:  Mongolia (4 people per sq. mile), Canada (8), Australia (8), Libya (9) and Kazakhstan (15)

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Q.  6:  Kurgan is the bad guy in which movie?

A.  6:  Highlander

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Q.  7:  How many rows of stars are there on an American flag?

A.  7:  9

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Q.  8:  The name of which world famous ship translated means ‘short chemise’ or ‘short undergarment’?

A.  8:  Cutty Sark

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Q.  9:  Which country is the largest wine producer in South America?

A.  9:  Argentina

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Q. 10:  Campanology is very popular on festive occasions. What is campanology?

A. 10:  Bell ringing.

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Q. 11:  What was designed by Childe Harold Wills and was colloquially known as the “Tin Lizzie” and the “Flivver”?

A. 11:  The Ford Model-T automobile

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Q. 12:  ‘Trapper’, ‘Hawkeye’ and ‘Radar’ appear in which TV program?

A. 12:  M*A*S*H

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Q. 13:  What does the Greek root ‘adelph’ mean?

A. 13:  Brother (as in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love)

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Q. 14:  What was the name of the 1783 treaty that formally ended the American Revolutionary War?

A. 14:  The Treaty of Paris

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Q. 15:  The answer to this one is just three letters and they mean a river of southern Italy, an Indo-Chinese language and the initials of a very popular and long running American police procedural legal drama television series, What are the three letters?

A. 15:  LAO (Law and Order)

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Q. 16:  How many normal size wine bottles would you have in a Methuselah?

A. 16:  8

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Q. 17:  What would the waiter bring to your table if you ordered ‘priest choker’ in an Italian restaurant?

A. 17:  Pasta (Strozzapreti pasta, means ‘priest choker’)

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Q. 18:  Which accurate sport term is also the name of Bill Sikes’ vicious dog in the novel ‘Oliver Twist’?

A. 18:  Bulls Eye

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Q. 19:  What number do the Roman numerals ‘XL’ represent?

A. 19:  40

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Q. 20:  And finally, spell that atrocious and precocious word from the movie ‘Mary Poppins’.

A. 20:  SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS

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