Cashiers Are Always Checking Me Out.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

And now it’s time for you to check out this week’s selection of word plays.

Yes, it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

.

.

If you believe binoculars are overrated

then look no further.

.

.

I hate it when I run out of Staples.

So do their security guards. 

.

.

Dying cats pink, what’s next?

A Navy Seal?

.

.

I spent most of last night in jail.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t roll a double.

.

.

I missed my bus this morning.

I really shouldn’t get so sentimental about public transport.

.

.

I’ve been asked out by a number of sexy women this week.

That number is sadly zero.

.

.

A young man called directory assistance.

“Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number

for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”

“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,”

the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated, and then said,

“Well, most people call me E Z.” 

.

.

When James Bond is out of his home country

of England, is he known as +44 07?

.

.

I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets £10’

I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery.

.

.

I told my mate that, in order to get laid,

I’d promised my girlfriend that

I’d marry her in the summer.

He said, “July?”

I said, “Of course I did.”

.

.

I once went out with a girl with

fiery red hair and a pale thin body.

I met her on Match.com

.

.

I fell asleep whilst rafting the other day.

I just drifted off.

.

.

My wife has rather annoyingly replaced all

the lightbulbs in the house with energy efficient ones.

I’ll never see her in the same light again.

.

.

It was my anniversary last week.

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted

oral sex or a new pair of shoes…

I went head over heels. 

.

.

I’ve just watched a fantastic

movie with a twist at the end…

Oliver.

.

.

=====================================

.