Cashiers Are Always Checking Me Out.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And now it’s time for you to check out this week’s selection of word plays.

Yes, it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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If you believe binoculars are overrated

then look no further.

binoculars

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I hate it when I run out of Staples.

So do their security guards. 

Staples

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Dying cats pink, what’s next?

A Navy Seal?

pink-cat

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I spent most of last night in jail.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t roll a double.

go-to-jail-monopoly

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I missed my bus this morning.

I really shouldn’t get so sentimental about public transport.

Public Transport - Bus

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I’ve been asked out by a number of sexy women this week.

That number is sadly zero.

zero

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A young man called directory assistance.

“Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number

for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”

“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,”

the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated, and then said,

“Well, most people call me E Z.” 

Best-Street-Name-af

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When James Bond is out of his home country

of England, is he known as +44 07?

shoe_phone

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I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets £10’

I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery.

Mosquito nets

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I told my mate that, in order to get laid,

I’d promised my girlfriend that

I’d marry her in the summer.

He said, “July?”

I said, “Of course I did.”

red-white-blue-july-1

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I once went out with a girl with

fiery red hair and a pale thin body.

I met her on Match.com

Match.com_logo

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I fell asleep whilst rafting the other day.

I just drifted off.

rafting

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My wife has rather annoyingly replaced all

the lightbulbs in the house with energy efficient ones.

I’ll never see her in the same light again.

energy efficient light bulbs

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It was my anniversary last week.

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted

oral sex or a new pair of shoes…

I went head over heels. 

head over heels

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I’ve just watched a fantastic

movie with a twist at the end…

Oliver.

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Did You Know? – I Bet You Didn’t.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello folks. Thanks for stopping by.

Here are today’s factoid offerings.

Hope you enjoy.

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did you know1

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You can’t breathe and swallow at the same time.

breathe and swallow at the same time

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There are more ways to shuffle a deck of cards

than there are atoms on Earth.

two-hands-shuffling-a-deck-of-cards-in-a-casino

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Africa is bigger than the United States, China, India, Spain, France,

and several other countries combined.

Africa

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Norway once knighted a penguin.

a penguin

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You can get a rough estimate of the temperature by

counting the number of times a cricket chirps in 13 seconds,

then adding 40.

cricket chirp and temperature

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It’s impossible to hum while holding your nose.

hum while holding your nose

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Quarantine comes from the French “qarante” for 40.

Whenever a ship arriving in port was suspected of being infected

it had to forego contact with the shore for a period of about 40 days.

Quarantine

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On average, astronauts are two inches taller in space.

astronauts-fingernails-hands-shuttle

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Ohio is the only U.S. state that doesn’t share

any letters with the word “mackerel.”

(I have no idea who figured that one out,

but they clearly had too much free time on their hands!)

mackerel

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Wombat poop is square.

(Ouch!!!)

Wombat Poo

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There is enough iron in your body to make a 2-inch nail.

a 2-inch nail

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The “S” in Harry S. Truman’s full name doesn’t stand for anything.

His parents couldn’t decide on a middle name for over a month,

so they settled on the letter “S” in honor of his maternal grandfather, Solomon Young,

and his paternal grandfather, Anderson Shipp Truman.

Harry S. Truman

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The girlfriend of the guy who founded Match.com

left him for a man she met on Match.com.

(So that’s why he did it!)

man who founded Match.com

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George Washington was 48 years old

when Beethoven was born.

George Washington

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The British music group ‘Simply Red’

is named because of its love for the football team,

Manchester United, who have a red home strip.

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Okay, so who tried to hum while holding their nose, come on?

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