What Watch? Ten Watch. Such Much?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You hear now and again on the media about criminal masterminds. And Hollywood is prone to making movies showing these master criminals pulling off some incredible heist or other, like the Ocean’s movie trilogy starring George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

But by and large most of the criminals out there are as dumb as they come, as was noted in previous posts, for example, “Some Of The Dumbest Getaways In History” or “Little Dumb And Large Dumber”.

What that says about the police whose capture rate for small time criminals is depressingly low is itself depressing.

Sometimes though, the criminals are so dumb that they catch themselves.

Such was the case recently in Dublin, Ireland when a blundering bomber attempted to place a bomb underneath a Volvo SUV belonging to a local businessman. I don’t know the reason for the attempted bombing and for the purposes of this post it doesn’t really matter.

What does matter is that the dunce planting the bomb under the vehicle was caught in his own explosion because….

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….wait for it….

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the bomb went off sooner than he expected since he had forgotten about the Daylight Saving Time change in Ireland last weekend and didn’t put his watch forward.

The injured criminal idiot was apparently seen stumbling from the scene “dripping in blood” and getting into a taxi on the junction of New Street and Clanbrassil Street in Dublin.

You can’t really make things like this up – and actually with morons like this on the lose you don’t have to.

One for the Darwin Awards if he has the decency to expire and remove himself from the gene pool.

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People Who Use Euphemisms Really Get On My You Know Whats!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day!

Twenty more examples of word play to make you smile or groan, or maybe even both.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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No matter how hard I try, I simply can’t figure out

what’s the opposite of ironing.

It’s depressing.

ironing

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What’s the difference between mountains and hills?

Mountains tend to get high, but hills are less inclined

mountains and hills

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After criticizing yet another outfit, my wife said she

was going to leave me due to my poor dress sense.

“Please baby” I pleaded. “I can change.”

poor dress sense

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Doctor Who started working for our road repair company today,

his first job was to fill in potholes.

“Tardis”, I told him.

Dr Who's tardis

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Pepperami..

What Sgt Pepper served in.

peperami1

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Did you hear about the guy who was so stupid

that when they gave him enough rope,

he shot himself.

stupid

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The blow hard bloke next door says his car is more powerful than mine

and that he would easily beat me in a race.

He’s all torque.

CARS 2

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I’ve been caught up in a race row.

I don’t care what he says, I won fair and square.

race

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People often tell me I have very little patience.

But that’s probably because I’m a doctor specializing in dwarfism.

Seven Dwarfs

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A friend of mine accused me of plagiarism.

I didn’t know what that meant, but I took his word.

cartoon_plagiarism_1836615

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I saw that the latest remake of the Dukes of Hazzard includes

a scene where Bo and Luke install a talking car alarm.

I’m not sure that’s going to go down well,

General Lee speaking.

General_Lee__Dukes_of_Hazzard_by_xxatwaxx

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The wife used to work on a maternity ward.

It was labor-intensive.

Pregnancy-Cartoon

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My new neighbor works in a board game factory.

His job is to take small wooden cubes and engrave them.

I don’t like him…

He’s dot a dice person.

dice

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I stopped at a hotel last night called

“The good, the bad, and the ugly.”

It was a Best Western.

best-western-logo3

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I once met a really stupid bloke on a Greek island.

He was a Cretan.

Souda Bay Crete

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At an awards dinner last night,

I just finished enjoying some middle eastern dip

when I was called up to accept my award.

It was post hummus.

10oz-classic-hummus

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A few weeks ago, 1,400 people were killed in Syria by a chemical attack.

It almost became Obama’s road to Degasmasks.

gas masks

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I can never wear my lucky golf socks again.

I got a hole in one.

sock-holes

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And since we are almost at the end of today’s post,

I have to announce that unfortunately tonight’s

Self Harmers Anonymous group

has been cancelled due to staff cuts.

william-steig-harry-take-it-from-me-you-re-doing-yourself-more-harm-than-good-new-yorker-cartoon

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An African lady called Betty came into my restaurant

and asked “Is there any chicken on the menu?”

I replied “No black Betty, it’s ham or lamb.”

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