Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

 .

 .

OHIO

• Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
• It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
• It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
• The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
• If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

. 

 .

OKLAHOMA

• It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
• It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
• People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
• Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
• Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
• It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

 .

 .

OREGON

• Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
• It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
• You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
• Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
• It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

 .

 .

PENNSYLVANIA

• It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
• Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
• A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
• In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
• You may not sing in the bathtub.
• You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

 .

 .

RHODE ISLAND

• No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
• Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
• One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
• The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
• It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
• You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

 .

 .

SOUTH CAROLINA

• It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
• Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
• It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
• It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

 .

 .

SOUTH DAKOTA

• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
• If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
• In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
• Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

 .

 .

TENNESSEE

• It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
• It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
• “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
• Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

 .
 .

TEXAS

• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
• Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
• It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
• The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
• In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

 .

 .

UTAH

• It is illegal not to drink milk.
• It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
• Birds have the right of way on all highways.
• In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
• A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
• No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
• It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

 .

 .

VERMONT

• Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
• At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
• All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

 .

 .

VIRGINIA

• Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
• It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
• A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
• Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

 .

 .

WASHINGTON

• The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
• All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
• People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
• In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
• In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
• It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
• You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

 .

 .

WEST VIRGINIA

• It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
• It is illegal to snooze on a train.
• One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
• Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

 .

 .

WISCONSIN

• Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
• At one time, margarine was illegal.
• It is illegal to kiss on a train.
• It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
• The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
• Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
• Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
• It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

 .

 .

WYOMING

• If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
• It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
• You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
• It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

 .

 .

===============================

Sometimes Being Frank Can Lead To Trouble

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

On 1st April 2001, in New York, a literary agent, named Frank, found himself dazed and patting out flames shortly after arriving at a two-alarm house fire equipped with a sandwich, a bullhorn, whiskey and a lawnchair.

The trouble started when Frank climbed on to the roof of a nearby house, perched on his lawnchair, and proceeded to lecture the startled emergency crew while enjoying his drink.

Three firemen had just finished clearing the house, locating the residents’ young golden retriever in the process, when they heard Frank’s imperious command.

“Drop the dog and open the hydrant this instant!”

They turned in surprise and in fact did drop the unfortunate yelping puppy, which fell through the burning timbers and burst into flames.

Outraged onlookers then mobbed the base of heckler Frank’s house and threw cans and shrubbery at the obstreperous critic, who batted the projectiles aside with his bullhorn while continuing to drink whiskey and issue commands, including…

“The north side is engaged!”

“Position the hose along the azalea bushes!”

“Stop picking your nose!”

Sorely provoked, the senior fireman, currently on administrative leave, picked up the dead (but still burning) dog and flung it onto the roof where Frank was barking out his commands.

The flaming animal landed in Frank’s lap, igniting his spilled whiskey and severely burning his man-part area.

Frank heaved the dog off himself, but neglected to brace his feet on the slanted roof. He and the lawnchair toppled and fell from the house, miraculously avoiding onlookers, who watched aghast while the prostrate man suffered further injuries from falling embers and his own roof-top accoutrements.

The house fire was eventually subdued, and paramedics transported the injured man and his loudspeaker to the hospital. Although he is recovering from his injuries, the prognosis is that he will never again be able to procreate with quite the same gusto, which is probably a blessing for the rest of humanity.

Neighbors have set up a Memorial Fund for the golden retriever. Apparently photographs of the man-shaped depression in the lawn are available upon request.

Sometimes being frank can lead to trouble!

 

=========================

 

 

A Story For Saint Patrick’s Day

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It’s St Patrick’s day, so maybe a story with an Irish flavour today.

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside a local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said,

“All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 euros to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.

As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 euros to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.

But still the fire fighters could not get through.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.

It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of over 65’s.

To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.

It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 euros and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked their chief,

“What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “de furst ting we’re gonna do is fix de fekkin brakes on that bloody fire truck.”

 

Have a great St Pat’s Day, and if you’re having a pint of Guinness (or unlucky enough to be having a glass of green beer instead) remember that old Irish toast,

“May you be in heaven a good half-hour before the devil even knows you’re dead!”

 

And finally, an Irish blessing,

“May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you’re going, and the insight to know when you’re going too far.”