Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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OHIO

• Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
• It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
• It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
• The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
• If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

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OKLAHOMA

• It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
• It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
• People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
• Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
• Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
• It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

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OREGON

• Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
• It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
• You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
• Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
• It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

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PENNSYLVANIA

• It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
• Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
• A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
• In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
• You may not sing in the bathtub.
• You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

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RHODE ISLAND

• No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
• Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
• One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
• The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
• It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
• You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

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SOUTH CAROLINA

• It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
• Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
• It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
• It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

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SOUTH DAKOTA

• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
• If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
• In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
• Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

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TENNESSEE

• It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
• It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
• “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
• Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

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TEXAS

• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
• Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
• It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
• The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
• In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

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UTAH

• It is illegal not to drink milk.
• It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
• Birds have the right of way on all highways.
• In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
• A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
• No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
• It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

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VERMONT

• Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
• At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
• All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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VIRGINIA

• Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
• It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
• A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
• Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

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WASHINGTON

• The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
• All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
• People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
• In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
• In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
• It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
• You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

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WEST VIRGINIA

• It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
• It is illegal to snooze on a train.
• One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
• Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

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WISCONSIN

• Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
• At one time, margarine was illegal.
• It is illegal to kiss on a train.
• It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
• The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
• Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
• Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
• It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

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WYOMING

• If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
• It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
• You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
• It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

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Significant Number Factoid Friday – Today Number Forty-Four 44

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Okay, this week’s significant number was either going to be 44 or 45, but, rightly or wrongly, the American people voted for Barack Obama and so the number is 44  –  hard luck Mitt.

So here we go, and just like President Obama we’re not sure exactly where.

Enjoy.

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44 Forty-four

 

 

 

In politics

• In the U.S. presidential election of 1944, Franklin D. Roosevelt won reelection over Republican challenger Thomas E. Dewey, becoming the only U.S. president elected to a fourth term.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

 

• A few days ago Barack Obama was elected to his second term as the 44th US President.

Barack Obama 44th President of the United States of America

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In mathematics

• 44 is a tribonacci number, a happy number, an octahedral number and a palindromic number.

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In science

• 44 is the atomic number of ruthenium

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In space

• STS-44 was the 44th Shuttle mission. It was cut short after one of its three navigational units failed.

 

 

• Messier object M44, also known as the Beehive Cluster, is a magnitude 4.0 open cluster in the constellation Cancer,

Messier object M44

  

• 44 is the Saros number of the solar eclipse series which began on April 30, 1448 BC and ended on June 7, 168 BC . The duration of Saros series 44 was 1280.1 years, and it contained 72 solar eclipses.
• The Saros number of the lunar eclipse series which began on October 1, 1363 BC and ended on March 27, 153 . The duration of Saros series 44 was 1514.5 years, and it contained 85 lunar eclipses.

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In sport

• 44 is the retired number for former baseball players Hank Aaron, Willie McCovey and Reggie Jackson; the number is sometimes considered to be a “hitter’s number”.

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• In the NFL 44 was the number of Floyd Little (Denver Broncos) and Pete Retzlaff (Philadelphia Eagles)

Floyd Little

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• In the NBA 44 was the number of Dan Issel, (Denver Nuggets); Jerry West (L.A. Lakers); Paul Westphal (Phoenix Suns); Sam Lacey (Sacramento Kings); and George Gervin (San Antonio Spurs).

Dan Issel

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• A number of football legends at Syracuse University also wore 44, most notably by Jim Brown, Ernie Davis, Floyd Little, and Rob Konrad. Although the number was officially retired in 2005, the legend of 44 remains an important part of the identity of Syracuse University.

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In WWII

1944 was arguably the most interesting year of World War II. Incidents of note included:

 

• The Fosse Ardeatine massacre in Rome when 335 Italians are killed, including 75 Jews and over 200 members of the Italian Resistance from various groups.

 

• The real “Great Escape” (as opposed to the famous movie version) when 76 Royal Air Force prisoners escape by tunnel “Harry” from Stalag Luft III. Only three made it back to the UK, and of those recaptured, fifty were executed.

 

• Exercise Tiger, or Operation Tiger, was the code name for one in a series of large-scale rehearsals for the D-Day invasion of Normandy, which took place on Slapton Sands or Slapton Beach in Devon.
• The first practice assault took place on the morning of 27 April. H-hour was set for 7:30 am, and was to be preceded by a live firing exercise to acclimatize the troops to the sights, sounds and even smells of a naval bombardment. During the landing itself, live rounds were to be fired over the heads of the incoming troops by forces on land, for the same reason. This followed an order made by General Dwight D. Eisenhower, the Supreme Allied Commander, who felt that the men must be hardened by exposure to real battle conditions.
• The British heavy cruiser HMS Hawkins was to shell the beach with live ammunition, from 6:30 to 7:00 am, giving the beachmasters half an hour to inspect the beach and declare it safe.
• However, several of the landing ships for that morning were delayed, and the officer in charge decided to delay the bombardment until 8:30am. This message was received by HMS Hawkins, but not by a number of the landing craft, with the result that troops were landing on the beach at the same time as the bombardment was taking place. This unfortunate mix-up resulted in a “friendly fire” incident with 946 American servicemen losing their lives.
• The incident was under the strictest secrecy at the time due to the impending invasion, and was only nominally reported afterward. As a result it has been a largely “forgotten” disaster of WWII.

 

• On June 6 Operation Overlord, or the D-Day landings, took place, when 155,000 Allied troops shipped from England land on the beaches of Normandy in northern France.
• It was the largest amphibious military operation in history and was the beginning of the liberation of France and the other countries in Europe invaded by Nazi Germany.

D-Day Landings

 

• Also in 1944, on July 20 there was an unsuccessful assassination attempt on the life of Adolf Hitler led by Claus von Stauffenberg.

Führerhauptquartier, Stauffenberg, Hitler

 

• At the beginning of August 1944 the Warsaw Uprising began and lasted until October 2, when it was finally ended by Nazi troops.

Warsaw Uprising Symbol

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• Also in August of that year, the Gestapo, acting on a tip off from a Dutch informer, sealed-off an area in an Amsterdam warehouse and captured Jewish diarist Anne Frank and her family.
• They were placed on the last transport train from Westerbork to Auschwitz, and on October 30, Anne Frank and sister Margot Frank are deported from Auschwitz to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp.

Anne Frank diary

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In militaria

• The .44 Remington Magnum or .44 Special are popular large-bore cartridge calibres. Originally designed for revolvers, a their introduction, they were quickly adopted for carbines and rifles as well.

44 calibre ammo

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• However many people mistakenly believe that the Smith & Wesson (S&W) .44 calibre revolver heavily featured in numerous Hollywood movies, particularly Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry is called the .44 Magnum (the most powerful handgun in the world), neither of which are true. The revolver used in those movies is actually the Smith & Wesson Model 29, a six-shot, double-action revolver chambered for the .44 Magnum cartridge. It comes in a variety of models with 3″, 4″, 5″, 6″, 6½”, 8″ and, later, 10″ barrel lengths.

 

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• StG 44
• The StG 44 (Sturmgewehr 44) is an assault rifle developed in Nazi Germany during World War II that was the first of its kind to see major deployment and is considered by many historians to be the first modern assault rifle.
• It is also known under the designations MP 43 and MP 44 (Maschinenpistole 43, Maschinenpistole 44 respectively).

Sturmgewehr StG44

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• Pzf 44 
• Panzerfaust 44 “Lanze” (or Pzf 44 in short) is an antitank weapon. Development of this weapon commenced circa 1960, with grenade and launcher developed by German company Dynamit-Nobel AG.
• The Pzf 44 entered German service during mid-sixties and in several modifications served until mid-eighties, when it was replaced by moremodern Panzerfaust 3 (Pzf 3) weapon.
• It is a .44 Magnum carbine with a synthetic stock and stainless steel fittings. In common with many Ruger carbines it uses a rotary magazine which holds 4 rounds and fits inside the stock under the breech.

 

Panzerfaust 44 “Lanze” Pzf 44

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• DL-44 
• The BlasTech Industries DL-44 heavy blaster pistol was a powerful sidearm from the time of the Galactic Civil War (yes, a little bit of sci-fi talk here). The DL-44 is described as a powerful, highly modifiable and accurate blaster pistol.

BlasTech Industries DL-44 heavy blaster pistol – tech drawing

• However, in outward design it is uncannily like the (real) German “Broomhandle” Mauser C96 pistol, used by both its German creators and the Ottoman Empire during World War I, and wound up in the hands of such notable figures as T. E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia) and Winston Churchill, and also saw service among various revolutionary movements throughout the world following the First World War.

 

“Broomhandle” Mauser C96

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• T-44
• The T-44 was a medium tank first produced towards the end of the Second World War by the Soviet Union. It was the successor to the famous T-34. Fewer than two thousand T-44s were built, but the design became the basis for the T-54/55 series of main battle tanks, the most-produced tank of all time.

Soviet T44 tank

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• TKX
• The TKX is a relatively new Japanese tank with a 120mm gun, costing approximately $7 million and weighing in at 44 tons weight.

 

Japanese Army TKX 44 ton tank

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• A-44
• Sometimes known as the ‘mystery tank’, the A-44 was developed as T-34 modernization program in 1941. 29-30 tonns, Hull front armour – up to 75 at 60 degrees, sides – 60mm, 76.2mm and 57mm cannons, 600hp enqine. Only paper project.

A-44 ‘mystery’ tank

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• XB-44
• One B-29A was handed over to Pratt & Whitney to be used as a testbed for the installation of the new Wasp Major 28-cylinder engines in the B-29. They came up with the XB-44 variant.

 

XB-44-1 variant of the B-29A

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• X-44 MANTA
• The Lockheed Martin X-44 MANTA (Multi-Axis No-Tail Aircraft) was a conceptual aircraft design that has been studied by NASA and the U.S. Air Force. It was intended to test the feasibility of full yaw, pitch and roll control without tailplanes (horizontal or vertical), attitude manipulation relying purely on 3D thrust vectoring. The aircraft design was derived from the F-22 Raptor and featured a stretched delta wing and no tail surfaces.

The Lockheed Martin X-44 MANTA    (Multi-Axis No-Tail Aircraft)

 

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• T-44A
• The T-44A “Pegasus” aircraft is a twin-engine, pressurized, fixed-wing monoplane, manufactured by Beech Aircraft Corporation, Wichita, Kansas, whose mission is to train Navy and Marine Corps pilots.

 

The T-44A “Pegasus”

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Other stuff

• Cities on the 44th parallel include, Minneapolis,  Simferopol (Ukraine), Bordeaux  (France),  Belgrade and Šabac (Serbia), Halifax (Nova Scotia, Canada), Bucharest (Romania), Pierre (South Dakota), Augusta (Maine), and Montpelier (Vermont).
• Cities on the 44th line of longitude include, São Luís (Brazil), Sana’a (Yemen), Baghdad (Iraq), Nizhny Novgorod (Russia), Hargeisa (Somalia), Arbil (Iraqi Kurdistan), Yerevan (Armenia), and Tbilisi (Georgia).
• 44 is the international direct dial code for phone calls to the United Kingdom;
• Interstate 44 is the freeway that runs from Texas to Missouri;
• U.S. Route 44, is the highway that runs from New York to Massachusetts;
• In Pennsylvania Route 44(PA 44), is the long state highway in the U.S. state of Pennsylvania
• The name of a mysterious savior of Poland was prophesied by the Polish national poet Adam Mickiewicz in his masterpiece dramatic poem Dziady (Forefathers). In scene 5 of act 3, the priest Piotr announces a “reviver of the nation” who is to bring back the lost freedom of Poland, and describes him as: “Born from a foreign mother, his blood of ancient heroes, And his name will be forty and four.”
• 44 is the name of a variant of the card game poker.
• +44 is the name of a band that includes Blink-182 vocalist/bassist Mark Hoppus and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker.
• A blues song, Forty-Four, also known as “44 Blues”
• Vicks Formula 44 is a cough suppressant
• The 44 Cent Cure is the cost of treatment of intestinal worms that affect 400 million children in various arts of the world and leads to stunted physical and mental development in both boys and girls. They also cause nausea and diarrhea and in severe cases, they kill.
• 44 is the largest number for which Wolfram Alpha offers a visual representation.
• Wyoming was the 44th state to join The United States of America.
• There are 44 candles in a box of Hanukkah candles.
• An agent in the American Television series Get Smart goes under the title of 44, usually assigned to small, enclosed, unexpected spots, to meet Maxwell Smart, agent 86.
• On January 15 1944 An earthquake hits San Juan, Argentina, killing an estimated 10,000 people in the worst natural disaster in Argentina’s history.
• In 1944 meat rationing ends in Australia.
• On March 4, 1944 in Ossining, New York, Louis Buchalter, the leader of 1930s crime syndicate Murder, Inc., was executed at Sing Sing, along with Emanuel Weiss, and Louis Capone.
• In 1944 IBM dedicates the first program-controlled calculator, the Automatic Sequence Controlled Calculator (known best as the Harvard Mark I).
• On September 14, 1944 the ‘Great Atlantic Hurricane’ makes landfall in the New York City area.
• And on October 20 an LNG explosion destroyed a square mile of Cleveland, Ohio.

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