The September Quizzes Begin Here.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Month nine of 2013 and quiz number – I don’t know how many – but here’s another one anyway.

Usual random mixture and answers to be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please, NO cheating!

Enjoy.

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Quiz 5

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Q.  1: The name of which famous band is also the Aramaic word for ‘the father, my father’?

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Q.  2:  Which popular beverage’s name is the German word for ‘to store’?

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Q.  3:  Cruciverbalists get down sometimes when they get their meaning across. What are cruciverbalists?

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Q.  4:  How many zeros are in one trillion when written out in numerical form?

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Q.  5:  In which US City was the TV police show ‘Cagney and Lacy’ set?

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Q.  6:  In which movies do each of the following play a missionary? (A point for each correct answer)

    a. Katherine Hepburn

    b. Jeremy Irons

    c. Jack Hawkins

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Q.  7:  In which fictional town did the ‘Flintstones’ live?

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Q.  8:  Which modern means of transport now usually replaces the richly adorned but antiquated and impractical ‘Sedia Gestatoria’?

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Q.  9:  Which two contributions to western tea culture were introduced by US tea merchants, one at the St. Louis world fair in 1904, the other in New York restaurants in 1908?  (A point for each)

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Q. 10:  Which sport legend was given the nickname ‘Le Crocodil’?

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Q. 11:  A plot element in a movie is often called which one of the following?

    a. Macbeth

    b. Macduff

    c. MacGuffin

    d. Macleod

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Q. 12:  Who began her show with the words ‘I was born in the Bronx in New York, in December 1941’?

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Q. 13:  In Japan, what is a ‘Gaijin’?

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Q. 14:  On a standard dart board, what is the lowest number that cannot be scored with a single dart?

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Q. 15:  Which millionaire first introduced a free school milk program in Chicago to combat rickets?

    a. Al Capone

    b. Richard W. Sears

    c. Hugh Hefner

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Q. 16:  Which vegetable has the most calories?

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Q. 17:  What was the name of Jacques Cousteau’s boat?

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Q. 18:  Which chivalrous expression is closely associated with the sinking of the HMS Birkenhead in Febuary 1852?

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Q. 19:  Who played ‘Blake Carrington’ in the TV series Dynasty and was also the voice of the ‘boss’ in Charlie’s Angels?

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Q. 20:  Still used today, what is the very popular, though sometimes frightening Anglo Saxon word meaning ‘pledge’? Three letters

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1: The name of which famous band is also the Aramaic word for ‘the father, my father’?

A.  1:  Abba

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Q.  2:  Which popular beverage’s name is the German word for ‘to store’?

A.  2:  Lager.

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Q.  3:  Cruciverbalists get down sometimes when they get their meaning across. What are cruciverbalists?

A.  3:  Creators or lovers of crossword puzzles

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Q.  4:  How many zeros are in one trillion when written out in numerical form?

A.  4:  12  (1,000,000,000,000)

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Q.  5:  In which US City was the TV police show ‘Cagney and Lacy’ set?

A.  5:  New York.

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Q.  6:  In which movies do each of the following play a missionary? (A point for each correct answer)

    a. Katherine Hepburn

    b. Jeremy Irons

    c. Jack Hawkins

A.  6:    a. Katherine Hepburn in ‘The African Queen’

            b. Jeremy Irons in ‘The Mission’

            c. Jack Hawkins in ‘Zulu’

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Q.  7:  In which fictional town did the ‘Flintstones’ live?

A.  7:  Bedrock.

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Q.  8:  Which modern means of transport now usually replaces the richly adorned but antiquated and impractical ‘Sedia Gestatoria’?

A.  8:  The ‘Popemobile(s)’

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Q.  9:  Which two contributions to western tea culture were introduced by US tea merchants, one at the St. Louis world fair in 1904, the other in New York restaurants in 1908?  (A point for each)

A.  9:  Ice tea (1904) and tea bags (1908)

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Q. 10:  Which sport legend was given the nickname ‘Le Crocodil’?

A. 10:  Rene Lacoste

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Q. 11:  A plot element in a movie is often called which one of the following?

    a. Macbeth

    b. Macduff

    c. MacGuffin

    d. Macleod

A. 11:  Answer c. it is called a MacGuffin

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Q. 12:  Who began her show with the words ‘I was born in the Bronx in New York, in December 1941’?

A. 12:  Rhoda.

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Q. 13:  In Japan, what is a ‘Gaijin’?

A. 13:  A foreigner. Gaijin means ‘outside person’.

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Q. 14:  On a standard dart board, what is the lowest number that cannot be scored with a single dart?

A. 14:  23

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Q. 15:  Which millionaire first introduced a free school milk program in Chicago to combat rickets?

    a. Al Capone

    b. Richard W. Sears

    c. Hugh Hefner

A. 15:  Answer a. Al Capone

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Q. 16:  Which vegetable has the most calories?

A. 16:  Avocado.

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Q. 17:  What was the name of Jacques Cousteau’s boat?

A. 17:  The Calypso.

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Q. 18:  Which chivalrous expression is closely associated with the sinking of the HMS Birkenhead in Febuary 1852?

A. 18:  ‘Women and children first’

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Q. 19:  Who played ‘Blake Carrington’ in the TV series Dynasty and was also the voice of the ‘boss’ in Charlie’s Angels?

A. 19:  John Forsythe

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Q. 20:  Still used today, what is the very popular, though sometimes frightening Anglo Saxon word meaning ‘pledge’? Three letters

A. 20:  Wed

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Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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OHIO

  • Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
  • It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
  • It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
  • The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
  • If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

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OKLAHOMA

  • It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
  • Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
  • It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
  • People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
  • Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
  • Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
  • It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

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OREGON

  • Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
  • It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
  • Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
  • It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
  • You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
  • Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
  • It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

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PENNSYLVANIA

  • It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
  • Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
  • A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
  • In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
  • You may not sing in the bathtub.
  • You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

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RHODE ISLAND

  • No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
  • Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
  • One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
  • The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
  • It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
  • You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

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SOUTH CAROLINA

  • It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
  • Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
  • It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
  • It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

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SOUTH DAKOTA

  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
  • If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
  • In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
  • Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

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TENNESSEE

  • It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
  • It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
  • “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
  • Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

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TEXAS

  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
  • Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
  • It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
  • In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

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UTAH

  • It is illegal not to drink milk.
  • It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
  • Birds have the right of way on all highways.
  • In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
  • A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
  • No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
  • It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

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VERMONT

  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
  • All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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VIRGINIA

  • Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
  • It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
  • A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
  • Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

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WASHINGTON

  • The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
  • All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
  • People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
  • In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
  • In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
  • It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
  • You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

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WEST VIRGINIA

  • It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
  • It is illegal to snooze on a train.
  • One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
  • Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

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WISCONSIN

  • Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
  • At one time, margarine was illegal.
  • It is illegal to kiss on a train.
  • It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
  • The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
  • Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
  • Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
  • It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

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WYOMING

  • If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
  • It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
  • You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
  • It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

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Puns For The Educated Mind

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

According to the dictionary, a pun is the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.

I like puns. Sometimes they can be quite clever and humorous. At other times they can lead to an excruciatingly bad joke, although the worse they are the funnier they seem to be. Strange thing humor. 

I have a load of examples in the archives. Here are some to give you a taste of what may be in store.

Enjoy, (I hope)…

 

 

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

 

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 

 

She was only a whiskey maker,

but he loved her still.

 

 

No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 

 

Would a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France result in

Linoleum Blownapart?

 

 

Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.

 

 

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

 

 

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

 

 

Apparently Mitt Romney donated the entirety of his inheritance from his father to the Brigham Young University. Is this guy a Moron?

 

Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns
Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns

 

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

 

 

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

 

 

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

“Keep off the Grass.”

 

 

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison

was a small medium at large.

 

 

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.

 

 

A backward poet writes inverse.

 

 

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts…

In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

 

 

When cannibals ate a missionary,

did they get a taste of religion?

 

 

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,

you’d be in Seine.

 

 

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at him and says,

“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion per passenger.”

 

 

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

 

Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”

The other says, “Are you sure?” 

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

 

atoms

 

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