Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, More Warning Signs!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It occurred to me during this short series of warning signs that the whole idea may have a fatal flaw.

Why all the fuss about printing warning signs on things for really stupid people, because the chances are that the people who need signs like these are far too stupid to know how to read them anyway?

But they have been written, and not by geniuses either, so we might as well have a look, and, of course….

Enjoy.

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Warning Bad Thinking Ahead

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“Please store in the cold

section of the refrigerator.”

On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

grapes Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator.

“Warning: knives are sharp!”

On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

 Warning - knives are sharp

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“Not for weight control.”

On a pack of Breath Savers.

 pack of Breath Savers

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“Twist top off with hands.

Throw top away.

Do not put top in mouth.”

On the label of a bottled drink.

 a bottled drink

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“Theft of this container is a crime.”

On a milk crate.

 milk crate

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“Do not use intimately.”

On a tube of deodorant.

 tube of deodorant

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“Warning: has been found to cause

cancer in laboratory mice.”

On a box of rat poison.

 box of rat poison

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“Fragile. Do not drop.”

Posted on a Boeing 757.

 new Boeing 757

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“Cannot be made non-poisonous.”

On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

 can of de-icing windshield fluid

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“Caution:

Remove infant before folding for storage.”

On a portable stroller.

 portable stroller

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“Excessive dust may be

irritating to skin and eyes.”

On a tube of agarose powder,

used to make gels.

 agarose powder

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“Look before driving.”

On the dash board of a mail truck.

truck dashboard

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Don’t Join Dangerous Cults: Practice Safe Sects! – Yes, More Puns!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What could be better than a bit of sound advice mixed with a little pun?

Appearing today probably to mixed reviews, here is another of puns, bad jokes or word plays, whatever you like to call them.

Enjoy!

(BTW, the last one is a classic!)

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Did you know that every two in one people are schizophrenic?

schizo .

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I hear that the credit crunch is even affecting fairgrounds.

My friend’s a dodgems operator and he lost his job this morning.

He’s suing for funfair dismissal.

dodgems

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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

because he only recognizes the element of surprise

chuck norris cartoon

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I got a new anorexic girlfriend.

It’s not going too well.

These days, I’m seeing less and less of her.

anorexic

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I went into the hardware store yesterday.

I went up to the counter and asked the bloke for some nails.

He said, “How long do you want them?”

I said, “I want to keep ’em.”

hammer nail

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My late mother-in-law was a clairvoyant and a contortionist.

As a result she was able to foresee her own end

contortionist

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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

beer beauty

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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

Mary Poppins said  he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

ghandi

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Could you say a gossip is someone with a sense of rumor?

gossip

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Why was the ink drop sad?

Because her dad was in the pen and she didn’t know how long the sentence would be!

ink drop

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My mate is addicted to brake fluid.

But he reckons he can stop at any time.

brake-Check

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When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

dream in color

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How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler.

HarveyJugglerCartoon

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What do you call a French man in sandals?

Phillippe Flop flip flop

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