Why Is Luke Always Warm?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I hope you are keeping warm too.

Warm enough to Luke at a few more word plays because it’s Pun Day again.

You know what’s next…

Enjoy or endure!.

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Just been to Greenwich in London.

Had a mean time.

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There’s something I don’t like

about using touch screen technology

I just can’t put my finger on it.

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I’ve just been offered

a free sky diving experience.

I’m not falling for it.

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‘It’s the quiet ones that you’ve got to watch’

Especially at mime shows.

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My new bulimia charity campaign

has been quite successful.

I’ve received a lot of feedback.

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What do you call

an Indian in a cupboard?

A hiding Sikh.

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What is a cocaine addicts

favorite type of joke?

A one liner

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Shotgun wedding:

A case of wife or death.

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A French man walks in to a chiropodists and says

“I’ve got problems with defeat”

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I’ve started dating couches,

but I’ve had no luck sofa.

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It’s hard to say what my sister does,

working for a travel agency.

She sells Seychelles overseas tours.

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I always get back on my bike when I fall off.

I’m a firm believer in recycling.

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My friend, Angus finds it funny

not to pronounce the letter ‘g’.

Bit of an asshole really.

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I had a dream last night that

our local Market had shrunk.

I woke up and thought,

“That’s a little Bazaar.”

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I just came back from a Blur concert.

I didn’t see much.

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Don’t Join Dangerous Cults: Practice Safe Sects! – Yes, More Puns!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What could be better than a bit of sound advice mixed with a little pun?

Appearing today probably to mixed reviews, here is another of puns, bad jokes or word plays, whatever you like to call them.

Enjoy!

(BTW, the last one is a classic!)

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Did you know that every two in one people are schizophrenic?

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I hear that the credit crunch is even affecting fairgrounds.

My friend’s a dodgems operator and he lost his job this morning.

He’s suing for funfair dismissal.

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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

because he only recognizes the element of surprise

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I got a new anorexic girlfriend.

It’s not going too well.

These days, I’m seeing less and less of her.

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I went into the hardware store yesterday.

I went up to the counter and asked the bloke for some nails.

He said, “How long do you want them?”

I said, “I want to keep ’em.”

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My late mother-in-law was a clairvoyant and a contortionist.

As a result she was able to foresee her own end

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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

Mary Poppins said  he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Could you say a gossip is someone with a sense of rumor?

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Why was the ink drop sad?

Because her dad was in the pen and she didn’t know how long the sentence would be!

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My mate is addicted to brake fluid.

But he reckons he can stop at any time.

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When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

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How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler.

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What do you call a French man in sandals?

Phillippe Flop

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