“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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5/3rds? That’s almost half, isn’t it?
But never mind all that, today isn’t about mathematics, it’s about puns.
Enjoy or endure!
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Recently got myself a symphony orchestra but for some reason
all they eat is lemons and strawberry shortcake.
They’re called the Bittersweet Symphony.
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My brother just got his exam results
for his Double Equine Studies.
He got a G G.
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My friend’s wife started her job on a cruise ship last week.
I asked him, “How is she getting on?”
He replied, “I’m not sure, I think they use a crane.”
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Did you hear about the two clams
who went out on a cheap date?
They were just being shellfish.
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Two geologists were staring
at a huge fissure in a cliff face
and one was overheard to say
‘It’s not my fault’.
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I once tried telling a joke about bad postmen,
the delivery was all wrong.
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When an actress saw her first strands of
gray hair she thought she’d dye.
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Paddy took two stuffed dogs he had
on to the Antiques Road Show
“Ooooh,” says the presenter.
“This is a very rare breed.”
“Do you have any idea what they’d fetch
if they were in good condition?”
“I dunno.” says Paddy.
“Sticks?”
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My doctor reckons I’m paranoid.
He didn’t say it,
but I know he’s thinking it.
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An elderly man with Alzheimer’s walks into a bar
and sees a rather tasty elderly woman.
He walks over and sits beside her and says,
“Do I come here often?”
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It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay.
I was searching for cigarette lighters
and found over 15,000 matches.
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Scientist:
“My findings are pointless when taken out of context.”
Media:
“Scientist claims ‘findings are pointless’.”
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My friend was sacked yesterday
for sexual harassment.
No one understands why,
he was always hard at work.
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My friend just told me he saw a midget climbing
over the wall of the prison on a bed sheet.
I told him he was a little con descending.
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So the young teenage girl says to her mother,
“I think I’m pregnant.”
“What?” exclaims the mother.
“But we had a talk about this.”
“I told you if a boy touches your breast you are to say ‘STOP’
and if he tries to touch you down there your are to say ‘DON’T’.”
“But Mom,” the girl replies.
“He touched them both at the same time.”
“And I shouted ‘DON’T’ ‘STOP’.”
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fasab 