Failure Is The Path Of Least Persistence.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If failure is path of least persistence, you can’t accuse me of failing to stick up for puns.

This series has already been going a lot longer than I ever imagined.

Will it ever end?

Eventually I suppose.

But not this week.

So enjoy or endure some more!

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rofl

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It’s your attitude and not your aptitude

that determines your altitude.

attitude and not your aptitude

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Last night I had a dream that a silicon chip and

a hard drive conditionally offered to bring my dinner over.

If memory serves me.

silicon chip

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It’s been decided that there will be a

new gay wing of the Government.

They’re starting with the Homo Office.

gay cartoon

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Who is the worst chicken killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth. He did murder most foul.

Macbeth

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L’Oreal camouflage paint.

Because you’re war fit.

L'Oreal because you're worth it

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My wife gave me a leaflet about

anger management last week…

I lost it.

anger management leaflet

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People hang on my every word.

Probably why I lost my job at the Samaritans.

Samaritans_logo

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Two old ladies knocked on my door,

selling the bible and brown bread,

they were the Hovis witnesses!

Hovis witnesses

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I’ve got an idea for a new interactive reality TV show.

It’s called ‘Bone Idol’.

I can’t be bothered to send it in though.

Bone Idol

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At the recent winter Olympics, as the rest of the

bobsleigh team prepared for their first run,

the brake man suddenly fell to the floor clutching his leg.

“Go on without me,” he cried.

“I’ll only slow you down.”

Bobsleigh

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Drilling for oil is boring.

canada_oildrilling

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I used to run a dating agency for chickens.

But I was struggling to make hens meet.

chickenspeed

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Did you hear about the Frenchman

who could only count to seven?

He had a huit allergy.

cartoon frenchman

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Cool, although I just barley got it…a little corny….

I can’t help it, they just keep cropping up….

me_so_corny_corn_cob_sticker

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A bulb walks into an airport without any bags

wearing nothing but a shirt, sandals, and a hat.

The check in girl looks at him and says,

“Travelling light?”

The bulb says “Yes, I am.”

light bulb

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The September Quizzes Begin Here.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Month nine of 2013 and quiz number – I don’t know how many – but here’s another one anyway.

Usual random mixture and answers to be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please, NO cheating!

Enjoy.

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Quiz 5

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Q.  1: The name of which famous band is also the Aramaic word for ‘the father, my father’?

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Q.  2:  Which popular beverage’s name is the German word for ‘to store’?

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Q.  3:  Cruciverbalists get down sometimes when they get their meaning across. What are cruciverbalists?

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Q.  4:  How many zeros are in one trillion when written out in numerical form?

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Q.  5:  In which US City was the TV police show ‘Cagney and Lacy’ set?

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Q.  6:  In which movies do each of the following play a missionary? (A point for each correct answer)

    a. Katherine Hepburn

    b. Jeremy Irons

    c. Jack Hawkins

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Q.  7:  In which fictional town did the ‘Flintstones’ live?

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Q.  8:  Which modern means of transport now usually replaces the richly adorned but antiquated and impractical ‘Sedia Gestatoria’?

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Q.  9:  Which two contributions to western tea culture were introduced by US tea merchants, one at the St. Louis world fair in 1904, the other in New York restaurants in 1908?  (A point for each)

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Q. 10:  Which sport legend was given the nickname ‘Le Crocodil’?

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Q. 11:  A plot element in a movie is often called which one of the following?

    a. Macbeth

    b. Macduff

    c. MacGuffin

    d. Macleod

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Q. 12:  Who began her show with the words ‘I was born in the Bronx in New York, in December 1941’?

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Q. 13:  In Japan, what is a ‘Gaijin’?

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Q. 14:  On a standard dart board, what is the lowest number that cannot be scored with a single dart?

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Q. 15:  Which millionaire first introduced a free school milk program in Chicago to combat rickets?

    a. Al Capone

    b. Richard W. Sears

    c. Hugh Hefner

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Q. 16:  Which vegetable has the most calories?

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Q. 17:  What was the name of Jacques Cousteau’s boat?

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Q. 18:  Which chivalrous expression is closely associated with the sinking of the HMS Birkenhead in Febuary 1852?

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Q. 19:  Who played ‘Blake Carrington’ in the TV series Dynasty and was also the voice of the ‘boss’ in Charlie’s Angels?

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Q. 20:  Still used today, what is the very popular, though sometimes frightening Anglo Saxon word meaning ‘pledge’? Three letters

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1: The name of which famous band is also the Aramaic word for ‘the father, my father’?

A.  1:  Abba

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Q.  2:  Which popular beverage’s name is the German word for ‘to store’?

A.  2:  Lager.

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Q.  3:  Cruciverbalists get down sometimes when they get their meaning across. What are cruciverbalists?

A.  3:  Creators or lovers of crossword puzzles

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Q.  4:  How many zeros are in one trillion when written out in numerical form?

A.  4:  12  (1,000,000,000,000)

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Q.  5:  In which US City was the TV police show ‘Cagney and Lacy’ set?

A.  5:  New York.

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Q.  6:  In which movies do each of the following play a missionary? (A point for each correct answer)

    a. Katherine Hepburn

    b. Jeremy Irons

    c. Jack Hawkins

A.  6:    a. Katherine Hepburn in ‘The African Queen’

            b. Jeremy Irons in ‘The Mission’

            c. Jack Hawkins in ‘Zulu’

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Q.  7:  In which fictional town did the ‘Flintstones’ live?

A.  7:  Bedrock.

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Q.  8:  Which modern means of transport now usually replaces the richly adorned but antiquated and impractical ‘Sedia Gestatoria’?

A.  8:  The ‘Popemobile(s)’

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Q.  9:  Which two contributions to western tea culture were introduced by US tea merchants, one at the St. Louis world fair in 1904, the other in New York restaurants in 1908?  (A point for each)

A.  9:  Ice tea (1904) and tea bags (1908)

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Q. 10:  Which sport legend was given the nickname ‘Le Crocodil’?

A. 10:  Rene Lacoste

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Q. 11:  A plot element in a movie is often called which one of the following?

    a. Macbeth

    b. Macduff

    c. MacGuffin

    d. Macleod

A. 11:  Answer c. it is called a MacGuffin

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Q. 12:  Who began her show with the words ‘I was born in the Bronx in New York, in December 1941’?

A. 12:  Rhoda.

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Q. 13:  In Japan, what is a ‘Gaijin’?

A. 13:  A foreigner. Gaijin means ‘outside person’.

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Q. 14:  On a standard dart board, what is the lowest number that cannot be scored with a single dart?

A. 14:  23

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Q. 15:  Which millionaire first introduced a free school milk program in Chicago to combat rickets?

    a. Al Capone

    b. Richard W. Sears

    c. Hugh Hefner

A. 15:  Answer a. Al Capone

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Q. 16:  Which vegetable has the most calories?

A. 16:  Avocado.

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Q. 17:  What was the name of Jacques Cousteau’s boat?

A. 17:  The Calypso.

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Q. 18:  Which chivalrous expression is closely associated with the sinking of the HMS Birkenhead in Febuary 1852?

A. 18:  ‘Women and children first’

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Q. 19:  Who played ‘Blake Carrington’ in the TV series Dynasty and was also the voice of the ‘boss’ in Charlie’s Angels?

A. 19:  John Forsythe

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Q. 20:  Still used today, what is the very popular, though sometimes frightening Anglo Saxon word meaning ‘pledge’? Three letters

A. 20:  Wed

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You Can Pick Any Subject And Still Be Sure Quiz Show Contestants Will Know Nothing About It

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’m not sure how many more of these quiz show answers are left in the archives, but there are enough for today’s selection.

It doesn’t seem to matter what subject the questions are about, you are still almost guaranteed that a quiz show contestant will not only know nothing about it, but will come up with the most irrelevant and absurd answers.

Enjoy.

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Q:  Who played agent 007 in the 1989 film Licence To Kill?

A:  Err…………James Bond?

licencetokill

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Q:  With whom did Britain go to war over the Falklands?

A:  Err   .          .          .

Q:  It s a South American country.

A:  Iran.

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Q:  Name a domestic animal.

A:  Leopard.

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Q:  Name a game you can play in the bath.

A:  Scuba diving.

scuba diving in the bath

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Q:  How many strings does a guitar have?

A:  Err   …Four.

Q:  It s the number of wives that Henry VIII had   .          .          .

A:  Oh! Five.

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Q: Name a prime number between 20 and 40.

A: Between 20 and 40?

Q: Yes.

A: 7. 

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Q: After his abdication, King Edward VIII of England became known as the Duke of where?

A: Duke of Earl. 

darts-duke_of_earl

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Q: Who wrote Hamlet?

A: Um, MacBeth.

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Q: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?

A: Crocodiles.

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Q: Name an animal whose eggs you probably never eat for breakfast.

A: Hamster.

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Q: What creature squirts a smelly, unpleasant fluid at its enemies?

A: A snake.

Q: No, I’ll give you a clue — it’s black and white.

A: A bee!

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Q: Which character narrates all but four of the Sherlock Holmes books?

A: The Pink Panther.

Pink_Panther_by_HypnoRukia

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Q: What is the capital of Australia? And it’s not Sydney.

A: Sydney.

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Q: We’re looking for a four-letter answer here. Shakespeare said that this by any other name would smell as sweet.

A: Soap?

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Q: The four Gospels of the New Testament are attributed to Matthew, Mark, John and who?

A: Joe.

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