To Cut A Long Story Short Use Fewer Words.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


But make sure a few of those words are puns.

Which is my way of welcoming you to another pun day.

Enjoy or endure!!




A little birdie told me my

golf skills were improving.




Someone asked me how many haircuts I’d had in my life.

I said, “off the top of my head, about 250.”




I used to file my nails, but I thought:

‘what’s the point in keeping them?’

 file cabinet



Maths problems, the only place where

someone can buy 60 watermelons

and no one wonders why.




I’m not going to make jokes from mixed metaphors

– too many other people have milked that bandwagon already.

 mixed metaphors



I was recently asked if as a young boy,

was my mother very strict with me.

I said, ‘let me get one thing straight,

my mother was never a young boy.’

 mother clipart



Whilst holidaying in Madrid with the lads,

my friend Dave suffered a heart attack in a bar,

however we were all surprised when he was

skillfully revived by a retired Doctor

who appeared out of nowhere…

… No one expects the Spanish Ex-Physician.

 Spanish Inquisition Monty Python



Met this girl in a club last night.

I said, “Do you like cocktails?”

She said, “I don’t know, tell me one.”




I said to my friend, “It’s important that no-one

mentions any film production companies.”

“How important is it?” he asked.

“Paramount,” I replied.




I met the bloke who invented crosswords today.

I can’t remember his name.

It’s P something T something R.

 crossword compiler



My agent said I should use a pen name,

so from now on I am calling myself

‘Bic Parker’.

 pen name



Thanks to Gwen Stefani,

I can now spell Bananas.





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