Have You Noticed, Winzip Files Are Becoming Rar These Days.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A little nerdy pun in the title to set the tone for today, because it’s another Pun Day.

Some more plays on words, which you will either….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I was thinking of getting a tattoo on my palm

On the other hand I might not bother.

tattoo on my palm

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I’m giving away a free gate.

Honestly, there’s no catch.

gate

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A Rastafarian just gave my friend a haircut.

He looks dreadful.

Rastafarian

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Just been thinking, Hooters should do a home delivery service.

They could call it Knockers.

Hooters

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Whenever anybody asks what I do.

I tell them I’m a Thai boxer, to make myself sound hard.

Sounds better than telling them

I pack men’s neckwear in a warehouse.

muay_thai_boxers

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I find it difficult to count in

Roman numerals until the number 159.

Then it just CLIX.

CLIX

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If you’d like to know more about bulimia,

just do a Google search and see what it throws up.

bulimia

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I used to live in a tire, but it got a puncture.

Now I just live in a flat.

flat tire

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Statistically speaking,

the word “duck” is 75% obscene.

duck

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To those men who whinge and whine

saying it’s too hard to cultivate apples,

I say, “Grow a pear.”

pear

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I want to thank my friend, who looked up

“Agglomeration” for me in the dictionary.

It means a lot.

agglomeration

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Do you think that a Clairvoyants meeting has

ever been cancelled due to unforeseen events.

Clairvoyant

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I’ve written a book about

an Apartment block for Midgets.

It’s a collection of short storeys.

Lego Apartment block

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My Korean friend died last week.

So Yung…

Korean flag

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Apparently Matt Damon believes in two things:

Sequels, and reincarnation.

Basically, he thinks he’ll be Bourne again.

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Punchy Punitive Punditry Today? – No, Just More Puny Pungent Puns!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s another selection of those groan-making jokes carefully wrapped up in the thing we call puns.

Enjoy, if you can.

 

 

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

 

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

 

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

 

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

 

If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.

 

Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.

 

Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

 

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

 

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.

 

Prison walls are never built to scale.

 

There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.

 

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

 

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

 

The poet had written better poems, but he’d also written verse.

 

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

 

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

 

What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married?

Can’t elope.

 

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

 

Did you hear about the guy who sent ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

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