I Never Question Myself. Why Should I Start Now?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Why indeed!

I certainly never question the popularity of puns.

So here is another word play day for toy to…..

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

I went to see my doctor with chronic depression.

I said, “Feeling any happier these days doc?”

doctor with chronic depression

.

.

My friend certainly knows how to make an entrance.

He just put up my new front door.

new front door

.

.

I’ve just broken all my DVDs of Japanese cartoons.

I’m my own worst anime.

anime

.

.

My dog just swallowed my phone

and got it stuck in his throat,

I’m going to ring his neck.

cartoon dog

.

.

Just for a laugh, I changed the font at our local church

but the Vicar wasn’t happy.

It took him half a day to get it back

to Times New Roman.

font

.

.

I’ve gone off them a bit now,

but there was a time when I used to really dig graves.             

grave_digging_afghan

.

.

My new girlfriend really takes my breath away.

She’s inflatable.

inflatable woman

.

.

I could hear the wife moaning about

a wobbly shelf in the kitchen.

I soon fixed that.

I turned the TV up.

tv volume control

.

.

I’m fed up with my friend Adam.

He walks round like he is God’s gift to women.

Adam

.

.

My dad was watching a news broadcast about Gaza.

He was so shocked he dropped hezbollah cornflakes.

cornflakes

.

.

My wife left because she thinks

I have an obsession with electricity.

I was like, “Watt, I’m shocked….

it hertz me when you say stuff like that.

Currently I’ve not been myself I admit,

but it would help if you had some positive input in

my life instead of being negative.

But none of that matters any more,

I’m going ohm.”            

electrical terms

.

.

I’m planning on becoming a shepherd.

It’s easy, I herd.

shepherd

.

.

My next song is about subtraction.

Take it away…      

subtraction

.

.

Leaving her living room,

a blonde finds her husband lying unconscious

at the foot of the stairs and in a panic she calls ‘911’.

“My husband’s fallen down the stairs,” she cries.

“Calm down, madam,” the operator tells her,

“do you know what caused the fall?”

“No, what?”

blonde blonde

.

.

Shop assistants are so rude these days.

I went into the DVD store and asked if they had

any about people stranded on a desert island.

The assistant told me to get lost.

.

.

=============================================

.

Oh How I Love These Puns. I Think I Have Found My Nietzsche!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yes, pun day again. For all of you who love (and hate) puns or word play.

Today we are starting off on the topical subject of employment, but there are plenty of other subjects that get the pun treatment as well.

Enjoy (even if you are pretending not to).

.

.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory,

but I got canned

I just couldn’t concentrate.

OJ concentrate

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,

but I just couldn’t hack it,

so they gave me the axe.

lumberjack

After that I tried to be a tailor,

but I just wasn’t suited for it.

The job was only so-so anyhow.

tailor

Next I tried working in a muffler factory,

but that was exhausting.

muffler

I wanted to be a barber,

but I just couldn’t cut it.

barber

I attempted to be a deli worker,

but any way I sliced it,

I couldn’t cut the mustard.

deli_clerk

My best job was being a musician,

but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy.

musician

I studied a long time to become a doctor,

but I didn’t have any patience.

cartoon-doctor

Next was a job in a shoe factory;

but it just wasn’t the right fit.

 shoemaker

.

I became a professional fisherman,

but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

cartoon-fisherman 

.

I thought about becoming a witch,

so I tried that for a spell.

cartoon-witch

 

.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,

but the work was just too draining.

pool man

 

.

After many years of trying to find steady work,

I finally got a job as a historian,

until I realized there was no future in it.

historian

 

.

My last job was working at Starbucks,

but I had to quit,

because it was always the same old grind.

 starbucks

.

If you get sick at the airport

you may have a terminal illness.

airport cartoon

 

.

Peter won’t fly on virgin airlines

he says he won’t go with anything

that doesn’t go all the way!

 Virgin Atlantic

.

You may be an American outside the bathroom,

but inside, European.

.

toilet-space-cartoon

 

.

Do you know any puns about electricity?

About watt?

short_circuit

 

.

A woman asked me for an example of a double entendre

…. so I gave her one….

double entendre

. 

============================== 

.

Okay, Enough Of The Presidential Nonsense – Time To Get Serious!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Yes, if the election didn’t make you groan, here’s your chance.

Its bad joke pun day!

Enjoy them if you can.  

 .

 .

It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.

 .

 .

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “Is the bar tender here?”

termite .

 .

An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.

 .

 .

Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents.

 .

 .

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

 .

 .

A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

donut cartoon .

 .

Communism first took off in the insect kingdom when a wary wasp joined the cagey bee.

 .

 .

In the winter my dog wears his coat,

but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

 Dog panting.

 .

Did you hear about the raisin that wined about how he couldn’t achieve grapeness.

 .

 .

Opening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking.

 .

 .

I tend to avoid funerals, I’m not really a mourning person.

 .

 .

The grammarian was never late. In fact he was always very punctual.

 .

 .

I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.

 Obama-Marx cartoon.

 .

I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

 .

 .

To many girls the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it.

 .

 .

Those who stare at the moon are optimists.

They only look at the bright side.

 .

 .

Tennis players don’t marry because Love means Nothing to them.

 .

 .

Can Napoleon return to his place of birth?

Of Corsican.

 Napoleon cartoon.

====================================