Have You Noticed, Winzip Files Are Becoming Rar These Days.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A little nerdy pun in the title to set the tone for today, because it’s another Pun Day.

Some more plays on words, which you will either….

Enjoy or endure!

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I was thinking of getting a tattoo on my palm

On the other hand I might not bother.

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I’m giving away a free gate.

Honestly, there’s no catch.

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A Rastafarian just gave my friend a haircut.

He looks dreadful.

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Just been thinking, Hooters should do a home delivery service.

They could call it Knockers.

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Whenever anybody asks what I do.

I tell them I’m a Thai boxer, to make myself sound hard.

Sounds better than telling them

I pack men’s neckwear in a warehouse.

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I find it difficult to count in

Roman numerals until the number 159.

Then it just CLIX.

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If you’d like to know more about bulimia,

just do a Google search and see what it throws up.

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I used to live in a tire, but it got a puncture.

Now I just live in a flat.

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Statistically speaking,

the word “duck” is 75% obscene.

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To those men who whinge and whine

saying it’s too hard to cultivate apples,

I say, “Grow a pear.”

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I want to thank my friend, who looked up

“Agglomeration” for me in the dictionary.

It means a lot.

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Do you think that a Clairvoyants meeting has

ever been cancelled due to unforeseen events.

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I’ve written a book about

an Apartment block for Midgets.

It’s a collection of short storeys.

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My Korean friend died last week.

So Yung…

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Apparently Matt Damon believes in two things:

Sequels, and reincarnation.

Basically, he thinks he’ll be Bourne again.

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Fabulously Fascinating Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have a selection of fabulously fascinating facts.

Grateful gentlemen readers may send a donation if they so desire.

Enjoy.

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Just twenty seconds’ worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon.

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Lemon sharks grow a new set of teeth every two weeks! They grow more than 24,000 new teeth every year!

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Los Angeles’s full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, LA

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A fully loaded supertanker travelling at normal speed takes a least twenty minutes to stop.

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John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln in a theatre and was found in a warehouse. Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and was found in a theatre.

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A cow produces 200 times more gas a day than a person. (Speak for yourself!)

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100 years from now Facebook will have the accounts of 500 million dead people.

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Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile.

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A Koala is the only animal that has finger prints.

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The average person spends two weeks of their lives waiting for a traffic light to change.

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A Blue whale’s tongue weighs more than an elephant.

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A whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.

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There are 500,000 detectable earthquakes in the world each year.

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Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a $25 fine and trial costs.

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Nearly 50% of all bank robberies take place on Friday.

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Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years.

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The Sears Tower in Chicago contains enough steel to build 50,000 automobiles.

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The population of the American colonies in 1610 was 350.

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Termites outweigh humans by almost ten to one.

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Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died.

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Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 TIMES more effective than Valium. So you have a headache? GREAT!!!

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