It’s The Day You All Look Forward To – Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well, maybe not ‘all’ of you. But some people like them.

Here are a few more.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I just learned the other day that a violin

is comprised of seventy separate pieces of wood.

It must be a fiddly job putting it all together!

violin maker

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I named my car flattery.

It gets me nowhere.

broken down car

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I got depressed when I lost my job at the Apple factory.

“Have you been taking any tablets?” asked the doctor.

“Yeah. Why do you think I got fired?”

Apple itablet

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I’ve started a band called ‘Nostalgia’.

If we don’t make it, at least people will remember us fondly.

Obracken-NostalgiaGoodTimesGoodTimes569

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My wife planted some seeds in the garden a while back

and just recently they’ve pushed through the soil.

She said to me today, “What do you think they are?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  

“But they’ve definitely grown hyacinth we last looked at them.”

hyacinth

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I hopped on a bus today.

After five minutes, the driver told me to sit down.

Hopping-off-the-Bus

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Just had to close my new restaurant down.

It was called “Mexican Tortilla”.

I just kept getting calls from language students…

Mexican Tortilla

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As I sat cleaning my rifle, my wife nagged,

“I think you love that gun more than me.”

“Are you even listening to me?” she asked.

“Yes, deer,” I replied.

man-cleaning-inside-the-barrel-of-his-unloaded-rifle-gun-clipart-by-dennis-cox-at-wackystock

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I’ll never forget my first love.

She took me outside and showed me the garden.

She then showed me the hole, at the bottom of her garden.

Full of water.

“Throw in a coin and make a wish.” She said.

So I did.

I remember her well.

wishing well

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I started a business selling life support machines

but I’m on the verge of going bust.

Ironically, I’ve got to pull the plug.

life support machines

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A psychic told me how to get more friends on Facebook,

and it worked!

What a great social medium.

Cartoon-Fortune-Teller

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I tried to do a computer course

but I couldn’t hack it

computer course

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Just got back from the ‘Free Pussy Riot’ march.

Not what I was expecting,

apparently they’re some Russian band.

'Free Pussy Riot'

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Contrary to popular belief Owls are not wise,

they’re stupid and illiterate.

It’s “Tu Whit Tu WHOM!”

cartoon-owl

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“It’s nice to be served by somebody English for a change,”

I said to the waitress in a café.

“These days most of you are foreign and don’t understand a word I say. For instance…”

“For instance, what?” said the waitress, after a long pause.

“Four instant coffees, please.”

cartoon-of-aggressive-waitress

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Did You Know – Another Fasab Fact Feast!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to another fasab fact feast.

Time to indulge in a little trivia and unusual facts that you can use to impress your friends when the moment is just right. And they will be impressed I’m sure!

So here is today’s selection.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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The new double-decker Airbus A380 airliner

holds 323,546 liters or 85,472 US gallons of fuel.

A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons!

Airbus_A380-841,_Malaysia_Airlines

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A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute.

Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!

cartoon car

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When glass breaks,

the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour.

To photograph the event,

a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!

breaking glass

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The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men

with their hands on each other’s shoulders!

Nobel Peace Prize medal

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There are 18 different animal shapes

in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!

Animal Crackers Zoo

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The Philadelphia mint produces

26 million pennies per day!

penny

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A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times

hotter than those found at the sun’s surface!

lightning

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Jim Caviezel was struck by lightening while he

was on the cross in ‘Passion of the Christ’.

Jim Caviezel in Passion Of The Christ

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A violin contains about seventy

separate pieces of wood!

violin making

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It is estimated that 4 million “junk” telephone calls,

phone solicitations by persons

or programmed machine

are made every day in the United States!

junk telephone calls

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It takes glass one million years to decompose,

which means it never wears out and can

be recycled an infinite amount of times!

glassrecycle

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Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill!

forest-fire

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Michael Myers mask in Halloween

is just a Captain Kirk mask

altered slightly and painted white.

halloween-kirk-mask-promotional

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Almost half the newspapers in the world are

published in the United States and Canada!

newspapers

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Canadians Scott Abbott and Chris Haney invented Trivial Pursuit.

They were planning on playing Scrabble

and realized that some of the pieces were missing

so they came up with the idea of making their own game;

Trivial Pursuit

Trivial-Pursuit-Master-Edition

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Need Your Brains Tested? Then You’ve Come To The Right Place. It’s Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few years ago a friend of mine who was experiencing headaches was sent for a brain scan.

Later I asked him how he got on.

“They couldn’t find anything,” he replied very relieved.

“I could have told you that and saved you a lot of money,” I told him and laughed.

He never got the joke.

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But on to today’s brain test.

Another twenty easy, hard and tricky questions for you to try.

As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but NO cheating!

Best of luck.

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quiz 06

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Q.  1:  Which rabbit was the hero of some of Beatrix Potter’s stories?

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Q.  2:  In which of the arts did Vaslav Nijinsky make his mark?

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Q.  3:  Which diminutive and very young Russian gymnast was a star of the 1972 Olympics?

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Q.  4:  Which land mammal has the highest blood pressure?  (Obvious if you think about it.)

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Q.  5:  Which ‘big man’ is credited with discovering a route through the Cumberland Pass in frontier America?

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Q.  6:  What kind of electricity can be produced by combing your hair?

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Q.  7:  The sound of screaming demons leaving Regan’s body in the movie ‘The Exorcist’ is actually a recording of what?

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Q.  8:  Yachting, which country held the Americas Cup from 1932 till 1983?

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Q.  9:  1981 saw the abolition of which means of execution in France?

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Q. 10:  Who is the only man to have won the  SAME  Grand Slam singles title in tennis on three different surfaces?

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Q. 11:  Which drink is named after those who once owned large tracks of land in the eastern part of North America?

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Q. 12:  According to Plato, what was found just beyond the Pillars of Hercules?

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Q. 13:  Which heavenly fortified dessert wine is one of, if not the oldest wine from California?

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Q. 14:  What was the name given to the first nuclear test in the USA on the 16th of July 1945?

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Q. 15:  In the movie industry, which name is given to an ordinary on set helper?

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Q. 16:  What is the S shaped sound hole in a violin called?

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Q. 17:  Which word used to describe someone who is skillful means, when translated, ‘to the right’?

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Q. 18:  Which world famous landmark is found on Mount Lee?

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Q. 19:  If you were awarded 10 points in the UK for using it but only 1 point in Poland, what would you be doing?

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Q. 20:  Which infamous cleaning term was coined by US journalist Edward Hunter in the early 1950s?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which rabbit was the hero of some of Beatrix Potter’s stories?

A.  1:  Peter Rabbit.

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Q.  2:  In which of the arts did Vaslav Nijinsky make his mark?

A.  2:  Ballet.

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Q.  3:  Which diminutive and very young Russian gymnast was a star of the 1972 Olympics?

A.  3:  Olga Korbut.

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Q.  4:  Which land mammal has the highest blood pressure?  (Obvious if you think about it.)

A.  4:  The giraffe.

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Q.  5:  Which ‘big man’ is credited with discovering a route through the Cumberland Pass in frontier America?

A.  5:  Daniel Boone.

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Q.  6:  What kind of electricity can be produced by combing your hair?

A.  6:  Static electricity.

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Q.  7:  The sound of screaming demons leaving Regan’s body in the movie ‘The Exorcist’ is actually a recording of what?

A.  7:  A pig or pigs being led to the slaughter.

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Q.  8:  Yachting, which country held the Americas Cup from 1932 till 1983?

A.  8:  The USA.

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Q.  9:  1981 saw the abolition of which means of execution in France?

A.  9:  Guillotine.

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Q. 10:  Who is the only man to have won the  SAME  Grand Slam singles title in tennis on three different surfaces?

A. 10:  Jimmy Conners won the US Open title on grass, on clay and on hard court.

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Q. 11:  Which drink is named after those who once owned large tracks of land in the eastern part of North America?

A. 11:  Bourbon. (After the house of Bourbon royal family).

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Q. 12:  According to Plato, what was found just beyond the Pillars of Hercules?

A. 12:  Atlantis.

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Q. 13:  Which heavenly fortified dessert wine is one of, if not the oldest wine from California?

A. 13:  Angelica.

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Q. 14:  What was the name given to the first nuclear test in the USA on the 16th of July 1945?

A. 14:  Trinity.

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Q. 15:  In the movie industry, which name is given to an ordinary on set helper?

A. 15:  A ‘Grip’. (You’ll see them mentioned in every movie credit.)

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Q. 16:  What is the ‘S’ shaped sound hole in a violin called?

A. 16:  It is called the ‘f-hole’.

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Q. 17:  Which word used to describe someone who is skillful means, when translated, ‘to the right’?

A. 17:  Adroit.

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Q. 18:  Which world famous landmark is found on Mount Lee?

A. 18:  The Hollywood Sign.

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Q. 19:  If you were awarded 10 points in the UK for using it but only 1 point in Poland, what would you be doing?

A. 19:  Playing Scrabble. It is the different values given to the letter ‘Z’ for obvious reasons.

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Q. 20:  Which infamous cleaning term was coined by US journalist Edward Hunter in the early 1950s?

A. 20:  Brainwashing. (During the Korean War)

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Smell My Finger! – It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I can’t believe how fast this year is going. Another Monday and half way through October. But no matter how much time we put in people don’t seem to be getting any smarter. I think this next selection of quiz show answers proves it yet again.

And it may help to explain the rather odd headline on this post too.

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Name a talk show host you watch in the daytime        

A: Louie Anderson

 

 

Q: An electric appliance designed to be handheld           

A: Blender

 

 

Q: An animal with more than four legs   

A: Dog

A: Horse

 

 

Q: Name a famous woman who seems to intimidate other men   

A: Barbara Bush

 

 

Q: Name something that can damage a home    

A: A woman

 

 

Q: Name a food that comes in instant form       

A: Asparagus   

 

 

Q: Name something you ask people to smell     

A: Your finger   

 

 

Q: Name something that runs on a track

A: Speakers     

 

 

Q: An instrument used by a doctor        

A: Violin

 

 

Q: Name something in a candy bar, besides chocolate  

A: Candy

 

 

Q: The country with the most intriguing women   

A: Africa

 

 

Q: Name a bad habit that has serious consequences     

A: Picking your nose     

 

 

Q: Name a cartoon character with big ears         

A: Kermit the Frog

 

 

Q: Name something Scotch      

A: Water

 

 

Q: Name a famous Barbara       

A: Barbara Washington

 

 

Q: Name a city that jetsetters visit         

A: Florida

A: Norway

 

 

Q: Name a woman who’s had her breasts supersized     

A: Wonder Woman

 

 

Q: An age where a person would be happy to be carded at a bar

A: 18

 

 

Q: Name something people cheat on     

A: Chicago Bears

 

 

Q: Name something you might find in a manicure set     

A: A wig

 

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