E-mail Is Post, Modern.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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E-mail is post, modern – get it?

Yes, it’s pun day again.

Enjoy!

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The poet had written better poems,

but he’d also written verse.

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Those who get too big for their britches

will be exposed in the end.

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“This must be an aerobics class!”

the blonde worked out at the gym.

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When the doctor told him he was missing 

a left ventricle and a left aorta 

the patient laughed half-heartedly.

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I’ve got some good advice for the camera shy.

Use coconuts instead.

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I like European food so I decided to Russia over there

because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu

I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished

I told the waiter, Spain good,

but there is Norway I could eat another bite

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Those who study the moon are optimists

– they look at the bright side.

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To learn rope tricks you have to be taut.

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You know, vultures can make really good comedy actors.

I really loved them in those old “Carrion” movies.

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When a skunk walked in, the judge said,

‘odor in the court’.

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How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?

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I had an accident in chemistry class yesterday

when I spilled some sodium chloride

and sulphuric acid over myself.

It was terrible.

I didn’t know how to react.

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I’ve just gone into the bedroom

and someone’s stolen my bed.

Honestly.

I’m not lying.

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My friends tell me that I’m terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the mess line.

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The phone rings, and the wife answers it.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,

“I bet you have a tight ass with no hair.”

Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV – who shall I say is calling?”

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You Know What They Used To Say In The Middle Ages, “Resistance Is Feudal”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Happily we don’t live in the middle ages, so now resistance is futile.

If you haven’t guessed already….

It’s pun day!

Enjoy.

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I’m in a band called Atom

We’ll never split.

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I’ve been drawing bar graphs, pie charts

and venn diagrams all over walls in town.

I’m a graphitti artist.

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We were going for a picnic today and my husband

asked me to get some ice and a cooler bag.

I thought, “That’s a bit harsh,

there’s nothing wrong with my current bag”.

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Can someone give me a definition of homosexuality,

in lay-men’s terms?

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On the investment front I’m worried that my shares in a

major cordial company are going to be diluted.

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Don’t trust people who avoid the sun.

They’re shady.

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Signing up to a mailing list has done nothing to

quell my addiction for German poetry.

I’m getting verse by the day.

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According to a survey,

seven out of ten people use the double negative.

I ain’t never heard such nonsense in my life.

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The horse came galloping towards me,

the sun glistening off the rider’s armour, helmet and lance,

which I realised was aimed at my head.

Man, those knight-vision goggles are really awesome!

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Running a bingo hall is more than just a job.

It’s a calling.

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Whilst on holiday near lake Geneva

I purchased a large bottle of mineral water

I struggled to carry it though,

it was an evian.

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There are two i’s in narcissist

and they absolutely hate each other.

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After a terrible Chinese meal last night, I refused to pay.

Unfortunately the chef heard what I said and pinned me up against the wall,

threatening me with a pan unless I paid up.

Talk about being stuck between a wok and a hard place.

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I saw a man with a bald patch earlier.

I thought, “He’s obviously trying to cut down, or quit being bald”.

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It appears that smoking heroin is

far better for addicts than injecting it,

needleless to say.

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A girl from Prague stopped me in town earlier and

asked where the best shop for clothes was.

I said “Check Republic.”

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What do you call a brittle Scotsman?

A Glasswegian.

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I hate it when people make jokes about Vietnam.

It Hanoi’s me.

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Jay-Z? A psychiatrist?

Must be Shrink Rap.

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We spent a fortune on electrocution lessons for our son.

Until he learned to speak properly.

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Punchy Punitive Punditry Today? – No, Just More Puny Pungent Puns!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s another selection of those groan-making jokes carefully wrapped up in the thing we call puns.

Enjoy, if you can.

 

 

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

 

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

 

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

 

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

 

If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.

 

Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.

 

Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

 

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

 

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.

 

Prison walls are never built to scale.

 

There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.

 

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

 

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

 

The poet had written better poems, but he’d also written verse.

 

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

 

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

 

What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married?

Can’t elope.

 

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

 

Did you hear about the guy who sent ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

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