Highlighter Pens Are The Future. Mark My Words!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Mark my words indeed.

It’s Pun Day again.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Know what’s odd?

About every other number.

odd numbers

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When I asked my best friend to be my best man,

he said he was “speechless”.

So I said, “You’re no good, I’ll find someone else”.

Best_man by Martin Stratton

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I always win at Twister.

Hands down.

Nintendo_Twister_26

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On reflection,

vampires aren’t that scary.

Vampire reflection

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I’ve just seen a huge Egyptian woman

sticking her ass out the window of a car.

It was a two-ton car moon.

mooned

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My neighbor Dave has drunk many

weird and wonderful things in his time.

I asked him if he’d ever drunk cologne.

“No,” he replied. “Always with friends.”

cologne

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As they say in France,

one man’s fish

is another man’s poisson.

 

poisson

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Everything is easier said than done.

Except procrastination.

procrastination

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“I’ve got two words for you”

“I can’t count”

can't count

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Upon reaching the peak of Everest with my wife,

we realized that there was only enough oxygen left

for one of us to get back down.

So I did the descent thing…

abseiling

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I recently wrote an essay on the “Communist Manifesto”.

Unfortunately I didn’t really understand the topic,

so I got no Marx.

karl marx

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Calvin Klein were supposed to

be bringing out a new fragrance…

But it was just aroma.

Calvin Klein perfume

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The Sahara Desert walks into a bar

The barman says, “Long time no sea.”

Sahara Desert

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Discovery Channel are releasing a new series about wildlife.

The first program is called “Siamese Ducks”.

It’s a double bill.

double bill

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The wife will go spare when she finds out

I’ve lost her only copy of Beethoven’s Unfinished symphony.

I’ll never hear the end of it.

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More Of Those Questions That Needed To Be Asked…

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another selection of those questions that needed to be asked, although people hardly ever do. Sadly there are no answers with them, so you can make up your own if you want to.

Enjoy.

 

 

Can a black person join the KKK?

 

When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?

 

When two men get married to each other, do they both go to the same bachelor party?

 

If a guy who was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

 

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

 

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?

 

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

 

Who was Sadie Hawkins?

 

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

 

Why do we sing ‘Rock a bye baby’ to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?

 

If parents say, ‘Never take candy from strangers’ then why do we celebrate Halloween and teach them to take candy from strangers?

 

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

 

Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?

 

What does ‘PU’ stand for (as in ‘PU, that stinks!’)?

 

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

 

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

 

Why do people never say ‘it’s only a game’ when they’re winning?

 

Do you yawn in your sleep?

 

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

 

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

 

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