“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
Another short selection of punny jokes today.
Strong language warning on one of them for those likely to be offended by such things.
Enjoy!
.
.
What banned weapon can you use to kill slugs?
A salt rifle.
.
.
If you owned a secret, underground fajita shop, would you keep it under wraps?
.
.
I dated a girl from the Phillippines, she was a contortionist.
I called her my ‘Manila folder’
.
.
I couldn’t understand why my mobile’s battery always seems to be flat.
Then I realized had it been any other shape, it wouldn’t fit in my phone.
.
.
I knew a man who killed himself with a cyanide capsule.
That was a bitter pill to swallow.
.
.
Some people think animal puns are not funny in any neigh, sheep or farm.
.
.
I hate puns about perforated things – they’re tearable.
.
.
You would think that these herbs & spices puns would have died out by now.
But no, they just keep on Cumin.
.
.
Paddy goes into a hardware store & asks to buy a sink.
“Would you like one with a plug?” says the assistant.
Paddy replies, “Don’t tell me they’ve gone electric!”
.
.
Woman goes into a butcher’s…
“I’d like an oxtail please”.
“Certainly”, replies the butcher,
“Once upon a time there was an ox…”
.
.
One day I phoned with the spiritual leader of Tibet.
He sent me a large goat with a long neck.
Turns out I phoned Dial- a- llama.
.
.
Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.
.
.
I took my wife to the doctor yesterday, he examined her and said, “I’ll be perfectly honest… I don’t like the look of her.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said, “but she’s a good cook and the kids think the world of her!”
.
.
I bought a Valentine’s Day card for everyone at our local Tourette’s Society.
It’s the thought that cunts.
.
.
“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’’
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, it’s not unusual.”
.
.
============================
.
fasab 