May The 4th Quiz Be With You.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I don’t know what it is, but I can’t resist using that “May The Force Be With You” thing on this date. Sorry, but you’ll probably see another version of it next year if we’re all still around in the blogshpere.

But to get on with today’s real business, I do have another quiz for you.

The usual random selection and also as usual you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  What word links vacations to the phonetic alphabet?

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Q.  2:  What is the collective noun for a group of owls?

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Q.  3:  ‘PL’ is the international car registration for which country?

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Q.  4:  What city is also known as the ‘City of 72 Nations’ ?

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Q.  5:  What is the highest score that can be awarded by a figure-skating judge?

            a) 2            b) 4            c) 6            d) 8            e) 10

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Q.  6:  For what operation on the brain was Antonio de Egas Moniz of Portugal awarded the Nobel prize for medicine in 1949?

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Q.  7:  Who was prime minster of China under Chairman Mao?

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Q.  8:  Which literary characters set out on a journey from the Tabard Inn, Southwark?

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Q.  9:  What is the brightest star in the night sky?

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Q. 10:  Spain has many famous ‘costas’. A point for each one of the following you can name correctly the four below and a bonus point if you get them all.

 

Costa   _  _  _  _  _  _

Costa   _  _  _  _  _

Costa   _  _  _  _  _  _

Costa   _  _  _      _  _  _

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Q. 11:  What name links the writers Kipling, Conrad and Heller?

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Q. 12:  As well as being a girl’s best friend Diamonds are a form of which chemical element?

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Q. 13:  What is the difference in paddles between canoeing and kayaking?

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Q. 14:  In which country is Liberation of Saigon Day on April 30 a public holiday?

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Q. 15:  What is created when the loop of a meander of a river is cut off and the river diverted on a different course?

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Q. 16:  The number of voting representatives in the House of Representatives was fixed by law in 1911 at what number?

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Q. 17:  What color is a Welsh poppy?

             a)  Blue            b) Yellow            c) Red            d) White

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Q. 18:  How many valves does a trumpet have?

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Q. 19:  Which is the only American state to begin with the letter ‘P’ ?

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Q. 20:  Which band were Living Next Door to Alice in 1976?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What word links vacations to the phonetic alphabet?

A.  1:  Hotel.

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Q.  2:  What is the collective noun for a group of owls?

A.  2:  A parliament.

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Q.  3:  ‘PL’ is the international car registration for which country?

A.  3:  Poland.

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Q. 4: What city is also known as the ‘City of 72 Nations’ ?

A.  4:  Tehran.

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Q.  5:  What is the highest score that can be awarded by a figure-skating judge?

            a) 2            b) 4            c) 6            d) 8            e) 10

A.  5:  The correct answer is c) 6.

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Q.  6:  For what operation on the brain was Antonio de Egas Moniz of Portugal awarded the Nobel prize for medicine in 1949?

A.  6:  Prefrontal lobotomy.

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Q.  7:  Who was prime minster of China under Chairman Mao?

A.  7:  Chou En-Lai (or Zhou Enlai).

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Q.  8:  Which literary characters set out on a journey from the Tabard Inn, Southwark?

A.  8:  The pilgrims in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales.

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Q.  9:  What is the brightest star in the night sky?

A.  9:  Sirius (The Dog Star).

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Q. 10:  Spain has many famous ‘costas’. A point for each one of the following you can name correctly the four below and a bonus point if you get them all.

Costa  _  _  _  _  _  _

Costa  _  _  _  _  _

Costa  _  _  _  _  _  _

Costa  _  _  _    _  _  _

A. 10:  The correct answers are Costa BLANCA, Costa BRAVA, Costa DORADA, and the Costa DEL SOL

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Q. 11:  What name links the writers Kipling, Conrad and Heller?

A. 11:  The answer is ‘Joseph’. Joseph Conrad, Joseph Heller and although he was much better known as Rudyard Kipling his first name was also Joseph.

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Q. 12:  As well as being a girl’s best friend Diamonds are a form of which chemical element?

A. 12:  Carbon.

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Q. 13:  What is the difference in paddles between canoeing and kayaking?

A. 13:  Canoe paddles have a single face and Kayak paddles a double face.

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Q. 14:  In which country is Liberation of Saigon Day on April 30 a public holiday?

A. 14:  Vietnam.

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Q. 15:  What is created when the loop of a meander of a river is cut off and the river diverted on a different course?

A. 15:  Oxbow Lake.

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Q. 16:  The number of voting representatives in the House of Representatives was fixed by law in 1911 at what number?

A. 16:  The number of voting representatives in the House of Representatives was fixed by law in 1911 at no more than 435, proportionally representing the population of the 50 states.

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Q. 17:  What color is a Welsh poppy?

             a)  Blue            b) Yellow            c) Red            d) White

A. 17:  The correct answer is b) Yellow.

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Q. 18:  How many valves does a trumpet have?

A. 18:  A trumpet has 3 valves.

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Q. 19:  Which is the only American state to begin with the letter ‘p’?

A. 19:  Pennsylvania.

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Q. 20:  Which band were Living Next Door to Alice in 1976?

A. 20:  Smokie.

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Tarzan Takes A Vacation

“Fight Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I used to be friends with a guy from Northern Ireland. We are going back thirty years here so quite a while ago. We’ve lost touch since as you tend to do with some if not most acquaintances.

This story is about his Dad.

As you may or may not know the weather in Ireland is awful. Cold, wet, windy, rains every day with a ‘y’ in it, or so the locals say. One traveler from Africa once remarked that it was like living under an elephant!

The result has been a continual decline in vacation resorts, towns and villages there. People still come for the golf, there is renewed interest in that with the recent success of Rory McIlroy and Darren Clark. But on the whole the locals prefer to get away for one or two weeks to a location with at least the chance of a bit of heat and sunshine.

But in the late 1970s and early 1980s, the period in which this story is set, foreign travel was a fairly new phenomenon for most ordinary people.

But my friend’s father and mother thought it would be a nice and different break for them and they booked two weeks in the south of Spain.

They arrived without incident, booked in to their hotel and that first night just had a meal in the hotel restaurant and went to bed. Traveling is always tiring.

The next day they partook of the buffet breakfast that most of the touristy hotels in Spain provide and after that went back to their room, got their towels and creams and so forth, and headed for the beach, which was only about 100 yards or so from the hotel.

My friend’s mother lay down on a towel to take some rays, as they say, and his father who wasn’t really the type of guy who liked to lay about all day, got a beach chair from which he had a better vantage point to survey the beach and sea activities.

We’ll never know whether it was the heat, or just the sight of bare heaving glistening continental bosoms, (they are not a bit bashful in some parts of Europe), but after about half an hour on the beach it all became too much for my friend’s Dad. All of sudden, without any warning whatsoever, he jumped out of his beach chair, started to yell like Tarzan, beating his chest at the same time, and ran towards the Mediterranean Sea.

There was a slight slope in the beach and by the time he had reached the water he had built up a considerable head of steam. His momentum took him quite a bit into the water, not quite waist deep but getting there.

Now, I should say that the Med is no Pacific Ocean, but there are nevertheless waves and as everyone knows the seventh is usually bigger than those preceding it.

And just when my friend’s father reached about as deep as he could on his feet he decided to dive through the next wave, which was a relatively big one. According to his wife, who was looking as this spectacle with more than a little bemusement, he was still doing his version of a Tarzan yell and beating his chest. And so into the sea he dived still yelling and open mouthed.

I forgot to tell you he wore dentures, which is rather crucial to the rest of the story.

Yes, when the wave passed and he resurfaced not a tooth of any kind had he in his mouth.

Of course he frantically searched for both sets of gnashers.

I love watching when people who don’t know how to dive underwater try it. Their ass goes way up in the air, their head maybe six inches or a foot under, and then after maybe two or three seconds they re-emerge gasping and spluttering as if they’ve just been down to the bottom of sea. I imagine that’s what he did.

But you know what the sea is like. Both sets of false teeth were long gone, never to be found again.

I have heard tell of people packing extra underwear, or shoes (hey ladies), or even glasses as emergency back-ups. But I have never heard of anyone packing an extra set of teeth.

My friend’s father wasn’t to be the first one to do it and so he had to spend the next twelve and a half days of his vacation completely toothless, only able to eat soft mushy stuff and soup, but having to avoid the juicy steaks completely.

And he looked like a prat, maybe not quite as bad as the photo below but you get the idea.

toothless

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Travel Agents Get Asked Some Funny Things

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

Only very occasionally these days do I use a travel agent. I prefer to organize things myself online. But then I am a fairly experienced traveler. For many other people, particularly the intellectually challenged it seems, the travel agent is their first and last port of call when organizing a vacation.

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents. Since I read these I’m wondering if there should be some kind of proficiency test before one is allowed out of the house let alone venture into another county or country.

That’s one for the bureaucrats to ponder over, but it probably won’t happen, after all most of them couldn’t pass it, and they all like their little trips at our expense.

As usual, I hope you enjoy.

 

What the travel agents said:

 

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

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A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.

After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

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I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.

I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.”

Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.”

Her response… click.

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A man called, furious about a Florida package we did.

I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.

He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.

I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

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I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?”

I said, “No.”

He said, “But they look so close on the map.”

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Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.

When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas.

When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”

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A nice lady just called.

She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.

I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.

Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

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A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?”

I said, “No, why do you ask?”

She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?”

After putting her on hold for a minute while “I looked into it,” ( I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

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I just got off the phone with a man who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?”

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.”

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A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes.”

I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane.

She said, “Yeah, whatever.”

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A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.

After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.

“Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”

I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa.

When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

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A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angles.

She gave me various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had her fax me the list.

To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New Orleans, Louisiana.

She thought the LA stood for Los Angles, and that New Orleans was a suburb of of L.A.

Worst of all, when I called her back, she was not even embarrassed.

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A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York.”

The agent was at a loss for words.

Finally, the agent asked, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”

“Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer.

After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.”

The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!”

The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?”

She replied, “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”

Hippopotamus, New York