Stonehenge Rocks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yeah, Stonehenge rocks!

So does Pun Day!!

As always….

Enjoy or endure!!!

.

rofl

.

Deaf people are lip reading as we speak.

lip-reading

.

.

In school, my teacher asked me if I

had any of my own maths equipment.

“I have a broken abacus,” I replied.

She said, “That doesn’t count.”

abacus

.

.

I’m a puppeteer –

I had to pull a lot of strings to get the job.

puppeteer

.

.

My friend happily announced recently that,

after 18 months of hard work and determination,

he had lost over 130 pounds of unhealthy useless fat.

He divorced her.

fattyfatbutt

.

.

Want to pull a Jewish girl?

Just show them some interest.

Jewish girl

.

.

A woman walks up to a handsome man

in a nightclub and shouts, “Fat penguin!”

“Pardon?” he says, looking bemused.

“Sorry,” she replies. “I was just trying to

think of something that would break the ice.”

cartoon Fat penguin

.

.

Being unemployed definitely has its benefits.

unemployment benefit

.

.

I always get chutney and pickle mixed up.

It makes me chuckle.

redbellpepperchutney

.

.

My mate asked if I wanted to

play electric shock monopoly.

I jumped at the chance.

monopoly

.

.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I’m OK,

but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

food coloring

.

.

My mum always said,

Never use two words when one will do.”

Why didn’t she just say,

“Avoid verbosity”?

mother talking to child

.

.

I love blondes, but I was gutted to come

home from work to find my girlfriend

had dyed her hair brunette.

It’s just not fair.

brunette

.

.

Protesters at the recent G20 conference

were holding up huge signs saying

‘Capitalism Isn’t Working’.

A friend of mine turned to me and said,

“Surely that’s wrong.

Surely ‘Capitalism Is Working’.”

Capitalism Isn't Working

.

.

My English teacher told me that it’s impossible

to take two completely different words out of context

and use them to create a coherent sentence.

Wheel sea.

English teacher

.

.

Friends of my wife and I, recently bought a farm,

and decided to invite us to a House warming party.

I asked my wife, “What shall we get them for a present?”

“How about this long length of rope with bucket attached?” she replied.

“Yes,” I agreed. “I am sure that will go down well.”

well bucket and rope

.

===============================================

.

Word Play? Bad Jokes? Whatever you call them they’re Still Pun To Me

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

A few more puns to make you laugh or groan.

Enjoy them if you can.

.

.

The cannibal was so nervous he threw up his hands

cannibal

. 

He said I was average – but he was just being mean.

average mean pun

.0 

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

hurdles

. 

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.    

noah

. 

The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner – there were strings attached.

old woman who lived in a shoe

. 

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you. 

xray

. 

We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

Camping-Cartoon

. 

The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

wizard with a magic book of incantations

. 

I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

trig cartoon

. 

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

stork carrying baby

. 

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

pay attention

. 

I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

cloning cartoon

. 

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.        

alphabet soup

. 

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.         

cartoon frog

. 

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and the other one for eating fireworks. They charged one but let the other one off.

battery firework pun

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

sleeping

.

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.          

sweeping

. 

And finally,

 

Did you know that Macy’s have a contractual obligation to hire an unemployed man every November and December to play Father Christmas? It’s known as the Santa clause.

santaclaus

 .

==================================

.