Understanding what is beyond the horizon is beyond me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But puns I do understand.

What is a little more puzzling is why I like them and why so many others do as well.

Still, we can figure out that conundrum another time.

For now it’s another Pun Day, so….

Enjoy or endure!

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I bought a cheap Jack-in-a-box

and it’s not much good.

It doesn’t surprise me.

 

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Some guy came up to me in the street today

and said “Wow, you look odd.”

I replied “Well, so do you.”

“Guess that made us even.”

 

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I’ve just come back from the corner shop.

I bought four corners.

 

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So King Abdullah died,

that should sheikh things up a bit.

 

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I’ve got a part time job for a company

making rubberized computer keyboards.

It’s flexible shifts.

 

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Someone stopped me while I was jogging

this morning to ask why I had

duct tape over my mouth.

I didn’t answer.

It’s a running gag.

 

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A friend of mine bought a second hand

deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas,

but after four weeks they hadn’t arrived.

When he asked for an update, they said

they were still dealing with his order.

 

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Did you hear about the fisherman

who was learning Spanish

He got lost at Si

 

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I’m currently reading a book about

North African invaders during

Medieval times and can’t put it down.

Its very moorish.

 

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I looked up the definition of

the word “arbitrary” today.

For no particular reason.

 

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My boss said,

“As part of our cost-saving drive we are

installing energy-efficient lights in the toilets.

They work on a motion detection system.”

I replied,

“That’s all fair and well, but what if

someone’s just going in for a pee?”

 

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A storm has ripped through

my coconut farm…

I’m desiccated.

 

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Whenever I find a pretty girl

I look for intelligence.

Because if she doesn’t have that,

then she’s mine!

 

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I always ask too many questions.

Does anybody know why this is?

 

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I text a friend the other day asking him

who his favorite composer is.

Surprisingly, he didn’t text Bach.

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More Stupid Signs By Stupid People For Stupid People.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Catering for the lowest common denominator in intelligence can be very frustrating for the rest of us.

But apparently stupidity has reached levels today where stupid people will hurt themselves with things that shouldn’t hurt them, if they had the wit to understand what they were and how use them properly.

Personally I think there is some merit in letting them get on with it and perhaps thereby gradually eliminating chronic stupidity from the gene pool.

In the meantime all we can do is cringe and laugh.

Here are some more.

Enjoy.

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“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.”

On a 6 x 10 inch inflatable picture frame.

 

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“Do not put in mouth.”

On a box of bottle rockets.

 

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“Remove plastic before eating.”

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

 

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“Not dishwasher safe.”

On a remote control for a TV.

 

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“For lifting purposes only.”

On the box for a car jack.

 

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“Do not put lit candles on phone.”

On the instructions for a cordless phone.

 

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“Warning! This is not underwear!

Do not attempt to put in pants.”

On the packaging for a wristwatch.

 

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“Safe for use around pets.”

On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

 

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“No stopping or standing.”

A sign at bus stops everywhere.

 

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“Do not sit under coconut trees.”

A sign on a coconut palm in a

West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

 

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“These rows reserved for parents with children.”

A sign in a church.

 

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“All cups leaving this store, whether

full or empty, must be paid for.”

A sign in a Cumberland Farms

in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

 

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There’s A Fine Line Between Hyphenated Words…

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There is indeed a fine line between hyphenated words – haven’t you noticed?

Yes, it’s the day to play on words, or play with words.

Whatever way you want to put it, it’s pun day!

Enjoy or endure!

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The other day I held the door open for a clown.

I thought it was a nice jester.

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I thought my Granny was going to get me a jumper for my birthday

but she just gave me a card again.

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I play for my shop fitting company’s football team.

We are great on the counter attack.

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I’ve sent a few angry letters to my Congressman.

A ‘G’ and three ‘R’s.

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I had a good morning today, I met Cameron Diaz.

And her brother, Buenos.

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I’m lying in bed listening to the Carpenters…

Who are taking way too long installing the new kitchen.

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I’ve just started a new extermination company

that specialises in felines.

I’m calling it curiosity.

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L’Oreal Saudi Arabia.

Burkas you’re worth it.

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My other half reckons I might have schizophrenia!

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I took a poll recently,

and 100% of the strippers asked

were angry they had nothing to dance on.

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“OK son, what do you understand

by the word ‘omniscient’?”

He said, “God knows…”

What a clever little boy!

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I’m writing a post about storms.

So far, it’s just a rough draft.

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Did you hear about the mexcian train killer?

He had locomotives.

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What’s the singular of ‘werewolves’?

‘I’m a wolf’.

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I was gob smacked when my Swedish friend came to

visit from the states and was now living as a woman.

He was Bjorn in the U.S.A.

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It’s The Day You All Look Forward To – Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well, maybe not ‘all’ of you. But some people like them.

Here are a few more.

Enjoy or endure!

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I just learned the other day that a violin

is comprised of seventy separate pieces of wood.

It must be a fiddly job putting it all together!

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I named my car flattery.

It gets me nowhere.

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I got depressed when I lost my job at the Apple factory.

“Have you been taking any tablets?” asked the doctor.

“Yeah. Why do you think I got fired?”

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I’ve started a band called ‘Nostalgia’.

If we don’t make it, at least people will remember us fondly.

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My wife planted some seeds in the garden a while back

and just recently they’ve pushed through the soil.

She said to me today, “What do you think they are?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  

“But they’ve definitely grown hyacinth we last looked at them.”

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I hopped on a bus today.

After five minutes, the driver told me to sit down.

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Just had to close my new restaurant down.

It was called “Mexican Tortilla”.

I just kept getting calls from language students…

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As I sat cleaning my rifle, my wife nagged,

“I think you love that gun more than me.”

“Are you even listening to me?” she asked.

“Yes, deer,” I replied.

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I’ll never forget my first love.

She took me outside and showed me the garden.

She then showed me the hole, at the bottom of her garden.

Full of water.

“Throw in a coin and make a wish.” She said.

So I did.

I remember her well.

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I started a business selling life support machines

but I’m on the verge of going bust.

Ironically, I’ve got to pull the plug.

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A psychic told me how to get more friends on Facebook,

and it worked!

What a great social medium.

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I tried to do a computer course

but I couldn’t hack it

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Just got back from the ‘Free Pussy Riot’ march.

Not what I was expecting,

apparently they’re some Russian band.

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Contrary to popular belief Owls are not wise,

they’re stupid and illiterate.

It’s “Tu Whit Tu WHOM!”

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“It’s nice to be served by somebody English for a change,”

I said to the waitress in a café.

“These days most of you are foreign and don’t understand a word I say. For instance…”

“For instance, what?” said the waitress, after a long pause.

“Four instant coffees, please.”

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