Don’t Take My Word For It, Let These Guys Tell You Themselves

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The elections are over, much to the relief of many of us, but unfortunately the politicians are still there. I have frequently criticized these idiots for making a monumental mess of things and for squandering billions of dollars on the most insanely stupid debacles and catastrophes. And I will probably do so again. 

However, it is always a good idea or policy to be able to back up what you say with some facts, so rather than run to my own defense which is usually what happens, this time I am going to let some of the politicians prove beyond any and all reasonable doubt that my opinion of them is well justified.

So here we have a selection of quotations from some fairly famous politicians in which they condemn themselves to the dustbin of stupidity.

Enjoy.  

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Bill Clinton, 42nd President of the United States:

“Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.”

Bill Clinton 

This from a congressional candidate in Texas:

“That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California Governor talking about his views on the economy:

“The public doesn’t care about figures.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger speaking as governor 

Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons:

“I do not like this word ‘bomb.’ It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.”

Jacques LeBlanc 

Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor’s breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas:

“I didn’t know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.”

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California Senator Barbara Boxer:

“Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I’m still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.”

Barbara Boxer 

Ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia, Frank Rizzo:

“The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who make them unsafe.”

Frank Rizzo 

Congressman Everett Dirksen:

“A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money.”

Everett Dirksen 

Former U.S. President, Richard Nixon:

“Solutions are not the answer.”

Richard M Nixon 

H. Ross Perot, major Texas businessman and former presidential candidate:

“This planet is our home. If we destroy the planet, we’ve destroyed our home, so it is fundamentally important.”

 Ross Perot making a point

Arizona Governor Wesley Bolin:

“We’d like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles.”

Wesley Bolin 

George Wallace 1968 presidential campaign:

“I’ve read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents.”

George Wallace 

Dwight Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States:

“The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.”

Dwight D Eisenhower 

Fred Heineman, former Republican representative from North Carolina:

“When I see someone who is making anywhere from $300,000 to $750,000 a year, that’s middle class.”

Fred Heineman 

Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien:

“A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It’s a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it’s because it is proven.”

Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien

Imelda Marcos, former First Lady and a political figure in the Philippines:

“I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it’s so petty.”

Imelda Marcos 

Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate:

“The internet is a great way to get on the net.”

Bob Dole 

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Al Gore, former U.S. vice president:

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”

Al Gore 

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Former California Governor Gray Davis, during the recall campaign:

“My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth.”

Former California Governor Gray Davis 

Charles De Gaulle, former French President:

“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”

Charles De Gaulle 

President Clinton, denying that he had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey:

“I would never approach a small-breasted woman.”

Monica Lewinsky 

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We’ll Call Today ‘Sneaky Sunday’

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Why is today Sneaky Sunday?

Because this Sunday there is a test for you. They’re no good unless they sneak up on you by surprise. This way there’s no time get a sick note or prepare another excuse.

Some of the questions are easy, some of them are hard, some of them are tricky, and some are a combination of one or more of the above.

So sharpen your pencils and whatever else you need to do and begin when you are ready.

(As usual the answers are waaaaaaaay down below, but no cheating!)

Enjoy!

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Q 1: Launched on February 1, 1958 what was the name of the first American satellite in orbit?

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Q 2: Most people know what a bibliophile is, but what is a bibliopole?

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Q 3: Train ‘A’ leaves from New York City heading toward Los Angeles at 100 mph. Three hours later, train ‘B’ leaves from Los Angeles heading toward New York City at 200 mph. Assume there is exactly 2,000 miles between Los Angeles and New York City. When they meet, which train is closer to New York City?

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Q 4: There is the only royal palace in the United States of America – where is it?

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Q 5: What sort of paper are US dollar bills made out of?

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Q 6: What does the ZIP in “ZIP code” mean?

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Q 7: Nowadays they go for tens of millions of dollars each, but how many paintings did Vincent Van Gogh sell during his entire life?

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Q 8: A certain five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it. What is the word?

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Q 9: What is the only planet in our solar system that rotates clockwise?

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Q 10: What is a rhinoceros horn made of?

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Q 11: Name an English word that ends in “mt”

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Q 12: What was the first novel ever written on a typewriter?

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Q 13: If an electric train is traveling northwest at 95 miles per hour, and the wind is blowing southwest at 95 miles per hour, in which direction does the smoke blow?

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Q 14: Who was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital?

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Q 15: How long would you have to hold your breath before you kill yourself?

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Q 16: What are the six official languages of the U.N.?

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Q 17: “Big Ben” in London, England is what?

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Q 18: There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long. What are they? (And you know them all)

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Q 19: Who is Robert Zimmerman?

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Q 20: While on my way to St. Ives,  I met a man with seven wives.  Each wife had seven sacks;  Each sack had seven cats;  Each cat had seven kittens.  Kittens, cats, sacks, wives;  How many were going to St. Ives?

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ANSWERS

Q 1: Launched on February 1, 1958 what was the name of the first American satellite in orbit?

Explorer

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Q 2: Most people know what a bibliophile is, but what is a bibliopole?

A bibliophile is a collector of rare books, and a bibliopole is a seller of rare books.

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Q 3: Train ‘A’ leaves from New York City heading toward Los Angeles at 100 mph. Three hours later, train ‘B’ leaves from Los Angeles heading toward New York City at 200 mph. Assume there is exactly 2,000 miles between Los Angeles and New York City. When they meet, which train is closer to New York City?

Two answers are allowed to this one, either

When they meet, they’re both exactly the same distance from New York City.

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if you consider “meeting” to be nose to nose, the one that left from New York City is closer to New York City by a train length.

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Q 4: There is the only royal palace in the United States of America – where is it?

Honolulu, Hawai

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Q 5: What sort of paper are US dollar bills made out of?

US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen.

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Q 6: What does the ZIP in “ZIP code” mean?

Zoning Improvement Plan.

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Q 7: Nowadays they go for tens of millions of dollars each, but how many paintings did Vincent Van Gogh sell during his entire life?

Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting during his lifetime, “Red Vineyard at Arles”.

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Q 8: A certain five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it. What is the word?

Short

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Q 9: What is the only planet in our solar system that rotates clockwise?

Venus

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Q 10: What is a rhinoceros horn made of?

Compacted hair

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Q 11: Name an English word that ends in “mt”

Dreamt

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Q 12: What was the first novel ever written on a typewriter?

Tom Sawyer

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Q 13: If an electric train is traveling northwest at 95 miles per hour, and the wind is blowing southwest at 95 miles per hour, in which direction does the smoke blow?

Smoke? It’s an electric train, there ain’t no smoke!

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Q 14: Who was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital?

Jimmy Carter

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Q 15: How long would you have to hold your breath before you kill yourself?

You cannot kill yourself by holding your breath, with the best will in the world, even if you held you breath long enough to pass out your body reflex would then take over and you would start to breathe again involuntarily

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Q 16: What are the six official languages of the U.N.?

English, French, Spanish, Russian, Chinese and Arabic

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Q 17: “Big Ben” in London, England is what?

Many people mistakenly think it is a clock. Actually, it’s the bell.

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Q 18: There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long. What are they? (And you know them all)

Eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip, gum.

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Q 19: Who is Robert Zimmerman?

Bob Dylan’s real name is Robert Zimmerman

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Q 20: While on my way to St. Ives,  I met a man with seven wives.  Each wife had seven sacks;  Each sack had seven cats;  Each cat had seven kittens.  Kittens, cats, sacks, wives;  How many were going to St. Ives?

Read it again, it was only you who was going to St Ives, so the answer is one

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Did ya do good???

It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yet again we plumb the depths of human stupidity. Yes, it’s Monday and time for more quiz show answers.

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Name something you bang when it’s not working right           

A: Wall

 

 

Q: Name something you might accidentally leave on all night     

A: Shoes

 

 

Q: Name a famous pig 

A: My mother-in-law

 

 

Q: Name a place you dab perfume on   

A: Tip of tongue

 

 

Q: Name a subject elderly people spend a lot of time discussing           

A: Bingo

 

 

Q: Name a famous group of singers     

A: The Simpsons

 

 

Q: Name a food dieters have dreams about at night       

A: Losing weight

 

 

Q: Name a place where you might see a whole lot of shaking going on   

A: The malted milk factory

 

 

Q: Name a country Americans admire    

A: Europe

 

 

Q: Name a brand of gasoline    

A: Regular

A: Unleaded

A: Ethyl           

 

 

Q: Name a country known for its beautiful beaches        

A: Hawaii

 

 

Q: Name a word or phrase you hear in a tennis game     

A: “Fore”

 

 

Q: Name something books tell you that you can do in 30 days or less    

A: Make a baby

 

 

Q: Name something you wear for protection      

A: Gun 

 

 

Q: Name a famous person named Carey (Carrie, Carrey, etc.)     

A: Carey Bradshaw

 

 

Q: Name something people peek through          

A: Down a lady’s blouse

 

 

Q: Name a Scandinavian country           

A: Australia

 

 

Q: Name a city with a reputation as the sin capital of the world   

A: Sodom

 

 

Q: Name a U.S. President that would look good in a Speedo     

A: Harry S. Truman

 

 

Q: One of the three bears         

A: Yogi

 

 

Q: Name a famous Hogan        

A: The Hogan   

 

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