All The Good Puns About The Periodic Table Argon!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case you hadn’t guessed from the title, it’s Pun Day again.

Another selection of great jokes or terrible jokes depending on your point of view.

So get those groans ready.

Enjoy or endure!

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The time will never be wrong.

Not on my watch.

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I used to live in a normal house,

but then steps were taken to make it into a bungalow.

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My dog has just eaten my entire James Bond DVD collection.

Luckily I managed to beat The Living Daylights out of him.

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I got an answering machine today but I think it’s broken.

I’ve asked it loads of questions and nothing’s happening.

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My wife lost her Tampax and got really angry.

I hate it when she loses her rag.

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I’ve finally remembered the word that

I’ve been thinking about for two weeks.

It’s ‘fortnight.’

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Me and my mate are having a competition

to see who can steal the most dog related stuff

from next door’s house.

I’ve just taken the lead….

 

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They call me Mr Rhetorical.

Can you guess why?

I’m looking to start up my own business,

recycling discarded chewing gum.

Just need help getting it off the ground.

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My whisky kept going missing so I confronted the wife.

She told me that the guilty party was the family dog.

I found it staggering.

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I lost my job today because I said the office is full of assholes.

Bit of an overreaction to my opinion about a TV program I think.

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What’s black and gets abused 24/7

on social networking sites?

Punctuation!

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I’m a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt.

I was hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

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Shopping for antiques won’t make you gay,

but it will make you buy curios.

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A lady at the supermarket asked me if I’ve ever drunk orange juice with pulp.

I said, “No, but I once had coffee with The Bluetones.”

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I’m Beginning To Feel I’m Bean Stalked!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s pun day, the day we all love  –  well most of us do anyway.

Enjoy this latest selection!

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When does a cow make the most noise?

When she’s feeling moooooody!

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I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with

a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides.

I picked it up and threw it.

It flew for more than 300 yards.

I’m sure that must have been a record.

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There was a ghost at the hotel,

so they called for an inn spectre.

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Me and my friends are in a band called Duvet.

We’re a cover band.

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Messing with your computer’s memory chip

can have lasting RAMifications

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My girlfriend got sacked from work and then lost her appeal.

I only found her appealing because she had a well paid job.

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This one is just messed up.

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I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it’s 15p.

I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

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A picture may be worth a thousand words,

but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

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I lost my mood ring.

I don’t know how I feel about this.

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I beat my wife up this morning.

She got up at 7.30, I was up at 7.

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Why did I divide sin by tan?

Just cos.

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With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

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I was recently asked about my views on euthanasia.

I said they all look the same to me.

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Nostalgia.

It’s not what it used to be.

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I just received an envelope marked – Photographs Do Not Bend.

The Mailman has, however, proven that they do.

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I fell on my arm and had to have an operation on my funny bone.

I was in stitches for two weeks.

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I’ve just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas.

Although what he wants with an ex box I’ll never know.

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A man goes home to his wife and shows her his

latest tattoo of a spreadsheet on his chest.

“You’ve really Excelled yourself this time!” she says.

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When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses

do they have a mid-wife crisis?

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