Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire – Some Hot Facts!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We’ll get to one of the biggest liars America has produced later.

But ahead of that have a look at another selection of fasab facts.

And…

Enjoy.

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There is a lake in Australia called Lake Hillier

that is a bright shade of pink.

Unlike with other similar lakes,

scientists are still not completely sure why.

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Bill Nye the Science Guy

originally wanted to be an astronaut,

but NASA kept rejecting him.

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In 476 AD the Western Roman Empire fell

and the Eastern Empire survived

as what we know today as the Byzantine Empire.

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Charlie Chaplin once lost a

Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest

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Although there have been emails floating about

for years containing many false facts about

Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy,

there were a few that are true and interesting.

Lincoln was elected to congress in 1846,

Kennedy in 1946.

Lincoln became president in 1860,

Kennedy in 1960 (though sworn in 1961).

And both were eventually shot in the head on a Friday.

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Inca mail was delivered along their network of roads

by way of messengers who would hand mail off

to each other using a sort of relay system.

A bit like the Pony Express without the ponies!

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1% of the world’s population

eats at McDonalds every day.

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Named by a Japanese scientist after

a 3rd-century Japanese shaman queen, Himiko,

is a giant gas cloud and one of the largest

objects ever found in space.

With a length of about 55,000 light years,

the cloud is roughly the equivalent

mass of 40 billion Suns.

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The top ten feet of the oceans

holds the same amount of heat

as the entire atmosphere

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In the early 20th century, scientists thought

our nerves transmitted information electrically.

After a dream, Dr. Otto Loewi awoke during the night

and scribbled some thoughts on a paper.

Upon waking in the morning,

he realized  he had written about information

being transmitted chemically,

later proven to be true and

winning him the Nobel Prize in 1936.

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Justinian was the last emperor

to use the title ‘Caesar’.

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A liar tends not to use contractions.

For example, “I didn’t do it”

statistically tends to be a more truthful

statement that “I did not do it”.

Remember Bill Clinton,

he didn’t say, “I didn’t do it”,

he said,

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

He lied.

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Does My Ass Look Big In This?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The wife of a friend of mine once asked him, “Does this new dress make my ass look big?” He started off well by replying, “No, of course not, Darling, the dress is lovely.”  And if he’d left it at that he would have scored lots of plus points, but then he added the fateful line, “You’ve just got a big ass!”

 

I may have told you that story before and I may well tell it again, because it’s funny and it’s true. This time it is by way of introduction to today’s post – or rant – on the subject of airline seats. I’ve already given you my two cent’s worth on airfares a few days ago. (Click here if you want to read that.)

Just when you thought they couldn’t get any smaller, or more uncomfortable, airlines are shrinking seat widths yet again to squeeze more passengers in and more money out of them. The latest culprit is Airbus, which unveiled a new 11 seat-per-row reconfiguration for its A380 superjumbo jet.

The Airbus A380 currently seats ten passengers uncomfortably per row in economy in a 3-4-3 configuration, but the new configuration adds yet another seat to the middle section to make it a 3-5-3 – with even less room per passenger and even more discomfort.

 

Airbus are making the excuse that the seats in the new configuration will be the same width as before, which is 18 inches or 46 cms, but then they add the qualifying word “technically” which means whilst what they are saying may be true in theory, in practice you the paying passenger will have less room.

Applying fasab logic to the situation, if you raise an airplane’s seating capacity from 525 seats to 544 seats, and at the same time you don’t make the airplane any bigger, then there is less room for the poor abused passengers. (quod erat demonstrandum or Q.E.D.)

The A380’s main users are Emirates, Singapore Airlines, Lufthansa and Qantas, all of them long-haul carriers meaning you will be squashed up like a sardine for at least eight hours, maybe much, much longer which adds greatly to the discomfort experienced by passengers.

Other long-haul airplanes that are shrinking the width of their seats include the new models of the Boeing 777, many of which are flown by United and American Airlines. They will now come with a squashingly miserable 17 in. seat width.

The seat squashing trend started with the short-haul airlines and they got away with it because of the relatively short journey times. Long-haul is different – much different – and passengers should be less willing to endure many hours of discomfort.

To add a great big insult to this injurious trend, it is all taking place against a backdrop of decreasing fuel costs and rising airfares – in other words more greed than need on behalf of the airline companies who buy these newly configured butt busters.

On the plus side – for passengers – not a single airline placed an order for the world’s two biggest commercial jets, the Boeing 747-8 and the double-decker Airbus A380 during 2014. In fact most of the Boeing 747-8s that have been sold have been mainly the air freighter version. On the negative side, as just mentioned, airplanes like the 777 are also to be made much more uncomfortable too.

With air travel forecast to more than double from today’s 3.3 billion passengers a year to 7.3 billion by 2034 – according to the International Air Transport Association – I fear greatly for the comfort of those of us flying economy.

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Playing With Statistics

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Sunday so time for another Sunday Sermon.

There’s a famous quote from US President Abraham Lincoln that goes something like, “you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time”.

On the face of it Lincoln’s words seem rather clever and profound – and true. And so they are.

Up to a point.

But what Lincoln didn’t say (and he was a politician after all) is that you don’t have to fool ALL of the people ALL of the time.

What you have to do is fool them long enough to do what you need to do – for example, in the case of a politician, to get yourself elected.  

 

Which brings me to statistics.

Because the best people in the world at playing with statistics are politicians and governments.

Some people believe everything they are told. Others call the figures governments produce ‘disingenuous’ which is being very kind. And some don’t believe a word or a number that they produce. (Take a wild guess at which camp I am in.)

Government statistical results are in effect lies. You can’t call them that – although I just did – because they can find figures to back up what they say, it’s just that they choose the figures that tell the story they want to promote and ignore all the rest that tell a different story.

For example, to get on to one of my favorite rant subjects, there is a thing which I am sure most of you have never heard of called the ‘Special Inspector General for the Troubled Asset Relief Program’ or ‘SIGTARP’ for short.

When the government is challenged about what is has been doing to bring to justice the banksters, who stole and recklessly gambled away our money, they can quote you a statistic or two saying that over the last few years, SIGTARP has put over 100 senior bank executives in jail, each of whom was convicted of stealing from taxpayers.

Although that fact is ‘technically’ or ‘statistically’ true, what they don’t tell you is that the people they have gone after and convicted are all small time crooks, guilty of small time frauds that are seldom above $1m or $1.5 million in value.

All the super crooks who embezzled hundreds of $ billions and almost brought down the entire financial system aren’t even being seriously pursued. More than six years into the SIGTARP investigations there are literally still hundreds of billions of outstanding ‘loans’, from banks including Citi, JP Morgan, Wells Fargo, and Bank of America.

They can quote figures all day long to try to mislead the people and make themselves look good, but a few small time crooks thrown in jail for stealing a million or two dollars here and there isn’t ever going to make much of a dent in the $ billions that were stolen. The politicians know that as well as anyone.

Perhaps Mark Twain’s “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics,” might have been a better quote!

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Time For The Monday Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, time for the Monday quiz.

Get your thinking caps on for another random mixture of questions.

As usual the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  Which capital city is also a TV detective?

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Q.  2:  Who created havoc in 1938, when his radio broadcast of “The War Of The Worlds” was believed to be true?

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Q.  3:  What were ‘Benjy’ and ‘Laska’, sent into space in 1958?

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Q.  4:  Name the composer of the famous musicals ‘Top Hat’ and ‘Annie Get Your Gun’. 

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Q.  5:  Which mountains form the backbone of South America?

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Q.  6:  In which river was Jesus Baptised?

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Q.  7:  Which South American country provides the setting for the climax of the 1969 movie ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’?

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Q.  8:  Into which ocean does the River Amazon flow?

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Q.  9:  Which South American city was shaped by architect Oscar Niemeyer?

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Q. 10:  The Rio Grande forms part of the boundary between which countries? (A point for each if you like.)

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Q. 11:  What name is given to the large, treeless plains south of the Amazon?

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Q. 12:  Which island in the east pacific is renowned for its stone heads?

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Q. 13:  Which General overthrew Salvador Allende in 1973?  (A bonus point if you can name the country.)

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Q. 14:  Who was in office as President of the United States when the decision was taken to declare war on Germany during World War I?

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Q. 15:  He was the son of a Siberian peasant and became the most influential person at the court of Tsar Nicholas II. He was widely thought to have magical powers and was assassinated in 1916. What was his name?

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Q. 16:  The Winter Olympics have just started in Russia, but in what year was London due to host the Summer Olympic Games, but couldn’t because of the Second World War?

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Q. 17:  Which American President saw active service in both the first and second World Wars?

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Q. 18:  Which three movies did Steven Spielberg direct that were among the top ten highest grossing films of the 20th century?  (Yes, a point for each and a bonus point if you get all three.)

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Q. 19:  In what country did the soup known as ‘Cullen Skink’ originate?

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Q. 20:  Which literary detective had a servant called ‘Bunter’?

            a) Hercule Poirot          b) Lord Peter Wimsey          c) Sherlock Holmes

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which capital city is also a TV detective?

A.  1:  Columbo.

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Q.  2:  Who created havoc in 1938, when his radio broadcast of “The War Of The Worlds” was believed to be true?

A.  2:  Orson Welles.

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Q.  3:  What were ‘Benjy’ and ‘Laska’, sent into space in 1958?

A.  3:  They were Mice.

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Q.  4:  Name the composer of the famous musicals ‘Top Hat’ and ‘Annie Get Your Gun’. 

A.  4:  Irving Berlin.

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Q.  5:  Which mountains form the backbone of South America?

A.  5:  The Andes.

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Q.  6:  In which river was Jesus Baptised?

A.  6:  In the River Jordan.

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Q.  7:  Which South American country provides the setting for the climax of the 1969 movie ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’?

A.  7:  Bolivia.

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Q.  8:  Into which ocean does the River Amazon flow?

A.  8:  The Atlantic Ocean.

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Q.  9:  Which South American city was shaped by architect Oscar Niemeyer?

A.  9:  Brasilia.

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Q. 10:  The Rio Grande forms part of the boundary between which countries? (A point for each if you like.)

A. 10:  The United States of America and Mexico.

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Q. 11:  What name is given to the large, treeless plains south of the Amazon?

A. 11:  The Pampas.

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Q. 12:  Which island in the east pacific is renowned for its stone heads?

A. 12:  Easter Island.

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Q. 13:  Which General overthrew Salvador Allende in 1973?  (A bonus point if you can name the country.)

A. 13:  General Pinochet in Chile.

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Q. 14:  Who was in office as President of the United States when the decision was taken to declare war on Germany during World War I?

A. 14:  Woodrow Wilson.

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Q. 15:  He was the son of a Siberian peasant and became the most influential person at the court of Tsar Nicholas II. He was widely thought to have magical powers and was assassinated in 1916. What was his name?

A. 15:  Rasputin.

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Q. 16:  The Winter Olympics have just started in Russia, but in what year was London due to host the Summer Olympic Games, but couldn’t because of the Second World War?

A. 16:  1944.

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Q. 17:  Which American President saw active service in both the first and second World Wars?

A. 17:  President Dwight D Eisenhower.

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Q. 18:  Which three movies did Steven Spielberg direct that were among the top ten highest grossing films of the 20th century?  (Yes, a point for each and a bonus point if you get all three.)

A. 18:  “Jurassic Park”, “E.T.” and “The Lost World”.

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Q. 19:  In what country did the soup known as ‘Cullen Skink’ originate?

A. 19:  Scotland. (It is a thick Scottish soup made of smoked haddock, potatoes and onions.)

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Q. 20:  Which literary detective had a servant called ‘Bunter’?

            a) Hercule Poirot          b) Lord Peter Wimsey          c) Sherlock Holmes

A. 20:  b) Lord Peter Wimsey

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Punchy Punitive Punditry Today? – No, Just More Puny Pungent Puns!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s another selection of those groan-making jokes carefully wrapped up in the thing we call puns.

Enjoy, if you can.

 

 

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

 

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

 

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

 

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

 

If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.

 

Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.

 

Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

 

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

 

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.

 

Prison walls are never built to scale.

 

There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.

 

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

 

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

 

The poet had written better poems, but he’d also written verse.

 

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

 

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

 

What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married?

Can’t elope.

 

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

 

Did you hear about the guy who sent ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

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