Political Jokes!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, this isn’t a list of the names of the members of the HoR or the Senate, or even the Obama administration, although I see why you would have jumped to that conclusion.

I thought I would try to lighten the mood for the weekend by posting some of the political jokes that made me smile.

Hope they have the same effect on you.

Enjoy.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

they should both be changed regularly…

and for the same reason.

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Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new ‘Obama Value Meal’?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

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Q: How many politicians does

it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and

another one to change it back again.

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Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Senator.

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We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope.

Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

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The recession is getting so bad,

the bank sent me a new type of credit card.

It was pre-declined.

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It was so cold in Washington today,

I saw a Democrat who had his hands in his own pockets!

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I is very proud dat I went 2 school in da UK.

I fink out of all 17 countries in da world UK is da best.

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When they call the roll in the Senate,

the Senators do not know whether to answer

‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’ 

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.Today’s public figures can no longer

Today’s public figures can no longer

write their own speeches or books,

and there is some evidence

that they can’t read them either. 

(Gore Vidal.)

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‘Politics is the art of looking for trouble,

finding it whether it exists or not,

diagnosing it incorrectly,

and applying the wrong remedy’.

(Ernest Benn.)

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‘Politicians are the same all over.

They promise to build bridges,

even where there are no rivers’.

(Nikita Kruschchev.)

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I just hope our next world war isn’t with China.

Who would make uniforms for the troops?

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The Iranian leader has left

on a tour of friendly countries.

He’s expected home tomorrow.

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Foreign Aid :

Poor people in a rich country

sending money to

rich people in a poor country.

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I rarely speak to Obama supporters,

but when I do….

I ask for large fries.

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Obama: “Here we are, two black presidents.”

Mandela: “You’re not very black.”

Obama: “I’ve not been to jail.”

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President Obama met Bill Clinton for lunch.

“I was sorry to hear about Hillary’s concussion,”

Obama said. “How’s her head?”

“It’s fine,” Bill replied.

“But she’s no Monica.”

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My computer crashed earlier and I lost all my files,

Luckily the NSA has a back up…

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Stop repeat offenders.

Don’t re-elect them!

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Democracy:

A political system where

any two idiots outvote a genius.

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How many Feminists does

it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to get a man to change it,

and the other to criticize men for inventing it.

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Spin doctors:

People who never call a spade a spade.

They proclaim it as a ground-breaking innovation.

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Politicians should serve two terms.

One in office, one in prison.

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No matter who you vote for

the government always seems to get in.

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Definition of an elephant:

A mouse built to government specifications.

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The word ‘politics’ is derived from

the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’,

and the word ‘ticks’,

meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.

(Larry Hardiman.)

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Doing The Right Thing.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

Barrack Obama during his first Presidential election campaign

Seven years ago a young fellow called Barrack Obama was running for President. One of the cornerstones of his campaign was a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq, which he called “a dumb war”.

In that much he was right. It was a dumb war, instigated by the dumb American and British politicians who preceded him and who had the deceit and arrogance to lie to their electorates in order to manufacture an excuse to invade that country.

It was always destined to be a disaster. Once Saddam had been eliminated there was no strong leader to hold Iraq together. He may have been a monster, no one is arguing he wasn’t, but without him, or someone like him, things have far from improved. That is just the harsh reality, like it or not.

Seven years ago Obama had no moral objection to the fact that a withdrawal of the occupying forces in Iraq might leave the way open to civil war and genocide. In fact to quote him from that period he said, “[If] that’s the criteria by which we are making decisions on the deployment of U.S. forces, then by that argument you would have 300,000 troops in the Congo right now — where millions have been slaughtered as a consequence of ethnic strife — which we haven’t done.”

He could have said the same about many other countries in the world where civil strife raged.

So today the speeches laden with moral indignation, telling the world that he has ordered military action in Iraq “to prevent a potential act of genocide,” ring mightily hollow.

It would be much better if Obama came clean.

I know it’s a bit of a reach for a politician to start telling the truth, but it would help.

Obama needs to tell the world that he will clean up the mess he and his predecessors made. He needs to admit that the “sovereign, stable and self-reliant Iraq” that he said he had left behind, when U.S. troops pulled out, was a dream that has deteriorated into a nightmare. And he needs to remove the advisors who prompted him to compare ISIS to a junior varsity basketball team when he was interviewed on the subject in January this year. That was just another thing they got completely and tragically wrong.

Yes, I’m asking for a bit of honesty and humility, that’s all.

What I’m hearing instead, however, is more claptrap and confusion.

Vice President Joe Biden is telling everyone that the U.S. “will follow ISIS to the gates of hell”, while other senior Obama Administration officials are assuring us that America is, “not launching a sustained US campaign against ISIS…”

Journalist James Foley minutes before he was beheaded by ISIS terrorists

Conflicting statements like those, in the face of the continuing barbaric beheadings of men, women and even children, and other heinous crimes committed by these despicable and godless terrorists, will hardly strike fear into them. Perhaps the strategy is to have them so helpless with laughter that they cannot continue fighting?

Winston Churchill once said, “You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.”

After all this time and after all these failed initiatives we must be getting closer to doing the right thing  –  surely???

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Obama Says Iraq’s Government Needs Help!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Now there’s a headline. Let’s repeat it…

Obama says Iraq’s government needs help!

Long live hypocrisy!

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Time for a Sunday Sermon I think!

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I say hypocrisy for one simple reason, Obama  –  remember him, the man who was getting all the troops OUT of Iraq  –  wants to send them back in again because of the almighty mess that America, Britain and other western nations made blundering about in a country they didn’t understand.

It’s worse than that, of course, because Obama wants to send the troops back into Iraq to help stave off attacks by radical Islamists who have been making inroads in various parts of Iraq and are now threatening to close in on Baghdad itself.

This what he said, “I don’t rule out anything, because we do have a stake in making sure that these jihadists are not getting a permanent foothold in either Iraq or Syria.”

But hang on a minute.

There’s that stench of hypocrisy again.

Are these not the very same terrorists who Obama is supporting financially and with arms shipments in Syria?

They may have different names in different countries but these terrorists collectively want to establish an Islamic state in the region that surpasses national boundaries and governments. And from there, who knows?

It really is that simple. But it seems American foreign policy is in its usual state – completely confused, completely devoid of logic and good sense.

The mess that has been left behind in Iraq is catastrophic.

The country has more or less disintegrated politically and militarily, with Islamic militants capturing the country’s second-largest city this week after soldiers scattered, leaving their uniforms and weapons behind. So much for the $15 billion Washington (i.e., the American taxpayer) has already provided in training, weapons and equipment to the Iraqi government!

The result of this capitulation is that at least half a million ordinary citizens are understandably fleeing as the terrorists gain ground.

America’s ‘re-intervention’ will start with air strikes, possible using drones. But the chances of that doing anything more than temporarily halting the terrorists are slight. Next will come increased supplies of arms and equipment for the ‘official’ Iraqi forces. And then ‘advisors’ will be sent in  –  they’re probably already there, their presence will just be officially acknowledged.

There was a strong indication of what will come after that, when White House spokesman Jay Carney said. “We are not contemplating ground troops, I want to be clear about that.”

I have seldom seen a clearer admission that the White House is actively considering sending ground troops back into Iraq!

SoS Kerry has been wheeled out again to tell the world that the situation presently is not just a threat to Iraq, but to the United States and the rest of the world. We all know that John. What we also know  –  and what you don’t  –  is that more blundering about in a situation you do not understand, more young American live sacrificed for nothing, and more brave souls maimed for life to satisfy political whims won’t make things any better.

Will common sense ever prevail? Sadly I very much doubt it. The lack of understanding exhibited by the politicians seems to span all parties.

The lunatics are in charge of the asylum.

So there’s more stupidity on the way!

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Ethno-religious map of Iraq, courtesy of the Washington Post

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First Quiz For December. Let’s See How You Do.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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First of the Monday quizzes for December.

As usual the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but NO cheating please.

Enjoy, and good luck!

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Q.  1: In which American state did the English first settle in 1607?

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Q.  2:  What name was given to a pilot who flew suicide missions in World War II?

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Q.  3:  Whish of these is the name of a town or city in Turkey?

a)  Batman        b)  Robin           c)  Joker

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Q.  4:  Who was the first person to cross the English channel with an airplane?

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Q.  5:  Fifty years ago, on November 22^nd 1963, President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas but what was the name of the airport where Air Force One landed on that fateful journey?

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Q.  6:  Why did the Roman Catholic church ban Mozart’s music?

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Q.  7:  Australia built fences across outback areas to contain what agricultural pest?

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Q.  8:  Which country’s troops invaded Cambodia in 1979?

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Q.  9:  Who played an aging Jewish Nazi hunter named ‘Ezra Lieberman’ and in what movie? (A point for each answer.)

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Q. 10:  In which country is the site of the famous battle of Waterloo?

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Q. 11:  Which American diva got married after a whirlwind romance, in 2008?

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Q. 12:  What were the first names the four members of the ‘Cartwright family’ and what long running television show they were in?  (Character’s names, not their real names and you can have a point for each.)

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Q. 13:  What do the actors Rex Harrison, Yul Brynner and Yun Fat Chow all have in common?

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Q. 14:  Who noted the day before he was killed in 1968: “I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man”?

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Q. 15:  What famous television series starred Marilu Henner, Judd Hirsch and Danny DeVito?

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Q. 16:  In which 1964 musical movie was Audrey Hepburn’s singing dubbed by Marni Nixon?

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Q. 17:  In which country, until 1922, was the Ruler referred to as ‘Sultan of the Ottoman Empire’?

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Q. 18:  Which nanny did Julie Andrews win an Oscar for playing?

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Q. 19:  Which Scottish engineer gave the first public demonstration of television in 1925?

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Q. 20:  Which song by Survivor is the best selling UK heavy metal release of all time?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1: In which American state did the English first settle in 1607?

A.  1:  Virginia.

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Q.  2:  What name was given to a pilot who flew suicide missions in World War II?

A.  2:  Kamikaze.

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Q.  3:  Whish of these is the name of a town or city in Turkey?

a)  Batman        b)  Robin           c)  Joker

A.  3:  a)  Batman  (Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo….)

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Q.  4:  Who was the first person to cross the English channel with an airplane?

A.  4:  Louis Blèriot.

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Q.  5:  Fifty years ago, on November 22^nd 1963, President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas but what was the name of the airport where Air Force One landed on that fateful journey?

A.  5:  Love Field.

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Q.  6:  Why did the Roman Catholic church ban Mozart’s music?

A.  6:  He joined the Freemasons.

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Q.  7:  Australia built fences across outback areas to contain what agricultural pest?

A.  7:  Rabbits.

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Q.  8:  Which country’s troops invaded Cambodia in 1979?

A.  8:  Vietnam.

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Q.  9:  Who played an aging Jewish Nazi hunter named ‘Ezra Lieberman’ and in what movie? (A point for each answer.)

A.  9:  Laurence Olivier in ‘The Boys From Brazil’.

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Q. 10:  In which country is the site of the famous battle of Waterloo?

A. 10:  Belgium.

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Q. 11:  Which American diva got married after a whirlwind romance, in 2008?

A. 11:  Mariah Carey.

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Q. 12:  What were the first names the four members of the ‘Cartwright family’ and what long running television show they were in?  (Character’s names, not their real names and you can have a point for each.)

A. 12:  Ben, Adam, Eric (Hoss), and Joesph (Little Joe) in Bonanza.

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Q. 13:  What do the actors Rex Harrison, Yul Brynner and Yun Fat Chow all have in common?

A. 13:  They have all played the King (King Mongkut) in film. Harrison (‘Anna and the King of Siam’, 1946) Brynner (‘The King and I’, 1956), Chow (‘Anna and the King’, 1999).

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Q. 14:  Who noted the day before he was killed in 1968: “I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man”?

A. 14:  Martin Luther King.

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Q. 15:  What famous television series starred Marilu Henner, Judd Hirsch and Danny DeVito?

A. 15:  Taxi.

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Q. 16:  In which 1964 musical movie was Audrey Hepburn’s singing dubbed by Marni Nixon?

A. 16:  My Fair Lady.

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Q. 17:  In which country, until 1922, was the Ruler referred to as ‘Sultan of the Ottoman Empire’?

A. 17:  Turkey.

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Q. 18:  Which nanny did Julie Andrews win an Oscar for playing?

A. 18:  Mary Poppins.

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Q. 19:  Which Scottish engineer gave the first public demonstration of television in 1925?

A. 19:  John Logie Baird.

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Q. 20:  Which song by Survivor is the best selling UK heavy metal release of all time?

A. 20:  Eye of the Tiger.

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Did You Know? – Some More Concrete Facts From Fasab’s Files.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fact day again on the fasab blog.

And where better to start that a fact literally set in concrete – lots of concrete.

Enjoy.

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There is enough concrete in the Hoover Dam

to pave a two lane highway from San Francisco to New York

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When the Statue of Liberty was moved

from France to the United States,

214 crates were used to transport it.

The Statue was also reduced to 350 pieces.

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When the divorce rate goes up in the United States,

toy makers report that the sale of toys also rise.

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The cartoon character Popeye was actually based

on a real person named Frank “Rocky” Fiegel

who was a tough guy handy with his fists

and who was quite similar to Popeye physically.

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The reason why locusts swarm are because when they are in groups,

a “hot-spot” behind their hind legs is stimulated,

which in turn causes their destructive nature.

A large swarm of locusts can eat eighty thousand tons of corn in a day.

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In 1755, the first Canadian post office opened in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

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The company “Sony” was originally called “Totsuken.”

They felt the name “Sony” would be easier to pronounce.

The name was invented by a cross between the name

“sonus” and “sonny” (derived from “sound” and “sonic”).

They also thought that the similarity to “Sonny”,

meaning a young man or boy,

would represent an energetic young company.

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After the Krakatoa volcano eruption in 1883 in Indonesia,

many people reported that, because of the dust,

the sunset appeared green and the moon blue.

The moon was said to appear blue for almost two years.

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Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

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During one seven year period,

Thomas Edison obtained approximately three hundred patents.

In is whole life he obtained over one thousand patents.

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About 30% of American admit to talking to their dogs

or leaving messages on their answering machines

for their dogs while they are away.

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The longest bout of sneezing recorded was by Donna Griffith.

It began in January 13 1981 and continued until September 16 1983

and lasted for 978 days.

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A bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II

killed every animal in the Berlin Zoo except the elephant,

which escaped and roamed the city.

When a Russian commander saw hungry Germans chasing

the elephant and trying to kill it, he ordered his troops to protect it

and shoot anyone who tried to kill it.

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In 1999, All Nippon Airlines, had one of its jets

fully decorated with Pokemon characters

from nose to tail on its exterior.

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The first person to die in the electric chair was William Kemmler,

an ax murderer from New York on August 6, 1890

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The city of Denver was originally chosen to host the 1976 Winter Olympics,

but had to withdraw because Colorado voters rejected to finance it.

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The expression “Tying the Knot” comes from an old Roman custom

where the bride’s clothes were tied up in knots

and the groom was supposed to untie the knots

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Velcro was invented by Swiss engineer George de Mestral,

who got the idea after noticing burrs were sticking to his pants

after his regular walks through the woods.

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Nylon is a man-made fiber that is made from coal and petroleum

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The theme song of the Harlem Globetrotters is

“Sweet Georgia Brown.”

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Gas Bags And Gas Prices

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

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Back at the end of July in a previous Sunday Sermon I wrote that:

“Troops are being sent to Syria and soon we’ll get bogged down in another mess that’s none of our business and will probably take many years and many lives to get us disentangled from – leaving behind chaos and confusion and a worse situation than the one we tried to fix.”

Of course it’s still being denied by Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama and his administration, but there is little doubt now that Syria is next on their war hit list and we are indeed about to be bogged down in another bloody mess.

Already naval and ground forces are being positioned, for example, the cruise missile laden USS Gravely, USS Ramage, USS Barry and USS Mahan are all in the eastern Mediterranean.

The only remaining part is to con-vince the American public, who do not want another Middle Eastern debacle, that they are wrong and that a strike on Syria is essential for their future well being.

The pretext that is going to be used this time is ‘evidence’ of the alleged use of chemical weapons by the Assad regime against the rebels. And the people that are being relied on to provide that ‘evidence’ are the very same people who provided false ‘evidence’ that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.

Everyone now knows and accepts that the WMD excuse for getting embroiled in Iraq was a deliberate deceit – otherwise known as a ‘lie’ – so the track record of the ‘evidence’ providers is neither good nor credible.

Already government apologists are making statements about how Syria had “used them [chemical weapons] before”, which is untrue. UN investigators charged the rebels, not Assad’s government’s forces, with use of chemical weapons in Syria earlier this year. Strangely (or perhaps not) Obama did not feel such a moral necessity to send a missile or two towards the rebels, instead he gave them more support. 

Now add to that another good pinch of hypocrisy.

In fact make that two good pinches.

The first, because the rebellion now taking place within Syria would not have happened without the financial and military assistance of the US, along with Israel and Saudi Arabia. The hypocritical part of it all is that these three nations are in fact supporting people who, if successful, will become even more bitter enemies than the Assad regime.

And the second, because in an alleged effort to encourage ‘democracy’ in Syria, ‘democracy’ in America and Europe is being ignored.

For example, 64 percent of the French people have said they don’t want to get involved, but as in America the ‘people’ don’t have a say on the final outcome.

In Britain the Conservative Party Prime Minister David Cameron got a very embarrassing slap in the face in Parliament when he tried to emulate the lies of previous Prime Minister Tony Blair but lost a vote on military intervention in Syria. His spin doctors will be working overtime to cook up a good story for the next debate.

And it is plain that the majority of ordinary Americans do not want the President they elected on the promise of getting their troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan, plunging them into another conflict which could prove to be as bloody if not bloodier. So plain in fact that until late Friday Obama had planned bypassing Congress obviously trying to avoid a similar embarrassment to that which was suffered by British PM Cameron.

Think this time it will only be a few missiles and drones and that troops won’t be involved? After all Obama has said “We’re not considering any boots on the ground approach”.

Then you need to think again.

Sure, at the outset Obama will try to fool the public by limiting attacks to missile strikes, but these alone won’t be enough. Even in today’s high-tech world you can’t wage wars without those boots on the ground. And in those boots are brave, but misled men and women, some of whom will lose their lives or be maimed as a result.

The doomsday pundits are saying that all this posturing and war mongering by Obama could spiral into something worse. Possibly even be the start of WW3. Unfortunately grandiose claims like these only serve to lessen the credibility of those who are arguing against another foreign intervention.

Putin seems to have more sense than Obama. The Russians have already made their mistake in Afghanistan and are unlikely to do it again. Even less do they want to start or become involved in, a major conflict – not at the moment anyway.

China has little interest in getting involved in a conflict in the middle east either. They will take the long view, and, as they did with Iraq, they will let the US waste billions more dollars blowing things down and building them up again and then they will step in and secure more oil supplies for themselves.  

If it does get down to the nitty gritty one possibility that is more realistic is that the conflict could spread to other nations within the Middle East.

Iran for example has a mutual assistance pact with Syria. It also knows it is next on the US hit list so the longer the US is focused on Syria the longer it will postpone an attack on itself. It is not beyond imagination therefore that Iran could send arms and even troops to assist Assad.

Neither is it unreasonable to imagine that, if missile strikes on Syria result in retaliatory Syrian missile attacks on Israel, Israeli troops will also be sent into Syrian territory, with US forces backing them up shortly thereafter.

That is boots on the ground, no matter what denials you currently hear.

However it pans out, two things are certain. ‘Evidence’ or no ‘evidence’ Uncle Sam will stick his nose in once again. And if it all goes pear shaped, as it most likely will, then UP is the only way your gasoline and heating oil prices will be heading.   

Happy winter!

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The Sunday Sermon

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Can’t let the month end without another Sunday Sermon.

This time a little bit of an update on the political and financial scene as I see it.

So far the Obama administration is doing great! (That was a little sarcasm in case anyone didn’t get it.)

Troops are being sent to Syria and soon we’ll get bogged down in another mess that’s none of our business and will probably take many years and many lives to get us disentangled from – leaving behind chaos and confusion and a worse situation than the one we tried to fix.

Meanwhile the economic crisis continues. Not that you’d notice. The sham recovery has meant that stocks have been on an upward trend, bonds have been doing well, and confidence is high.

And all because….

….well all because the Fed continues to print money and pour it into these markets.

Or at least it has been.

Then Bernanke made a statement a few days ago to “clarify” the government’s position.

Oh dear me!

He said that the government would… he thought… he hoped anyway…. assuming nothing unforeseen happened…. at least nothing major that they didn’t see coming… that they would ease off their money printing and bond buying… or at least they might… soon or maybe later… but sometime at least… well, it was being discussed…

Needless to say with that dithering statement confidence immediately melted away from the market and the DOW headed down by more than 500 points. In fact investors and brokers seemed to be selling everything, not just stocks and bonds but gold and other commodities too. Not quite panic but definite unease was clear to be seen.

The only reason it didn’t all collapse is that while the underlying message is clear, the Fed’s delay in implementing their tap turn off gives investors a little more time to make a little more money  –  they hope.

The problem with that is knowing when to sell. And that is the trick that has eluded investors from individuals to hedge fund managers since the markets began.

What Obama and Bernanke want is crystal clear. They see the folly in printing money and buying bonds at near $100 billion a month and they know they have to stop it eventually otherwise an even bigger financial catastrophe will result.

Their problem is they want to stop it without causing a massive market correction.

And that, as Samuel Goldwin used to say, can be summed up in two words – im possible!

It will be interesting and perhaps a bit painful to watch what happens next.

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