For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife (Made To Scale).

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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First pun day of August folks.

The months may change but pun day is forever, or until I run out of puns whichever comes first.

So here are today’s selection.

I hope you enjoy them.

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I’ve decided to take the day off today.

I’m just going to call it to.

day off cartoon

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I’m in a heavy metal band.

I play lead.

lead_pb_periodic_table_169

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I filled my car up with gasoline this morning.

Wish I hadn’t now, the seats are ruined.

gas fill

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Is nothing built in America any more?

I got a new TV the other day and on the box it said

‘BUILT IN ANTENNA’.

built in antenna

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My garden is only 36 inches wide.

More like a yard.

yard

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My grandfather is a Cold War veteran

He can’t afford to put the heating on.

grandpa

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It’s not hard getting to work in the snow,

you just need a bit of grit.

true grit

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My neighbor just showed me his new wind turbine.

I was blown away,

wind turbines

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Well the judge said that from now on

I can only see my children with supervision.

I said why, how far away will they be?

super-vision

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I dropped my cell phone in the bath yesterday.

I said to my wife, “My phone is finished”.

She said, “It might still work, have you tried ringing it?”

I said, “Yes, but not much water is coming out”.

cell-phone-dropped-in-water

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I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer.

He wasn’t pleased.

alcohol_cartoon

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Sometimes I enjoy my steak under cooked,

Of course, that’s rare.

barney-rubble-steak

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I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

butler-cartoon

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In class today the teacher gave me a square piece of paper

and asked if I could turn it into an octagon.

“Sure,” I said. “I’ll have it done for next week, sir.”

“No, I need it now,” was the reply.

“Okay, I’ll have to cut a few corners though.”

octagon

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I was chatting to a couple of girls today.

I said, “Give me your numbers and we can go out for a drink sometime”.

One of the girls said, “Okay, give us two secs.”

I said, “No problem, that’s exactly what I had in mind.”

two girls

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I’ve invented a device called a ‘base-ball.’

I’m thinking of pitching it on Shark Tank.

shark tank

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I walked past some joggers in the park today.

They weren’t very fast.

joggers

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I was at the observatory the other day.

The astronomer said to me, “Look at this massive star!”

I replied, “Actually, that’s a cluster of stars, if it’s any constellation.”

observatory

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I went to the Natural History Museum and

saw the two bees that Noah took with him.

They were in the archives.

noah-ark-cartoon

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Now, for the final trick, I’m going to turn this

Grandfather clock to one hundredth of its original size…

Watch….

grandfather clocks

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A New Quiz To Start A New Month

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What better way to start a new week and a new month than with a good quiz.

It’s the usual random mixture of difficult, easy and tricky

And again as usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but NO cheating!

Enjoy.

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Quiz_button 02

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Q.  1:  Where is the only place today comes before yesterday?  

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Q.  2:  What is another way to say “every 9 years”?

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Q.  3:  What US State has almost twice as many caribou as people?

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Q.  4:  What is the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter?

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Q.  5:  What is the national animal of Thailand?

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Q.  6:  What kind of nut has no shell?

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Q.  7:  What is the largest denomination bill produced by the US Treasury?

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Q.  8:  Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?           

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Q.  9:  What is the most common atom in the Universe?

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Q. 10:  Whoever makes it tells it not, whoever takes it knows it not, and whoever knows it wants it not. What is it?

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Q. 11:  Which Ocean is saltier, the Atlantic Ocean or the Pacific Ocean?

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Q. 12:  What well known city was originally called Edo?

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Q. 13:  We all know about the Titanic and probably seen the movies about the disaster. The full name of the Titanic ship is R.M.S. Titanic, but what do the letters “R.M.S.” stand for?

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Q. 14:  What was the tallest structure in the world prior to the construction of the Empire State Building in 1930?

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Q. 15:  Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in 1933 in the building of what?

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Q. 16:  What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?     

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Q. 17:  What belongs to you, but is used mostly by others?       

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Q. 18:  If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room what color will it eventually turn?

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Q. 19:  What famous American invented the rocking chair?

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Q. 20:  Which Corset Company, with a very famous name not necessarily related to the corset business, created the bra cup sizing system, which is now used universally by manufacturers?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Where is the only place today comes before yesterday?  

A.  1:  In a Dictionary

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Q.  2:  What is another way to say “every 9 years”?

A.  2:  Another way to say “every 9 years” is “Novennial”

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Q.  3:  What US State has almost twice as many caribou as people?

A.  3:  The state of Alaska has almost twice as many caribou as people.

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Q.  4:  What is the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter?

A.  4:  The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is “uncopyrightable”.

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Q.  5:  What is the national animal of Thailand?

A.  5:  The elephant is the national animal of Thailand

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Q.  6:  What kind of nut has no shell?

A.  6:  A doughnut.

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Q.  7:  What is the largest denomination bill produced by the US Treasury?

A.  7:  The largest denomination bill U.S. bill produced by the US Treasury is for $100,000.

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Q.  8:  Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?           

A.  8:  Mount Everest, just because it hadn’t been discovered didn’t mean it wasn’t there!

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Q.  9:  What is the most common atom in the Universe?

A.  9:  Hydrogen is the most common atom in the universe

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Q. 10:  Whoever makes it tells it not, whoever takes it knows it not, and whoever knows it wants it not. What is it?

A. 10:  Counterfeit Money

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Q. 11:  Which Ocean is saltier, the Atlantic Ocean or the Pacific Ocean?

A. 11:  The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean

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Q. 12:  What well known city was originally called Edo?

A. 12:  The city of Tokyo was originally called Edo

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Q. 13:  We all know about the Titanic and probably seen the movies about the disaster. The full name of the Titanic ship is R.M.S. Titanic, but what do the letters “R.M.S.” stand for?

A. 13:  “R.M.S.” stands for Royal Mail Steamship

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Q. 14:  What was the tallest structure in the world prior to the construction of the Empire State Building in 1930?

A. 14:  The Eiffel Tower was the tallest structure in the world prior to the construction of the Empire State Building in 1930.

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Q. 15:  Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in 1933 in the building of what?

A. 15:  Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in 1933 in the building of the Hoover Dam.

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Q. 16:  What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?     

A. 16:  Charcoal

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Q. 17:  What belongs to you, but is used mostly by others?       

A. 17:  Your Name

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Q. 18:  If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room what color will it eventually turn?

A. 18:  A lot of people think it will become darker and eventually black because there is no light, but the reverse is actually the case, it will become paler and eventually turn white. This is because the pigmentation cells in the fish’s scales that control color cannot work without light.

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Q. 19:  What famous American invented the rocking chair?

A. 19:  Benjamin Franklin invented the rocking chair.

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Q. 20:  Which Corset Company, with a very famous name not necessarily related to the corset business, created the bra cup sizing system, which is now used universally by manufacturers?

A. 20:  Warner Brothers Corset Company!

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How did you do?