Puns For The Educated Mind

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

According to the dictionary, a pun is the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.

I like puns. Sometimes they can be quite clever and humorous. At other times they can lead to an excruciatingly bad joke, although the worse they are the funnier they seem to be. Strange thing humor. 

I have a load of examples in the archives. Here are some to give you a taste of what may be in store.

Enjoy, (I hope)…

 

 

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

 

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 

 

She was only a whiskey maker,

but he loved her still.

 

 

No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 

 

Would a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France result in

Linoleum Blownapart?

 

 

Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.

 

 

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

 

 

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

 

 

Apparently Mitt Romney donated the entirety of his inheritance from his father to the Brigham Young University. Is this guy a Moron?

 

Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns
Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns

 

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

 

 

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

 

 

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

“Keep off the Grass.”

 

 

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison

was a small medium at large.

 

 

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.

 

 

A backward poet writes inverse.

 

 

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts…

In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

 

 

When cannibals ate a missionary,

did they get a taste of religion?

 

 

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,

you’d be in Seine.

 

 

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at him and says,

“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion per passenger.”

 

 

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

 

Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”

The other says, “Are you sure?” 

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

 

atoms

 

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More Moron Madness For Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Crikey! Not only has another Monday arrived with us but now we’re into September, summer is winding down and Autumn beginning. Personally I prefer the Spring time when everything is coming back to life rather than shutting down, but we have to take what we get.

Hope another selection from the quiz show answers archive helps your mood for the beginning of another week.

Enjoy.

 

 

Q: Name a seafood that comes in a can, besides tuna   

A: Albacore

A: Chicken of the Sea   

 

 

Q: Name something worn only by children         

A: Clothes        

 

 

Q: The birthday that men dread the most           

A: Their wife’s  

 

 

Q: An activity that is both healthy and fun          

A: Sex

 

 

Q: Name a kind of bank that doesn’t deal with money    

A: Sperm         

 

 

Q: An attraction you see in every parade           

A: Merry-go-round         

 

 

Q: Name something you put in empty coffee cans         

A: Spaghetti

 

 

Q: Name a reason you might stay inside on a beautiful day        

A: It’s raining    

 

 

Q: Name a children’s story about an animal       

A: David and Goliath     

 

 

Q: Name a famous woman you wouldn’t want to see wearing a thong     

A: Sally the hippo         

 

 

Q: Name something you hear at a New Year’s Eve party 

A: Gunfire

A: A parade

 

 

Q: Name a farm animal that people have as a pet          

A: Turkey         

 

 

Q: Name something you rent for one day          

A: A stripper     

 

 

Q: An occupation where someone wears a robe at work 

A: Prostitute

 

 

Q: Name something you associate with the Dallas Cowboys      

A: Cowboy hats

 

 

Q: The most lovable breed of dog        

A: Kitten          

 

 

Q: Name something associated with Cuba         

A: It’s in South America

 

 

Q: Name a character from the movie Aladdin     

A: Jihad

 

 

Q: Name a Jewish person that had a great impact on society     

A: Mussolini     

 

 

Q: Name a movie with the word “King” in it         

A: King Dracula

 

 

Q: Name a measurement of time           

A: Watch

 

 

Q: One thing people do to imitate a dog when playing charades 

A: Lift their leg  

 

 

Q: An appliance you should definitely keep your fingers out of  

A: Dishwasher  

 

 

Q: Name something you think that all drivers, except you, should get a ticket for doing   

A: Driving on the median           

 

 

Q: An animal that starts with the letter A 

A: Arachnophobia

 

 

Q: Somewhere a man might go after he gets divorced   

A: Go buy a car

 

 

Q: Name something celebrities might be embarrassed to endorse on a commercial         

A: Name a douche        

 

 

Q: An occupation whose members must get tired of smiling       

A: Game show host      

 

 

Q: An Olympic sport starting with ‘S’     

A: Skydiving     

 

 

Q: Name something that might be a pizza topping in a horror movie       

A: Feces

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